"Good luck, babe."

I'll need it.

I woke up yesterday morning after four hours of sleep and got ready to leave. Made it home and helped Mom with some random weiner roast things. Wy came by for a while while Rachel entertained Aunt Mae. I left to pick up Lindsey, which didn't work out, she didn't come. And I stopped by Shakey's to see Grandma and more of Dad's extended family. I showed up to the roast an hour late to find some annoying kids and some beloved ones. Overall, it went pretty well. Everyone had a good time, so woohoo! Bobby and Meg, Brandon and Niki, Wheaton, and me decided to rent a movie so we got Land of the Dead, which I had already seen. Jared appeared out of nowhere which made me a million times happier. The two couples left and I was left with Wheats and Jared in the living room, doled out some backrubs and "You know you love me's." They both want to come visit. Jake came over around 2:00 and we went upstairs to talk and eventually sleep after we chatted for a long-ass time. He left around 8:00 this morning and I got up to go to church. Rachel went with me, we ate at MCL with Dad and Patty, then we went back to the house to get the Audi. Saw Matt to say goodbye since we didn't have enough time to see a movie (I am so sorry, sweetheart. I really wanted to spend some time with you.). We headed over to Dad's to grab some stuff and see the new puppy. Cute. Mom's puppies were uber cute, too. Got on the train and came home.

Jake and I discussed last night how neither one of us feel at home when we do visit home. We belong up here now. I missed it. But I miss where I used to live, too.

Jesus H, I am so flipping confused. I hope to God I get to talk to him tonight...otherwise, I might pop from frustration.

PS
I fell down the stairs and have a huge bruise. It hurts a lot. Just thought you would want to know.

"Tomorrow would be better. I'll call you."

Okay, so I am pathetic. I completely agree with Eistir. I've been so bummed, you guys. It's not different than any other time.

Last night I drank quite a bit of merlot. I will admit to it. And Jeff and I talked. Obviously, I'm not the most pleased about it. But what are you going to do, right? Not much to be done. So I mope and move on. Or something like that.

Lindsey has this test tomorrow she didn't remember until today so she is taking a later train into Springfield. I'm getting on the 10:29. I am so excited! I can't wait to be home, people. It's going to be so fantastic to see everyone and just relax with some of my girls and boys. Wyatt said he wanted to pee his pants he is so excited. And I talked to Wheats, too. Matt came back so he could come and hang out at home...we're going to see Corpse Bride on Sunday with Lindsey. D-niggie is coming up late on Saturday (he supposed to call me tonight and he didn't?). I tried to coax Scotty into coming home with me but it didn't work.

Speaking of Scott, I realized I didn't have to work tonight so I called him to ask if we could mope around since I wasn't in the greatest of spirits. He was out of his room so I got to talk to his roommate, Dan, who is extremely cute in an emo-sorta way and really easy to talk to. Scott made the comment that Dan was talking to me more than him. And I wrote some notes to him on the board outside the door. Anyway, Scott took me out for Ben and Jerry's and we sat on one of the horseshoes to talk. He let me know some things that I had been wondering about for a while and we talked about Jeff and everything. I truly heart that kid. He's unbelievably fantastic. We went to the Acafellaz show and they were smashing. Geeze, Louise. I about had a heart attack when they started singing an arrangement of Eric Clapton. And the girls group prior to them sang a Beatles song. All I wanted to do was talk to Jeff, but by then, Jeff had told me he couldn't meet and wanted to tomorrow, to which I replied I was leaving in the morning and only wanted ten minutes of his time. Because that is so time-consuming. After Acafellaz, we made it to the opera. Wow, the Mozart was great, and the second piece was cah-razy. I didn't know what to expect and I was completely shocked. Oh, well, we had a really good time. We made it back to his dorm and finished Aladdin and ordered yummy Papa John's, which we ate joyfully. He was kind of mad I had hardly eaten anything at all today. Whatev. Talked to Scott's brother, Steve, for a while and he seems pretty nice--I told him I want to meet the entire family, which is completely true. It would be so much fun.

I got a backrub and sang to and danced around the room a little bit. We had so much fun, and I mean we really did. Our night in. S squared because Scott is a geek and I heart him dearly. I eventually made it back to Atkin, and when I realized Daryl and Eistir were not back yet, I went for a walk. I just wanted to be out in the cold air and think about nothing but the path in front of me. It worked for a while until I got back here.

And I love Matt. I miss him. I miss everyone. But at least he tells me how much he misses me, lol. Plus he tells me he hearts me back. And he listens. At least I know I am loved.

How come I realize I want to talk to someone when it's like 1:30-3:00 in the morning and it's not appropriate to call? I hate that. I will see you in the morning, Mommy...I have to be up in four and one-half hours. Go me. And wish me luck, kiddies.

"Thinkin' about the times you drove in my car..."

So last night. Was. Great.

My day was spent being my dorky self and looking cute in a hat Kristen bought for me a while back. I went to all my classes and finished the night off with band. We got out a little after 9:00 because everyone wanted to leave to see the rest of the game. B and I walked back to the dorm followed by my bone buddy, Christine. I was walking up to the room when I bumped into Eis and she took one look at me and said, "He's on your bed." Of course, I was extremely smiley and walked into my room, trying to hide it. Liz (Jeff's friend), Elvis, Jeff, and Daryl were all watching the game when I came in and dropped off my stuff, trombone and jacket. I left the room because I didn't want to be so freaking obvious and headed upstairs to find Lindsey. I bumped into some of the girls and told me she had gone to Chatter's. I came back down to the room and checked up on all my email and things of that nature and decided to take the only seat remaining between Daryl and Jeff.

When they had won, we all went outside to join the mob of chaos. I promise I didn't violate any laws while out on the quad, which is more than I can say for half the campus. People were running into traffic and doing all kinds of crap that they shouldn't have. Our group got split up, but I managed to stick with Liz and Jeff. We all held hands to stick together and not lose one another. And Jeff didn't let go when Liz did. He held my hand all the way back to my dorm; they walked me back to make sure I didn't get molested or run over or something. We (me, Jeff, Liz, Daryl, and Eistir) all made it back to the dorm eventually and Liz and Jeff left for Watterson. Lindsey made her way to my room and we ordered some Papa John's with lots of extra garlic sauce. :) Lindsey knitted while everyone watched CMT and I dozed off. All I remember after that was Lindsey hugging me and passing out around 2:30 or so.

People keep calling us on the landline and it's really loud. That and Eis' alarm went off for class (which she didn't go to). Oh, and the final wake up call for me was her screaming, "NO!" really loudly. I got up and took a shower. Now I am just sitting here, typing away and thinking about my night. Tonight Eis, Daryl, Lindsey, and I are heading over to Jeff's to hang out and watch some movies or something. And I think I need to go get some lunch...I am starving. Anyway kids, I am going to work later today to get my work schedule. Love you, kiddies.

