"Would you rather have sex with me or stab me in the face?"

I guess not wanting to have sex with someone that is completely unattainable anyway is a blow to the ego. Wyatt gets so upset when we talk about me wanting him. Because there is no probability of it ever happening. I love him, yes, but in that older brother manner. And we actually had a "philosophical" conversation about the above mentioned question. How could I? I would never be able to stab him in the face even if he did something horrendous towards myself, like stabbing me first. As for sex, NO. Never. Ever never never. It's not that it is me not wanting him, it's that it's me not wanting him. Pride is such an awful thing on occasion.

Jake called me twice tonight. Once he didn't even speak. The second time he asked me where I was, told me he was drunk, asked me the strangest freaking question in the world, then proceeded to tell me he was staying with me and would call me in a little while. I hope he gets drunk enough to forget. In all likeliness, it is doubtful since it just started to rain. He'll remember and come into my room soaked with rain. Great. No matter what I am not cleaning and he is most definitely sleeping on the floor.

I read Zena's blog. I read Jessie's, too. I am so sad. I wish they would both update more often if only for my reading pleasure. I miss everyone so much. I wish I could come home more often or at least talk to them more often. I don't want to bother anyone or be annoying...especially with Rachel. Since when did she grow up and become so involved? God, I miss her. She's so involved with Key Club and wants to go to MIT. Geeze. How far away is that?? Extremely. Look at how much I miss her when she is an hour away, just think how it would be when she moved that much further away. I didn't expect her to stay the same yet it seems so difficult to accept the concept of change in my mind. I wish I didn't feel like this, bad for the world not revolving around me. It never did, it never will. I've always known that no matter how much I hide it from myself.

Oh, emo lou. emo lou. emo lou.

I wish I wasn't so sad on a Friday night and I didn't call friends and say moronic things that make them quiet because they don't know how to respond. I am the queen. emo lou.