I am talking to Kevin on AIM right now. I am just sad right now. I don't want to explain it all. This is the first time I have felt like this since I moved here. Here is telling me a story about how he got followed after school today...I love it when he tries to distract me. At least he's making an effort to make my mind off things. All you gotta do is try.
So now I sit listening to Gym Class Heroes. It isn't helping, my mood music. I wish I could get out of this...mood, feeling, emotion, cloud.
I realize that everytime a new number pops up on my phone I secretly wish it was a certain person. But how would he get my number? I feel like if he tried hard enough he could find it. I wish he would. What would happen if he did? What would we gain? Nothing more than likely...we'd end up back where we were over a year ago. Could we start over? I wish we could. There was comfort, safety, love, calm. But I have realized I am afraid of committment. I always used to tease Mia about it, but she wasn't one afraid, it's me. I have been asked out a few times, yet I cannot say yes. I just can't. I miss him. I miss us.
I had a really terrifying dream about Rachel dying in a car accident. It made me so upset. That was part of the reason why I didn't want to wake up. She died. A semi hit her. She wasn't breaking any rules or laws, he just ran over the camaro. Jessie came up to tell me. I went home with her...I didn't come back for God knows how long. I didn't want to do anything, I could not function. The night before the wake I called my girls and Wyatt to ask them to come, to be there with me. The entire thing just sickens me. I don't want to even think about it anymore.
Good night.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment