"Sarah's in a good mood."

It's funny how people at work have gotten to the point where they can read me like a book. I have mixed feelings about it...yes, it's nice because that means we're in sync, but it means I spend a heck of a lot of time at work.

Things are going well. Work is good. School is good. Boy is good. I haven't really seen my friends the last week or so. I haven't made the best effort in all honesty. I did get to see Wheaton and Ashley this weekend and we saw Superbad, which was freaking hilarious. There were some parts when I wanted to punch the main character in the face and yell, "What the hell is wrong with you?" but you'll have that.

Overall, lame update. My apologies. I'm grabbing some lunch with Niki tomorrow, so that should be good. Oh, and I have tomorrow off, so if anyone wants to see my lovely face, you should give me a ring! <3

"Time after time."

So I picked out some new songs for my playlist, and it makes me happy. I am in a big Smashing Pumpkins mood...and they'll be in Normal Oct. 4. I have to somehow convince Stephanie's roommate to sell me one. Apparently, tickets sold out within five minutes of going on sale. Somehow this doesn't surprise me.

I apologize for not writing for two months. But if you check myspace, you've probably realized I've updated on there.

Rachel left for Boston. I cried a little but much less than I imagined I would. Jessie and Will live in Chicago now. I am (I guess you can call it) seeing a guy in Bloomington; it's just my luck I didn't even meet him until I'd already decided to leave ISU. I was made a manager in training at work.

School and training at work started this week...I've been trying to keep my mind off Rachel, and luckily, I have a lot to do. But I must admit that I am super tired. It's wearing on me right now. I am waiting up to talk to Sprinkle when he gets off work, and I don't know if I'm going to make it. I have been up since 7:30 this morning.


In news for the evening, my day was extremely hectic trying to get into classes. Got paid, w00t. And work was much better than normal, mainly because I was the only girl in the back after 7:00ish. I was supposed to hang out with Joe from work afterwards, but I didn't get off until 12:30 and I'm pooped. Oh, well! I'll try to keep this updated as much I feel the need to. Check the myspace, that will more than likely be more updated.

G'night, folks.

"If we're not enough..."

I'm blah. I was at an all-time low yesterday...I am still adjusting to my mood swings--I blame the hormones.

It's been a tiring last couple of weeks. I do my own thing constantly. Because I have to be away from the house so much (class and work), it almost seems like I have fewer responsibilities. I want to spend more time at home, but between Rachel and all my friends plus work and school, I don't get a lot of time to chill on the couch with Dad and Patty. Tomorrow I'll be home until I work tomorrow night, so that'll be some good down time.

I miss Ashley something fierce. I'm so glad she'll be back in a week, which means she'll probably be down in Springfield in about two weeks--I know she can't wait to see me. And believe it or not, she actually enjoys the Patch. And I miss Mom, I know she's having fun with Len. And Bobby...I need to see him and give him a hug.

Bekki and I are having a fun night on Thursday. We're getting dressed up, going to the mall to take pictures in the booths and walk around in our dresses, eating somewhere nice, and going to the park to take some pictures. I love goofing around with her, it makes me one happy camper.

I've recently noted that I have four girls, besides Rachel, that I would consider a best friend. It always frustrate me when people say you can only have one best friend. Not true in my case. I have two at ISU, two here at home, but all four are from different circles of friends and have different attitudes about so many things. I'm really afraid my friendships with the girls from ISU are going to deteoriate, which is absolutely the last thing I want to happen.

My internet is down so excuse my lack of anything internet. I'm running late to class, but I thought I would drop a line. Hope everyone is doing well.

Some things here are very frustrating (namely a couple of people who will remain nameless) but on the whole everything is going really well. Rachel spends more and more time with her boyfriend. I like him, but sometimes he says things in a joking manner than make me want to tear him in half--that's my uber over-protective big sister in me. He better watch out. ;)

*awkward silence*

The internet is magically back up and running so I am on the interent, obviously...at 2:30am.

Revelations of the week:
-I am turning into a bit of a hippie. Not in dress, mind you, but in the fact that I'm getting more and more liberal in my political views and the people I've recently gotten closer to.
-I am a friend of convenience. This is both a good and a bad thing.
-I really don't like boys right now. It's just a down time for them...not really appreciating them at all.
-I am very busy.
-Gretchen Wilson will be at the State Fair along with Daughtry (separate night of course).

We had to take this political placement test online for my politics class, and I was on the line between liberal and communitarian. It's not where I placed myself before the test, but then again I didn't really think that all my opinions on policies and current issues added up would make me liberal (now that I've thought about it, it makes sense).

Kristen is the only person from high school (with the exception of the Leber boys) that I talk to on a regular basis. With everyone else, we only really hang out on breaks and such. Bekki I didn't really become close with until right after we graduated, but between Bekki and Kristen...there lies the continual friendship.

I was supposed to hang out with a friend, and I found out later the reason was because he/she got laid. If said friend had called me to tell me this, I wouldn't have been bothered too much, but because I found out from someone else after the fact, I am pretty pissed. Yeah, this is somewhat amusing to other people...but I think if you knew the situation, you wouldn't be laughing so hard. I feel like this person only calls me when he/she needs a little self-esteem boost because I seem to provide that through moral support or something to that effect, but as soon as a better opportunity comes along, I'm left in the dust. I will not remain a doormat, thank you.

"I left you a present!"

So what's happened since my last entry? My baby sister graduated from high school--and I didn't cry. I was very proud of myself. And her. As Jessie mentioned, the quote of the day (perhaps even the year) was Rachel talking about her presents, which were laying in her lap--a bottle of margarita mix, a fleece blanket, and a MIT beaver from one of those build-a-bear places. "I can get drunk and curl up with my blanket and my beaver!" Jessie and I were laughing so hard, I was crying actually. No one heard what she said so we had to relay the message to the rest of the family with the exception of Aunt Mae. I don't think any of Rachel's friends really understood. But that's okay.

I've been talking to Kyle more, which is a good thing. It's nice to know that I'll have someone else to hang out with who lives at home. The only downside is that our schedules don't match up very well. One of us always seems to be working. We both had last night off and were supposed to hang out but that didn't work out because he fell asleep. Oh, well.

Rachel and I had a pity party the other night. She came in kind of upset because it's finally hitting her that she's leaving everything behind. Everything. Her boyfriend, her family, all her friends...she is going to miss us all tremendously, not that I can blame her. I don't think I'd be able to go so far away not knowing anyone. But her friend Becca is going to be in Connecticut, only an hour and a half away so that will be of some help. We went to the truck stop (because DQ was closed) and got pints of Hagen-Daaz and some chips then proceeded to watch two episodes of Law & Order. I gotta tell you that Rachel and I are certainly easy to please.

"He got me the hook-up!"

Kristen and I are currently talking about her new car...'05 Toyota Corolla.

I am still floating in some rain cloud. I have to say that it's finally hitting me how much I miss Ashley. She left for London last Thursday and should be in Ireland by tomorrow.

I'm hanging out with Kristen tomorrow...we need it. And Rachel is graduating on Saturday. I'm going to look hot. And we're having a family meeting on Saturday. We all know Mom's moving; the question is when.

"She's got such a pretty face but she feels like a disgrace."

What was that? Sarah is in one of her depressing moods again? Bingo.

The only person I've really talked to on the phone for the past three days has been Ashley, with the exception of Bekki. She is leaving tomorrow...her plane leaves at 6:00pm for London. She and Erica will be flying there then to Milan and Paris and somewhere else I can't remember before starting classes. I'm going to miss her.

Going to see Pirates tomorrow night because that's when it opens and that's just how we roll. I'm going to Party Tree to see if we can find eye patches and some hats. Might as well play the part, you know?

Something feels really wrong. I can't put my finger on it just yet, but I'm sure to find out soon. I'm hoping that it'll be quick, like a bandaid. I know I don't have it together, and that's what sucks the most.

I start work Friday night. I didn't want to work, I don't really want to do anything. I'd be happy if money didn't exist or I had enough of it. I wish gas prices would come down. I want to stop crying every time I think about Rachel leaving; it's a hard habit to break. I am thankful for the people around me, but I wish I wasn't such a burden to them. I really hate myself sometimes.

"You're awesome. No one else would have done that."

I've been home for a week. It's been good to lounge around and do things at my leisure.

Mom's birthday was on Wednesday so we went out to celebrate on Tuesday. Wednesday I went to Kaylin's soccer game. Thursday we had a girls' night in, which was a blast. And Ashley took the train in yesterday to spend the night, left today. We saw Wheaton and Loopy last night...it was good seeing them.

I have to admit that I am pretty tired right now but content. I'm extremely glad to be home. :)

"Are you happy?"

Am I? I'm glad to be done with finals. I'm not so happy that I have to chill here until Sunday. But it's alright...I'm going to sleep, eat, and do a whole lot of nothing, except checking people out of their rooms. And I have to take down everything in my room and pack on Saturday.

I feel like such a complainer right now, so I won't say too much more. I cried when I watched the Nanny tonight. It was the series finale rerun...I'm a loser. And way to weepy as of late.

"Watch me as I gravitate."