I told you not to wander 'round in the dark.
I told you 'bout the swans, that they live in the park.
Then I told you 'bout our kid, now he's married to Mabel.
Yes, I told you that the light goes up and down.
Don't you notice how the wheel goes 'round?
And you better pick yourself up from the ground
Before they bring the curtain down,
Yes, before they bring the curtain down.

"I'll call you later..."

Sorry, Meg. Everything is hectic around here on Wednesday, especially since the world series is going on. I'll give you a call after band gets out (maybe 9:30-ish). And now I am going to be happy, like Meg. :)

• boy smell
• blue eyes
• wrinkly foreheads
• puppies
• hot chocolate
• twizzlers
• my bed
• Beatles
• our purple notebook
• Sox win
• minty breath
• fantastic, comfortable snuggling
• short updates
• spoons on noses
• random texts: You are my sunshine
• thank you cards
• Lindsey's jacket
• buttons for my purse
• my $4 hot topic cherry glasses
• art
• collages
• little, giggling kids
• hoodies
• Wheats
• Law & Order and Sex in the City
• getting a phone number
• GRAPES
• making chicken noodle soup for Eistir
• getting the random emails that make you smile
• kilts
• people from high school
• dry erase boards
• AIM
• Korean flash about bunnies and kittahs
• Scott hugs
• sweet dreams
• Eskimo kisses
• constant supply of paper towels
• weiner roasts
• Rocky Horror Picture Show

You. You make me so happy.

Last night was fantastic. End of story.

"I smile just when I see I have an email from you."

This ain't a movie, naw
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing every day.
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we, head back to hell again
We kiss, then we make up all the way.

John Legend is fantastic.

"Drunk-dial much...?"

I think last night was one of the strangest I've had so far in Normal. It was weird...Katie felt a little strange. And oh, God, can she get to giggling. It was uncontrollable giggling. Elvis (yes, he was here) laughed at her laughing which made me laugh. I don't know how to handle my current situation. Some things are nice and some things are down right frightening. It's just an awkward situation all around. And Lindsey got sick, so that part sucked, and she would stop talking about Mike Wille which was freaking hilarious. I don't know...I hope tomorrow gets better.

Katie leaves about the same time I have to go to work. And Dallas will be getting home tomorrow afternoon. I have no money for the next two weeks so that sucks...I paid my bills which was important and now I am just kind of twiddling my fingers until I can be constructive. The girl just fell asleep while she was watching Pretty Lady. Me? I'm talking to Matt and working on homework. I heart you, get to feeling better, babe.

Off now. Hey, Bill. I'm sure you're very glad I called you last night. :)

Bill said this is an "adorable" picture of me. That's what he said last night, at least... 

"Happy much??"

I attempted writing last night but it didn't work out very well. Yesterday was uber-busy. Or at least it felt like it. I didn't get up until eleven or so then ate then groomed then went to my chem after doing some homework. Scott was the only buddy to show up so we hung out at Bone for a little bit afterwards. It mainly consisted of him eating his PizzaHut and me watching Wayne's World 2 on VH1. They have a flatscreen in the lounge area between Burger King and Pizza Hut that I was unawares of. Oh, well. We split up so he could go do some homework and nap and I came back to my sickly Eistir and watched a little bit of TV while working on homework. Eventually, I made my way over to my chem lab. It took forever and my group was the last out the door because my partner screwed up the math on one of the questions, meh. As soon as I got out the door and safely outside into the rain, I made a dash for the :25 bus to the mall to pick up my paycheck. Congratulations, me, it was only one dollar higher than the last. Eistir called while I was out all worried because I am never gone that long on Thursdays and she did the "worried mom" thing. It was kind of cute. But when I got back, we headed to Chatter's and I got some 'Zello sticks (not that impressive), so next time I am trying Bosco sticks instead. Blahblahblah. The rest of the night was spent working on comm and justice while Eistir watched TV. That entire it was raining...I was wet from my 2:00 until 9:00. And I managed to talk to Patty, Mom, and Grandma. Lol, and Eistir kept saying, "It's Kevin," whenever someone called. That was mainly due to the fact that I talked to him Wednesday night for almost three hours. Crazy, eh?

Today I managed to go to my classes without much grumpiness. Kelly, Em, Fitts, and Eric went to Southside and I met them there after I dropped off my crap in my room. It wasn't too bad. You know, Southside. The place I eat daily. Went to Fitts' room to get her bio stuff and walked them to Bio before I had to go meet Dallas to get his car keys.

Tracy called me while I was eating to tell me I don't have to work tonight, which is extra nice. And if Katie and Jake weren't coming up this weekend, I totally would have gone home. I mean, I don't have to work tomorrow until 4:00 anyway, so that would have made a lot of sense. Now I get to do homework, finish cleaning the room, and do some laundry. And I'm contemplating whether or not I should clean the car or not. I'm thinking no right now because I am lazy and have a lot of work today. At least I can worry about my homework now and finish it before people get here the weekend officially begins. :)

Anyway, have an excellent weekend, kiddies, and hopefully I will talk to you later, journal.

Jessie--hope the shower is great. XD
Mom--thanks for calling me last night. I love getting calls from you.
Meg--gimme a ring when you're feeling better.


PS Scott is out of town for the third weekend in a row. A) I'm extremely jealous he gets to leave, B) I can't believe this is his third weekend he'll be gone, and B) I miss him uber amounts when he is gone. It makes me sad. :/ But hopefully, I'll get to see him before he leaves tonight at 5:00. Oh, Scotty, m'dear. Come back in one piece, darling.

"We'll make sure to say goodbye before we go."

Man, sorry about last night, guys. I was a goner. GONE. Phew.

Eistir was so sick this morning. I don't know if that's from last night or from just being sick. Probably a combination of both. Funnily enough, she went to the doctor today and when he stuck the swab down her throat she puked all over him. Heh. I probably would have been mortified if I was her, but she's Eistir. What does it matter, eh? Not much apparently.

I find out my November-December schedule on Halloween. I am so glad I don't have to work that night, too. Shcore! I want to know my schedule for next weekend, too. I better have Saturday night off. I hope Dallas does, too. He really wants to come, you guys. :) We just have to see about work. Blahblahblahblah. Work, work, work. Did I mention I get Dallas' car for the weekend? Yes. So excited. I love driving that thing. Who wouldn't love driving a Camaro? ;) WOOFREAKINGHOO.

Have I told you guys recently how much I love my roommate? Well, I do. Very much.

"What is LinC?"