My first final today was alright. The multiple choice section was super easy, but the short answer was tricky...I'm glad I studied as much as I did. My weather final at 7:50am tomorrow is going to suck. A lot. And I have another one at 10, which won't be too bad since it's literary narrative. I need to finish reading Metamorphosis, but I only have ten pages to go or so.

It's been harder to say goodbye then I thought. Some friends have already left. Tonight was the Encounter pancake dinner...I had to say goodbye to most of my friends there because they're all going home or are too busy to hang out before I leave on Sunday. It's especially hard to say bye to the girls in my small group; I've come to love all of them a lot.

Right now I am putting off some further studying. And to maybe rant a little. It's ridiculous how often I've heard marriage mentioned lately. It's all over the place! HeyYu and I joked about how we're probably going to be the only two of the Lunch Buddies are still single come Niki's wedding in August 2009. We'll be the only ones not seriously committed to someone...so many of the girls were knew are getting married. I feel absolutely feel the heat. I think I'm feeling it from myself mostly. Phew. Right now I am completely content with my friends. I can do what I want when I want and with whom I want. Not that I wouldn't be able to do that when I am dating someone. But geeze. Boys complicate things so much. And why do people come to me for dating advice when I've been the single longest next to Cathy? I don't understand this. Is it because they think I've seen it all? Oh, well.

I'm going to miss my complete independence here at school while I'm home for the summer. Yeah, I'm ready to be home, but I'll be bitching about how I ain't got no respect and have to check in with the 'rents in a few weeks. My room here at school is larger than my room at home, lol, which is mostly due to the fact that my bed at home is large. Oh, well. :) Still excited!!!!!!!!

G'night, folks.

"Could you..."

So Ashley was closing a car door and accidentally broke Whitney's thumb. Whoops. She obviously feels horrible, but it wasn't something she wanted to do on purpose. They spent over an hour in the ER.

I'm on duty tonight...and right now I am craving a gondola from Avanti's like nobody's business. I have almost no money on my redbird card so I'm going to be ordering some take-out this week anyway.

This weekend was awesome. It was super busy...I didn't get much sleep, but I still enjoyed myself immensely. Friday Rachel and I went to see Spiderman 3 with Bekki, Wyatt, Steve, and Wyatt's friend Chris. Saturday we babysat while Bobby mowed then we went to the PARK concert. I was kind of disappointed with some of the opening bands...I'm not as big a fan of screamo as I once was. But PARK was simply amazing. My only objection was the moshing and rushing the crowd. We were in a small space with a lot of people...not perfect conditions for the tiny girls who were standing in front of us, especially since we ended up on the edge of mosh arena.

Lots to do this week: studying, taking finals (one Tuesday, two Wednesday, on Thursday), checking my residents out. Can't wait for it to be over in a week!!!!!!!!

"I'm going to draw a picture..."

Okay, so none of you will really get this, but I thought it was rather hilarious. This is what you get after your sugar fix in Chatter's at 11:30pm. Tom the eucalyptus tree, Stacey the koala, Stefanie and I are apparently the Croc Hunter and his wife.

I'll be home in 29 hours. And now I have to go work on a paper, thank you. :)

"I never knew that everyone is waiting on a cue."

I have a countdown going. Today was really busy, but I'm still working on my psych paper that is due tomorrow.

I've just noticed how much my plant is growing. Fran finds the environment suitable, I guess. This made my night actually. That and the fact that I'm finishing up the second season of LOST.

I'm hoping tomorrow is as productive as today.

And my room is getting really hot. This is the only downside to the dorm--no air conditioning. I will survive, though...it's still cooler than Atkin because they still have the heat on.

Have a good night, folks!

"Well, I ain't never been the Barbie doll type."

I wrote a long entry about a boy. But I changed my mind.

I am tired of everything. I'm burned out. I'm ready to be done. Such is the life of this procrastinator.

All I've done this week is sleep in too late and watch too many episodes of LOST. I was on duty last night. I've been feeling particularly antisocial lately, even though I've been hanging out with my friends still. We're getting towards the end of the year, and while they want to spend more time together because we'll all be leaving shortly, I want to sit in my room, eat my food from Wal*Mart, and watch TV. My brain has seriously shut off...I know several entries previous to this one have stated something along those lines, but it's so true. Have two papers due this week and one final, four finals next week. And then I have to check people out of their rooms. I'm waiting for Thursday of next week when I'll be done academically.

Four days until I get to sleep in my bed. Four days until Spiderman 3, five days until PARK. Yes.

"Would you help me stand?"

So it has been a long week...but it was much better than the last. The muscle relaxers made it a lot easier to sleep at night.