PS To Corrie

I'm sorry if I forgot to tell you what it was earlier. It's Learning in Communities class built for freshmen. The same kids are all in LinC, communications, and justice class. We're the guinea pigs this year, but it's basically to get us together so we can make friends and adjust better to our surroundings if we have some people we see on a daily basis.

What would make you happy? "Just Sarah."

Oh, my freaking gosh.

New Bette Midler CD out, produced my Barry Manilow...plus it's all Peggy Lee songs. Gimme me a phone so I can order me a copy. Haha, actually, I wouldn't mind at least listening to it.

Comm midterm. The studying would have gone better if this mob had been running through the streets and the quad screaming about the White Sox winning. Great. No joke. Emily counted nine squad cars following them. And some girls on Walker three flashed the mob and will be getting in big trouble for public nudity or something.

I hung out with Em and Eric a while after lunch. He went to bio and we watched the Maxim's Top 100 Sexiest Women. The Latino chick from Desperate Housewives got first place. Emily gave me her Red Lobster nametag to add to my bag and this large red lobster I have to figure out how to pin to my purse, plus Scott made me two buttons. One says, "I <3 Silly Sarah," and the other says, "My head is getting bigger." I gave him kisses on the cheek and loads of hugs in thanks. I was so thrilled. Remnant was great tonight like usual, and it seems about ten times better when Lindsey goes with us, too. Afterwards, we went to Chatter's and got some Ben & Jerry's and sat on the quad for a long while. Lindsey and I sang oldies the entire way back to the dorm and some guys sitting on the front porch between Dunn-Barton kind of laughed at us and sang along.

Once I got back, I started talking to Matt. He wasn't in a spectacular mood but I think I helped fix that. And he is so stinkin' sweet. Geeze, Louise, the things that come out of his mouth. <3

Now I am headed to bed. I don't have LinC anymore, so I won't be getting up until like 10:30. w00t--go me!!! Talk to you later, my devout journal you. I love you, my darling. Sleep well until I log on again.

"Kinda like a butterface but not so obvious."

Matt made me look it up on the urban dictionary. Gah.

PS I just wanted to mention I took my earlier frustrations out on my eyebrows and they don't look like they used to. Not like sophomore and junior year but closer to senior year. For those of you who don't know what I am talking about, it does not matter in the slightest. Just thought about my randomness. Anyway...

"Look at that! They're not even ashamed."

Says Dallas at SnS when some kids walk in with McFlurries. I miss hanging out with him more than he knows. And he was super giggley tonight, I think due to lack of sleep. He is working his tail off. 6:30-10:30 landscaping then class then Bath & Bodyworks. He can get me a discount, though. :) Score! And he can use mine, too, so it's all good. He IMed me and told me he had to take a break from this paper he's been working on all week that must be turned in Monday, so we went to SnS. Used some dollars he and Wy won in a basketball tournament last year and I managed to pull five bucks out of my butt (not really, that would be kind of gross and reminds me of the Christopher Walken character from Pulp Fiction). I had my first milkshake since Labor Day weekend when we went after the football game. It was not as good as Corrie's, I can tell you that. Nor did the onion rings.

Yesterday I went to work and we were book solid. I had absolutely no down time from 4:00 until 8:40. One sitting after another, blahblahblah. The last normal bus left at 8:45 so I wrote down my receipts, cleaned out a room, and shut down a computer in about four and a half minutes then booked it to the other side of the mall to make the bus, which I almost missed. Once I got home, I chatted for a bit then headed to bed...didn't wake up until about 1:30, started to get ready for work. I realized what time it was (2:20) and ran as fast as I could to make the bus and arrived a few minutes early. Work was slow so three of us got to watch Tarah and Debbie, a new trainee, work on a group portrait. I did one sitting, rang a couple of people up, then got to go home after I closed down a room.

I met someone interesting on the bus. He got on at Target and I saw him taking his hat off and yelling while gesturing in angry motions. I was kind of iffy when he chose to sit next me, but he started a random discussion about me working at Sear's (my noticeable shirt and name tag), which wasn't that bad. Bud (his name?) lives in Hamilton and is extremely good looking. His friend Brian had the biggest reddest beard I have ever seen. Anyway, I ended up walking back to the dorm with both of them. Bud managed to give me his number without my asking and told me we need to hang out this week. Okay, if I have time between work and class. I went up to my room, talked to Matt(s), and called Grandma to see what she was up to. God, if she wasn't excited to hear from me. We talked for forty-five minutes or so then that's when Dallas and I started talking. Once I headed out the door looking all cute because I haven't been out in a while, I escaped crazy Elvis by mere seconds. He didn't notice me leaving the lobby until I was out the door, and by then I could say I "didn't hear him." Plus he was having a conversation with two people about the game on so he couldn't get up to run after me. Does that make me a mean person? I just don't want to have to say "no." I feel like the only way I could get him to leave me alone would be to tell him off and be rude, and I don't want to be mean and he doesn't deserve that. Grawr.

Now I am back to talking to Matt(s). Go me.

Oh, Jessie finished working at DH, thinks she has a job in Columbia, and is moving. When? I don't know, sometime soon. I feel in the loop. I wish I could at least see her before she goes. I miss her just like I miss everyone else, and I feel like I kind of jipped myself out of getting to know her while she was in Springfield. Sorry, sis.

"But I really wanted to see you..."

A couple of people have called me today asking if I was coming home. The answer is unfortunately no. When I talked to Mom, I almost started to cry. I really wanted to see her and Rachel and Dad and everyone else. This is probably the last time we would all be home the same weekend before Thanksgiving.

Although this week had some greatness to it, I was stressed and overall feel that it could have been ten times better. I got very minimal sleep last night, I won't tell you how little, to work on my speech. Which I bombed miserably. And three people called me before 8:30 this morning. It's a good thing I was already awake, huh? Tracy called to ask if I could come in at 3:00 instead of 5:00 because we are just so busy tonight. That obviously meant I wouldn't be able to come home tonight. This woman named Tasha from workforstudents.com called to schedule my interview for next Tuesday, and she was waaay too perky. And then some random person called for Lindsey, that chick who obviously had my phone number before I did because so many people call asking for her.

I hope work goes well, and I am also hoping that Kristine doesn't ask me to work Sunday because I would like to go to church. At any rate, have fun at homecoming, kiddies. I want to see the pictures and hear about your night.

"That bitch!"

Some random girl just screamed that outside my window. And then a fire alarm went off somewhere very near. Random screaming, too--I think that people are starting to get into the Halloween swing. Niki signed off and on her Aquariusstarbabe and I heard Coldplay so I am listening to "Clocks." There is something so great, so exhilirating yet so calming about this song. I heart Coldplay. Did you know the lead singer is married to Gwenyth Paltrow? Well, now you do.

Now I am relaxing to this excellent song and starting to work on my speech while chatting on AIM. McKenzi Clausen added me to her Facebook buddies. Somehow that completely shocked me. I was on the phone with Dad when I was checking my email and I got one announcing her befriending. I turned my head to the side and said, "McKenzi!" Dad was quasi-confused, but that happens. Meh. I saw her over the summer a couple of times at the theater, but besides that, I really hadn't spoken to her since the beginning of freshman year. Very surprising. Oh, well. Who cares, right?

Work went surprisingly well, though I was bummed I couldn't better sales out of my two sittings. Between the two of them it was near $90. Not so hot compared to last week. Meh. Kristine wants me to work for her on Sunday if Tracey okays it so that gives me seven hours on Sunday including the meeting Sunday night, which is actually at Tracey's house. I have my schedule for the next couple of weeks.

• Sat., Oct. 15 4:00-8:00
• Sun., Oct. 16 6:30-9:00 meeting
• Friday., Oct. 21 4:00-8:00 flex
• Sun., Oct. 23 10:00-5:00
• Tues., Oct. 25 4:00-8:00 flex
• Fri., Oct. 28 4:00-8:00

I am now off to work on my speech. Oh, and "Pretty Penny" by Stone Temple Pilots is an excellent song as well. :)

I ripped this off Christine's lj. Ah, yes, I am so original.

You are the Devil card. The Devil is based on the
figure Pan, Lord of the Dance. The earthy
physicality of the devil breeds lust. The
devil's call to return to primal instincts
often creates conflict in a society in which
many of these instincts must be kept under
control. Challenges posed by our physical
bodies can be overcome by strength in the
mental, emotional, and spiritual realms. Pan is
also a symbol of enjoyment and rules our
material creativity. The devil knows physical
pleasure and how to manipulate the physical
world. Material creativity finds its output in
such things as dance, pottery, gardening, and
sex. The self-actualized person is able to
accept the sensuality and usefulness of the
devil's gifts while remaining in control of any
darker urges. Image from The Stone Tarot deck.

Which Tarot Card Are You?

"Hey, baby! We should go play pool this week! Gimme a call!"

Yeah, so I keep blowing off Eistir's stalker. I'm not sure where he is going with this pool thing? He seems genuinely nice but in that creepy older guy kind of way. Gah. Do you know what I am talking about? Of course you do, online journal, because you are the bestest.

I was talking to Mattie poo earlier about grapes. I horde them.

Anyway. Choir was a lot of fun. Lindsey makes it about ten times better. We're two of the tallest girls and we sit in front and everyone sees us goofing around, including Dr. F. But it's all good. :) I got busted in band for talking. I think we're the most talkative section in the band. And Joe read my shirt (I'm not wearing underwear) and burst out laughing while directing, had to cut off the band to catch his breath. He turned so red and said, "I just read your shirt," then continued on with the song. I thought he wouldn't look at me the rest of the night because he might start laughing, but he most definitely loosened up the rest of the rehearsal which was great. Rawr.

I am now addicted to Sex in the City. Why is Carrie Bradshaw so great? I don't know! One of the girls up on six has the complete collection and she told me we could have a marathon sometime. Shcore. <3

"I'm so glad I came."

Last night was just...fantabulous. Lindsey had a lot of fun, and that makes me really happy. Plus I think she and I are going to get tight, and I love that because she is such a fun person to be around. And she's at least two inches taller than me. :)

This is more for my purpose than anyone else's. It'll just remind me of what I need to do...

• Lab four quiz--ask about question three.
• Go to my advisor's meeting today at 3:00.
• Seriously work on my four year program.
• Finish LinC portfolio.
• WORK ON MY SPEECH! Quit procrastinating, Sarah.
• Read out of Walker--read the online stuff for justice.
• Start going over comm materials.
• Go to math?
• Deposit checks.
• Quit stressing out.
• Go to work and be as polite as possible...
• Find out if I am coming home this weekend.
• Do that public speaker artifact.
• Go to bed fairly early.
• Take some IB profeun.
• Find some more cough syrup.
• Oh, yeah, and calm down.

Gah. I need to go before I get wound up too much more. *shakes head in frustration*

"Take on me..."

I just got off the phone with Rachel. I called Mom to check in with her and she handed me over to Rachel. God, I miss her so much. And she is just about the coolest little sister there is. I love it when she tells me stuff. It means she can trust me, enough to where she knows I won't make fun of her and even if I do it's because she should be able to laugh it off too. She tells me about IMEA and boys and homecoming and car insurance. I love her more and more every time I talk to her. I hope she realizes that I am always here for her, I am NEVER too busy for my little sister. And if she really needed me at home, I would try my damndest to be there for her. And she is growing up. I leave and she becomes a socialite. She has finally come out of shell and is being her. I love her even more for that. Maybe I was hiding her or something. Who knows. Regardless, she is who she is and she is the coolest person alive, my little sister.

Enough about Rach. :)

My speech keeps getting pushed back. I was originally supposed to go on Friday then it got moved to this Wednesday, then I got this email from Mrs. Gibson saying it was going to be pushed back until Friday...and midterms got moved to Monday, which means I have an entire weekend to study for it (hooray!) but that means I have to be careful about what I do concerning homecoming. I'm sure it will all work out. It just makes me a little bit nervous. And what is with these papers Dr. Phyllis is making us do? We have to write about our careers. Our nonexistent future careers. And I have to print off the journal I didn't hand in last week because I was so sick. Oh, the one time I miss LinC is the one time they have fun. Apparently, the GSpot provided wooden replicas of penises and uber amounts of condoms and they had to put them on. A very "Never Been Kissed" moment. I wish I could have been there for that one. At any rate, I need to quit stalling and start on the paper. I have until 9:35 tomorrow. Gah.

But wait! Remnant tonight. Lindsey, the coolest choir buddy ever, is coming with me tonight, we're meeting Dills on the corner like old times, and off we go! It should be great tonight because Dills and Scott will both be there. And I am just so happy I get to go to church. It's one of my favorite places to be. I have about five minutes until Lindsey comes down here and then another five before we meet Sarah. Go us.

Man, can you tell my energy boosted about ten times in the past three minutes? Well, it did in case you didn't notice. I'm in such a good mood. Oh, my day? I made it in time for comm, which went well. A bunch of us went to Southside, like normal. Spent the day lazing and working a little on my speech. Went to choir, which was fun like always because I have Mal and Lindsey. I hung out on the sixth floor for a little while until 6:00, when a bunch of Linds' friends had dinner together. I am now accepted into their "gang." They're loud, obnoxious, intelligent, music geeks. I say I fit in nicely. Blahblahblah, I have to go, kiddies. Love you, babe.

"I missed you."

I just went to a respect meeting up on six. I missed four's meeting a couple weeks back for work so I had to make it up. We made keychains. Geeze, I feel crafty.

Did I tell you I got my first paycheck? Yup. I was happy with it. Nothing like I made over the summer, but I am still glad. XD I am checking out my work schedule and I'm happy. I am almost positive I'll be able to make it to the football game unless I have to work open on Saturday. Even if I do have to work Saturday, I can make it as long as it's in the afternoon. Thursday and Friday I am on flex. And I still have yet to talk to Tracey about not working on Sundays. But she scares me so I keep pushing it off. I am lucky I could trade this Sunday with someone.

Talked to Eistir. She isn't coming home until Tuesday morning, which means she'll have been gone for six days. And she is going home this weekend. Gah. Boggles my mind how she can miss so much class and not feel guilty about it. At any rate, she'll be back in a couple of days. Until then, I have the room to myself. It's so weird.

Scott told me about his homecoming weekend and how it was odd going to the dance when all these tiny freshmen were running around. I know what he means...when I went to the football game labor day weekend, there were a bazillion little kids that I didn't know. Strange. But life goes on and I keep writing papers and walking across the quad to go to class. It's a good time, folks.

"What are you doing?!"

Um, what are you doing?

I am praying I get to go home next weekend. I am positive I won't make it Friday, but maybe Saturday?

Yesterday consisted of sleeping. I went to the football game when someone from work called me to tell me it was going to be slow at Sear's so I didn't need to come in. Met up with Mallory, Isabel, Katie, Kathy, and Jason, then Heather and her roommate Christie showed up while we were at the game so they sat with us. Surprisingly enough, we lost by three points in over time. That sucked. But I can honestly say I was cozy in my room long before the game ended. The game went on for almost four hours, I made it through halftime, but past that it was too cold. We had a lot of fun actually. Heather, Mal, and I made plans to have dinner at Watterson around six then go to the Normal Theater. When we got to the theater, it was twice as much as normal because they were showing independent horror films. We made it through half of them before we were a little too weirded out to stay any longer. Came back to the bungalow and watched Leaglly Blonde on TV before the girls left and I went to sleep.

Today I went to church and walked back with Patricia. Man, I was really glad that I went to church. I get so happy when I go! One of the girls said something to me about a particular person's behavior and it made me laugh. Yeah, he was being awkward. Yeah, he's usually awkward around me, but I thought that was normal. She said it isn't. If that's the case, it makes me happy. ;)

I am lazing around and doing not much of anything. I don't have any homework except my speech and I am working on it slowly. Bit by bit. Everything is going all right in general. Patty called me yesterday to check on me. Mom called me a couple of times this week to do this same. And she wrote to me in her blog. <3 That's great. I love my mom. She rocks hxc style.

I'm off to go do some more lazing around. Love you, little journal.

"Work! Boo."

So Tracy, my GM, called me this morning and left me a voicemail during class. The first time I listened to it, I thought, "Man, she is a bitch," then I listened to it again and completely disagreed with myself. I think I overreact. So I called Sear's back to tell them I would be working both tonight and tomorrow night, meaning I will have officially missed everthing included in Homecoming week. Go me. If I get up early enough tomorrow, I could probably make it to the first parade, but alas, the game starts at 2:30 and I start work at 4, so that one is not going to work out.

I had some both yummy and disgusting Mexican food from downstairs at Traditions. I have been drinking an extreme amount of water, but that's okay. Plus I got a couple of bottles of Powerade to mix it up a little. I can actually say I am starting to feel better. I don't cough nearly as much and I don't have a fever anymore. But my throat sounds like it might be getting worse even if it does feel better. I am wondering what they're going to put me on today. I might have to do pictures so I wouldn't have to talk as much, but my strength is in sales right now which could be bad since my voice is very unappealing to the ear. I guess we'll see how that works out.

I've been talking to other Matt a lot lately. What a cute kid. And people have been calling me and leaving me messages in miscellaneously places to tell me to feel better. It's much appreciated, you guys. I can't wait until I get to go home. I can't wait to go visit my kiddies.

Have a great night, homie g corn dogs. Only my Glenwoodites would understand that one. Miss you.

"I hope you feel better soon!"

About five people from class called me to see if I was okay and a few left me a message on facebook. I feel loved. I talked to Mom, Patty, Rachel, Dad, and Kaylin tonight, too. I attempted to go to my chem lab but after five minutes had to leave because I thought I was going to pass out.

Nothing really happened today besides me sleeping and watching TV on and off. I managed to eat a muffin this morning and had cottage cheese and mashed potatoes for dinner. They went down easy and that was all my throat cared about. Plus some powerade for some electrolites. I guess Eistir told the girls to look after me because they pop their heads in every once in a while to check on me, to make sure I am still alive.

I have ultimately decided that the Wedding Planner happens to be one of my favorite movies. I really don't like J.Lo a lot, but this movie is such a great chick flick. At any rate, I am now going to take my cough syrup, which knocks me out--that means some sleep. G'night, ladies and gents.

"Don't come to class, I'll tell her you're sick. Don't worry about it."

So I woke up in time to make it to my second class, went downstairs to print off a paper, and bumped into one of my LinC buddies. She asked me how I was feeling, and I made some feeble reply which could hear very well because my voice is almost completely gone. I honestly feel like when I had strep. I have this disgusting coating all over my mouth that feels like a carpet or something. And my throat is really dry so I cough a lot, though the histinex helped a lot last night. It knocked me out around 9:15 and I slept until 8:30. But now I am going back to bed. I just feel so gross.

PS The doctor thinks I just have virus or something, I should be getting the culture results back soon to see if I have strep or not. I am miserable. I was feeling a heck of a lot better last night but not so much anymore. I hate how I always feel better at night then I do in the morning. At any rate, I am going to take soem more cough syrup and go back to sleep. I'll let you know the results later.

"I'm cheap!!!"

Still feeling extremely icky. Actually, I have this really bad headache now and want to crawl into the fetal position on my bed while I listen to some Billie Holiday. She always makes me feel better. Always! Alas, I have a humongous test I need to study for tomorrow. Criminal Justice. This week hates me. We are actually having to start studying and writing and whatnot plus I get sick. And I really want to go home now. If I do not get better by Friday, I am going to call in sick for the weekend and go home so I can go to the doctor's. I've heard horror stories about the on-campus clinic, plus I would much rather be sick at home then here. Know what I mean, jelly bean? But I would hate to miss all the homecoming stuff this weekend.

Eistir is lovely. We went to go get drinks tonight and on our way downstairs she kept telling me how I am the coolest roommate. Heart. We agree that we are a fantastic match. She might pull me out of my shell a little bit and I might make her watch less TV and get up on time for classes. ;) Either way, we love each other. Plus I feel like I can talk to her about anything and I really need that.

The concert was okay and fantastic. The high school groups were nothing special, but at least they bothered to spend the day in Bloomington. On the other hand, the mens chorale from Bloomington and Vocal Spectrum, the special guests, were freaking wonderful. I sat there listening to those basses and just melted in my seat. And Vocal Spectrum did a rendition of "Bring Him Home" from Les Mis which was just amazing. Amazing. The tenor had such a gorgeous voice. You should seen the look of pure ecstacy when I listened to these guys. I am the music geek through and through. I almost ashamed to admit how much I love and adore a capella music. Or music in general. Even if someone were to sing as loud as he could at church without a care in the world, that is to be admired, especially if he cannot sing. The thought of not caring about others' opinions if you're terrible or loving a piece of music for its beauty or performing something so beautiful is awe-inspiring...it is to be admired beyond anything else. At least in my head it shall.

My headache and I have to go study for criminal justice. I just wanted to write about the delightful concert. Oh, and I made friends with Sheryl--the lady sitting next to me. I can tell a woman who appreciates music and she happens to be one.

"Hey, Sarah. I really like your roommate."

I bumped into Elvis downstairs. He really is a nice guy, just extremely overwhelming. He told me to give him a call later so we can play pool to "take my mind off being sick." Uh huh. I'm thinking he is switching girls because Eistir doesn't like him. Geeze, I hope that isn't the case. The barbershop concert is tonight so I told him that I was unavailable.

Classes so far have been bleh. I am REALLY not feeling well right now. I took some mortin before I left this morning, around 8:30, yet I don't feel better. At least they turned the AC back on so the heat is bearable in my jeans. LinC was absolutely pointless. Incredibly pointless. A bunch of us headed over to Southside afterwards since we got out so early. Emily and I talked about math a little and decided that we are all going to become pirates. We even laid out a set of rules. No pillaging or raping. Just looting. And we'll start out on the Great Lakes because it's closest, then manage to get a boat out on the eastern shore from which we will advance to more tropical climates because, apparently, the climate down there is better for the wood. I do enjoy chatting with Emily, she's super amusing. From there, Eric, Emily, and I made a super-slow walk to Stevenson for our math labs. Along the way, we passed by the CPA and I saw Mrs. Jorgenson waving at me from inside, so I went in to give her a hug. I got to meet the new choir director for the high school and she seems very nice. I am going to try to have dinner with the girls later before the concert at 7:00.

Micah called as I started writing this to go have lunch, and even though I wasn't hungry, I went down there to hang out. It was slightly awkward because we have never really just sat down to talk but not awkward in a dehabilitating manner. It was a good conversation and he walked me back up to my room when we got done. He is such a freaking cute kid!! Anyway, I went downstairs in Hamilton to go to the computer lab and print off a periodic table for the chem test, which I need to start working on. The test is in less than forty-five minutes and I am only now starting to get nervous. That and I am really not feeling that well at the moment. I wish I didn't feel like crap. At any rate, I need to be going, so I will talk to you later, my lovely online journal. Kisses.

"We should get you drunk soon and often."

Thursday night was a lot of fun. Went shopping with Scott after we got his stitches taken out. We spent about two hours on the bus going to Wal-Mart, and when I got back, I went to have dinner with Micah and some of his friends. I felt bad for being about forty-five minutes late. Anyway, hung out with them for a little bit, went to Micah's room and met his adorable German roommate. I went downstairs with his roommate for a ciggy (I promise I didn't smoke one) and met this kid named Daniel (the Dan-meister) from Britain on the elevator. He decided we needed to watch a movie, so we ended up coming to my room to watch Little Monsters, which we did after helping out in the lounge. We made some halloween cards for the elderly, w00t. Dan and I watched Little Monsters. I fell asleep half-way through the movie and ended up kicking him off my bed because I sprawled out over the entire thing. Oh, and this kid Jeff from Colby 4 borrowed my cowboy hat and came back about 1:00 drunk, while Dan was still there. Lol, and he made me take his picture with him. It was amusing.

I worked both Friday night and Saturday morning. I actually got up at 6:30 so I could make the 7:25 bus to the mall in order to be there for opening. Friday night was reserved to work on my speech and did that happen? NO. Instead, Eistir got a stalker named Elvis. He's a little crazy. Cool, nice, but definitely told Eistir that he loved her after knowing her for ten hours or so. Cah-razy. It took her a whole forty-eight hours to get rid of him. Kristen came from UIUC, which was extremely exciting. The campus was pretty dead this weekend, except for the exceptional amount of UIUC kids. I'd be walking around with Kristen and we'd bump into some of my friends who more than likely had a UIUC friend with them. Meh. Everyone lives in the six-pack. Hah, I don't think Kristen would be able to handle that. Anyway, Kris thinks that Eistir is going to make me come out of my shell and therefore approves of the match. I saw a lot of Scott this weekend. I was okay with that. Kristen likes him, and everyone unanimously thinks he is gay and perhaps doesn't know it yet. The thing that topped it off was him saying, "That's a really cute belt, Kristen!" Whatev. My drama is over for the weekend, I hope.

I feel extremely ill. Extremely. I have a fever and am sweating profusely, not to mention my throat hurts like a mother. Eistir made me take some tylenol last night and I felt better, so I am contemplating it again. And shower because those usually help. We'll see. I have to study my little tush off tonight for the chem test. Gah!

But I got a plan (I got a plan)
To drink for forty days and forty nights
A sip for every second-hand tick
And every time you fed the line,
“you mean so much to me”
I'm without you

Photoshop is Niki's best friends. 

"I walked to the front door and I hear my sister whisper/shout my name from the bushes."

Lunch today was great. I ate with Emily, Lauren, and Eric from LinC and this kid Keith Lauren knows. Keith lives in Atkin, too, so that's cool. Emily and I decided that Lauren and Eric need to date. They're both extremely likeable and would make a good match. And the way he looks at her is freaking cute. Neither one of us is going to say anything so we hope it happens on its own. They both agreed by the end of lunch that they needed to find someone down here. Why not?

I was up waay later than I should have been last night and reap the consequences this morning when it took all I had to convince myself to attend class. But I guess it is worth it. I need to get going on my homework because Kristen is coming down this weekend so I need to prioritize. Lauren and Emily want me to go pre-gaming with them on Friday. Lol, we're trying to get the TA for LinC to go with us. On his facebook, he belongs to sex and alcohol addicts groups. We've seen him around with some girls but we are all positive he likes boys a hell of a lot more. Go Rafa.

I really am not sure what to do. Not in a bad, emo sadness way. More like the I know deep down I should say no but my head and lovely heart are like "hell yeah." I think I will say no. But I might say yes. Better to say no. instead of arguing with people about it, I am arguing with myself.

Foreign types with the hookah pipes say
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh
Walk like an Egyptian
The blonde waitresses take their trays
They spin around and they cross the floor
They've got the moves (oh whey oh)
You drop your drink then they bring you more
All the school kids so sick of books
They like the punk and the metal band
When the buzzer rings

iTunes is great. Walk Like An Egyptian--Bangles

"You're trying to justify a bad choice."

Why fall into something you know is doomed? Because even if it is doomed, at least there is a comfort there, knowing that you have this relationship even if it is unstable. Go figure. Don't you love the way things work out? Beaten children stay with their abusive parents because they fear something unknown, different; they even love the person who hurts them most. I keep falling into this trap for comfort's sake.

Sarah is not feeling that much better. Scott is getting around without his crutches--at least while in Manchester. I helped him to run some errands inbetween chem and the bus to work. Tonight was my worst night of work yet. I did four sittings, only one of which went really well. My sales is still kind fo shaky because it is extremely difficult to remember all the prices and codes. I know I'll get used to it eventually...but for now, it's difficult. Dallas drove me home since he got off work slightly early. We went to Chatters and I came home with my flavored-water. Hadn't checked my email since yesterday morning, so I remedied that. My lip is swollen and achy and I am pretty sure it's because I hit my head on the baseball bleachers yesterday.

Dallas told me I am not acting like myself.

Megan, thank you for the surprise call-I appreciate it more than you know. Kristen, thank you for allowing me to pour my heart out; you're the best friend a girl could ask for. Katharyn, I heart you dearly, my darling; you are fantastic. Matt, you know me so well to send me an emo song to make me feel better. <3 you.

Train roll on, many miles from my home.
See, I'm riding my blues away.
Tuesday, you see, she had to be free.
But somehow, I've got to carry on.

Tuesday's gone with the wind

Lynryd Skynyrd + Armor For Sleep = greatness.

"Sarah, this is Scott."

Just got off the phone with him. He and Sarah were in a car accident earlier today. Bad enough to put both of them in the ER. He is on crutches and had to get eight stitches. I don't even know how badly she was hurt, though I know she hasn't been immobilized. I quite literally feel sick to my stomach. I hope that they'll both be better this week. Hope Scott's vicadin helps and Sarah gets some sleep.

Thank God they weren't more hurt than they were. Thank You.

"On a Saturday night, a Saturday night..."

Yep. I'm sitting here on a Saturday night. By myself. Eistir's mom, little brother Casey, and step-dad Mark came down to take her to dinner, which is cool. Her mom is super nice. ;) She made us brownies.

Last night was a little crazy, I'll admit. I'm not sure how much I want to mention, but the gist of it was that Jake ended up sleeping on our floor. Apparently, I wake up when other people start to move because I woke around nine when Jake did...he complained about making him sleep on the floor instead of in one of our beds. After giving him a little backrub, I jokingly said he sounded like Aunt Mae to which he told me about her little ride on the bicycle. I guess she fell off onto concrete. Whoops. Checked him out of the room all right and he went about on his merry way. We cut through Southside to Hamitlon-Whitten and I saw Aaron from LinC working behind the front desk so I ended up talking to him for twenty minutes or so.

Went back to bed and woke up close to 2:00 when Eistir did. We ate and showered and blahblahblahed until her parents came and I left to go to the Normal Theater to se Ladies in Lavender. REALLY GREAT MOVIE! On my way back, there was a guy about five feet behind me all the way from the theater to my dorm which freaked me out so I called Kevin. I ended up talking to Brian about last night and Kevin told me he would call me when he gets home.

Now I am watching TV and am thinking about reading Jane Austen. Yeah.

"Would you rather have sex with me or stab me in the face?"

I guess not wanting to have sex with someone that is completely unattainable anyway is a blow to the ego. Wyatt gets so upset when we talk about me wanting him. Because there is no probability of it ever happening. I love him, yes, but in that older brother manner. And we actually had a "philosophical" conversation about the above mentioned question. How could I? I would never be able to stab him in the face even if he did something horrendous towards myself, like stabbing me first. As for sex, NO. Never. Ever never never. It's not that it is me not wanting him, it's that it's me not wanting him. Pride is such an awful thing on occasion.

Jake called me twice tonight. Once he didn't even speak. The second time he asked me where I was, told me he was drunk, asked me the strangest freaking question in the world, then proceeded to tell me he was staying with me and would call me in a little while. I hope he gets drunk enough to forget. In all likeliness, it is doubtful since it just started to rain. He'll remember and come into my room soaked with rain. Great. No matter what I am not cleaning and he is most definitely sleeping on the floor.

I read Zena's blog. I read Jessie's, too. I am so sad. I wish they would both update more often if only for my reading pleasure. I miss everyone so much. I wish I could come home more often or at least talk to them more often. I don't want to bother anyone or be annoying...especially with Rachel. Since when did she grow up and become so involved? God, I miss her. She's so involved with Key Club and wants to go to MIT. Geeze. How far away is that?? Extremely. Look at how much I miss her when she is an hour away, just think how it would be when she moved that much further away. I didn't expect her to stay the same yet it seems so difficult to accept the concept of change in my mind. I wish I didn't feel like this, bad for the world not revolving around me. It never did, it never will. I've always known that no matter how much I hide it from myself.

Oh, emo lou. emo lou. emo lou.

I wish I wasn't so sad on a Friday night and I didn't call friends and say moronic things that make them quiet because they don't know how to respond. I am the queen. emo lou.

vk, dfvks dvkS D.L msdjbdfg ndfglmd

Rawr. I had this entry all typed, though short it might have been and my internet decides to update my iTunes. Geeze, Louise. Basically, I feel frustrated. I don't know why I feel the way I do. Not happy, not angry, not laughing, not crying. More indifferent than anything else.

I no longer fear being alone. I know I am not.
I now fear being void. Of anything and everything, clearly emotion.
I guess frustation is an emotion, but certainly not one I wish to endure much longer.
Feeling locked within a shell seems unnatural.
Let me go.

"The sounds in this small town hurt my ears."

Gah, for lack of a better quote...listening to FOB obviously. This girl in my comm class and I were discussing how it sucks how cool bands become commercialized and the guy sitting next to me started making fun of us. But he asked something, "Well, if you were them, you'd be wanting to make money doing what you love, wouldn't you?" Yeah. But commercialization? Geeze. It somehow loses its lovliness when "adoring" fans with next to no knowledge of the band buy it because they hear one "cool song" on the radio. Whatev. Like that?

I awoke to an extremely bad hair day. You don't want to know how bad. So I put on my Mizzou hat because apparently I am a traitor to my school and my GTU hoodie and headed to class. Didn't even bother changing out of my cut-up yoga pants I have slept in. And I have successfully managed to go over two weeks without doing my laundry. Muahaha. I think that is probably the first time since I was thirteen or so. Wow. Not because I didn't have enough clothes, just because I like really clean clothes. Whenever I want to do laundry, someone is in the slot, so I am scheduled to do it between 1:00 and 3:00 on Wednesday before choir. Mmm, clean laundry.

Tonight I have to write a reflection paper on volunteering last weekend. And I might as well type up my journal entry for LinC and work on my research log while I am at it. Bleh. After choir, I am headed over to Movie Fan to drop off the movies and perhaps pick up some others. I am really disappointed that Sense and Senibility and Emma were on VHS and not DVD. Darn it...I really wish I had a VHS player here. Must look for one at some point--I knew I should have bought one at FamVid during the summer when they were only $15. Can't beat that, right? Well, anyway, Jimmy John's sounds very yummy right now. I can say the only food I have gotten off-campus since I've been here is Harvest Bread Co., so it's about time I expanded my horizons. And I was also thinking about stopping at the College Town to check out the much cheaper sweatshirts and other decore. Mom needs her decal and I could use another hoodie or two and some sweatpants that I don't have to change out of once I wake up. XD

Good night, folks.

"How did you feel about those Hungry Hungry Hippos?"

I just watched Donnie Darko. I was planning on renting it last night after my excursion to the Normal Theater but instead called Katharyn on way back through the quad. She was telling me how she had just seen it the day before and told me to rent it. Hmm. After spending the majority of my day sleeping, I went to Movie Fan to rent Mansfield Park, Donnie Dark, and American Wedding. Eistir just got home so we are watching Seven. Yep. A day almost completely filled with movies.

I am checking all the syllabi to find any homework I might have missed. G'night. :)

"I just hope that the carpet matches the drapes!"

The past two days have been very bed-oriented. I am not feeling like myself, and in order to distract myself, I have taken to bed and reading Sense and Sensibility. I like it so far...I really like Jane Austen.

Yesterday I was walking in next to Southside from class and Micah say me from the microwave next to the window so he ran to open the door for me and shake my hand. What a cute kid. He sent me an email today about the retreat this weekend, and I am almost positive I am going. We'll be spending the night in a cabin. I would feel better if Sarah went with me, but I know that the Navs are going to the Morton Pumpkin Festival tomorrow, so she might want to go with them instead. I guess we'll see how things go.

Kristen is coming to see me next weekend!!! How exciting is that? Extremely. I get to see one of my girls finally. :) I talked to Corrie last night, too, which was great. I love hearing from her...I miss them so much.

"Shiny promenade of effervescence."

I am talking to Kevin on AIM right now. I am just sad right now. I don't want to explain it all. This is the first time I have felt like this since I moved here. Here is telling me a story about how he got followed after school today...I love it when he tries to distract me. At least he's making an effort to make my mind off things. All you gotta do is try.

So now I sit listening to Gym Class Heroes. It isn't helping, my mood music. I wish I could get out of this...mood, feeling, emotion, cloud.

I realize that everytime a new number pops up on my phone I secretly wish it was a certain person. But how would he get my number? I feel like if he tried hard enough he could find it. I wish he would. What would happen if he did? What would we gain? Nothing more than likely...we'd end up back where we were over a year ago. Could we start over? I wish we could. There was comfort, safety, love, calm. But I have realized I am afraid of committment. I always used to tease Mia about it, but she wasn't one afraid, it's me. I have been asked out a few times, yet I cannot say yes. I just can't. I miss him. I miss us.

I had a really terrifying dream about Rachel dying in a car accident. It made me so upset. That was part of the reason why I didn't want to wake up. She died. A semi hit her. She wasn't breaking any rules or laws, he just ran over the camaro. Jessie came up to tell me. I went home with her...I didn't come back for God knows how long. I didn't want to do anything, I could not function. The night before the wake I called my girls and Wyatt to ask them to come, to be there with me. The entire thing just sickens me. I don't want to even think about it anymore.

Good night.

"Mysteriousness my foot, you poser."

I heart facebook. I have much more friends now and that makes me happy. Liam has a scary picture. Eee.

I had an actual post for the last entry, but I don't know where it escaped to. Meh.

A little bit of my high school drama needs to leave my system, so here goes. One of my friends told me that she was sad I was going away to school because she was worried we wouldn't be close anymore. Well, I have tried to call her, yet she doesn't return my calls even if I leave a voicemail. When I do get a hold of her, it's always, "I haven't talked to you in so long. This and this and this has happened. Oh, sorry, hon, I gotta go because (insert name) just put a movie in. You should call me more often. Bye!" Would that frustrate you? It does me, but not to the point where it consumes my day. It mainly just upsets me when I have one of those conversations. Ultimately, my girls from high school will stop talking to me one by one. It's starting to happen, which really saddens me, but at the same time, I know I don't call all of them frequently, though I have been good at calling some of them as of lately. Yet I feel like I shouldn't be the one to call them all the time...I just know it will happen like that.

I'm going to be the fat farm mom who makes all the calls and arrangements to pull the girls together in fifteen or twenty years for a nice reunion. I will still have all the connections and no one else will have regular contact with anyone else. I just know it. I hope I am wrong even in the teensiest detail. Someone prove me wrong, please. I am usually the one who pulls get-togethers off now, I can't imagine that will change five kids later (I exaggerate, of course).

I am not ready to let go yet.



I start work on Tuesday. That makes me sad. I wish I didn't have to work, but the money will certainly help and it will make me organize my time better. Sadly enough, that means I will miss Gilmore Girls next week...I need to find someone who can record it for me. I was talking to Kelly last night at Underground and she said she might be able to find me a better paying job with fewer hours. I told her to go for it. *thumbs up*

"Whoops-a-daisy..."

"WHO WOULD PAY $20 FOR THAT???"

Yesterday I went to the rally on the quad. Bumped into Dallas for the first time since last Wednesday. Butthead. Anyway, Sarah and I had dragged Scott out of bed to go with us. We listened to some speakers. I dumped all my change into the five-gallon jugs that were being passed around. And the UHS has set up a place where you can donate some of your meal plan to feed kids in Louisiana.

Sarah and I want to go to Louisiana to help. Wish we could find a way to.

Dallas and I went to Wal-mart last night...bought some more groceries. As we were walking around, we found the cheap DVDs. Crocodile Dundee on DVD was on sale for about $5.00, and I almost bought it for Mom and Rachel. I got Shaft because of the yummy Christian Bale and Swing Kids because it was $3.00. When we headed to the movie store, I rented Moonstruck and he got Dumb and Dumberer. Geeze. What a combo, right? Moonstruck wasn't that bad; slight ly overacted but not bad.

Nothing too important to report. I am going with my LinC class to paint a house for two surviving familes from New Orleans that will be staying up here a while. I am excited about that...every bit helps.