Siblings weekend was a lot of fun! I'm really glad Rachel could make it up here. On Friday, we went to the 60s dance that Encounter hosted...they played all old school music. The funny thing is that it's hard to dance to because we're so used to hard rock and all that sex-with-no-clothes dancing. So what did I do? I started to dance like Mom because I figured it was her era, she knew what she was doing. My friends kept saying things like "Wow, that is so cool--where did you learn to dance like that?" Thank you, Mommy. Saturday, Rachel and I spent the afternoon outside between Kick Out and Spring Fest on the Quad. Needless to say, we both got sunburned. And we saw Lucky Boys Confusion. It was amazing until I got kicked in the head by a crowd surfer then I was done and we headed out.

I started a job last week as the recycling person for Walker Hall, which means I take all the recycling outside to the designated place and I work on my own time. I don't like it at all but it's a little extra cash...and it's only about 1.5 hours every two days so it's not too time-consuming. Oh, and speaking of recycling, we had a program yesterday where we used old water bottles to make a potted plant. Mine is sitting on my desk, Fran the Flower. The seeds obviously haven't grown yet but I made flowers out of pipe cleaners hoping that this would encourage the seeds a little.

I'm currently not in a very good mood...I have an inkling why. I really enjoy listening to the music on my myspace. Gensis and Carole King are making me feel a little better. I think part of the bad mood is due to a very frightening dream I had during my afternoon nap.


I was on the cast for a movie being filmed on ISU's quad, which btw did not look like the quad at all--it looked more like a huge valley. It was about African tribal wars (tribes from totally different time periods), and I was part of the Egyptian tribe. Anyway, we're filming and a huge group of people who just left a frat party walk by and I know some of them. Pretty soon the actors who were playing parts of the tribes turn their war against the on-lookers because it turns real or something, so I take off with my friends towards Hamilton-Witten. Grandma and Grandpa Spengler show up in Aunt Susan's big SUV; my friends and I jump into the car and Bobby Joe is in his little VW behind us with some more of my friends. Grandma insists that we stop for pie so we do but then the tribes are catching up to us so Grandma, who is driving, peels out of this pie place while Grandpa tells us to hang on. We start driving the wrong way down Main Street (it's one-way), and Bobby's car comes out of nowhere and it's smoking. We can't stop so we hit him and I get out to check on him and he's disappeared; my friends try to get back to the SUV but the tribes have caught up with the stopped car so Grandma tells me to run back to the dorms while she fends up tribal members with a spear. My friends run into Witten where my freshmen boys live and all the lights are off because the whole camus knows that the tribes are out for blood. Bobby just so happens to be in their room with the other friends, and I woke up when the whole dorm was under siege.

Now that I go back and read that it's not scary at all. But it was absolutely terrifying in my dream. Geesh.

"Okay, Oscar the Grouch..."

Yeah, I'm grumpy.

This weekend was pretty amazing. Relay for Life was simply amazing. I was really worn out by the end, but it's all good. I only made it until 3:30 when I called it quits...they shut the whole thing down at 5 because it had been raining. The muscle relaxers make me more tired than I should be. The whole slew of us made over $144,000, which is just...mind-blowing. I slept all of yesterday and went to Spring Formal last night. I danced my heart out, got laughed at, but enjoyed myself immensely. I have pictures up on facebook and myspace--it'll take me a little bit to get pictures up on photobucket.

Ashley is back from home. I haven't seen her yet. Which makes me very sad.

--EDIT--

I have been finding fault in people a lot today. What makes me angry the most is that I tend to share those faults...I have the same insecurities. I guess it's good that I can recognize the hypocrisy of it all.

"The latest just in!"

I took some of my residents to see ISU's production of West Side Story. The girl who was sitting next to me had never seen it before and wasn't sure really what to expect. When it came to the end...Tony sees Maria after Doc tells him that Chino shot Maria for their love ...they reach for one another...Chino lifts his gun and shoots Tony, and almost simultaneously, the girl next to me screams bloody murder. Everyone laughed and moved on. I couldn't stop laughing. I was crying I was laughing so hard. And as Maria sat with Tony's head in her lap and crying his name, I laughed louder than I would have liked. I laughed the whole way home and I am still laughing.

In other news, I sprained a muscle in my neck while stretching shortly after waking up. So now I am on muscle relaxers and pain killers. Go me. I can move my neck all the way to the left but not much to the right. I received a pamphlet containing instructions to exercise my neck...it also has pictures in case I stumble on the words. The muscle relaxers make me feel very groggy. I'm not too happy about this because I have to write a paper for tomorrow and have all that stuff to do this weekend.

But all-in-all, it's been an alright day. I am just in a haze...I'm hoping I will be out by tomorrow afternoon. Ashley went home tonight because one of her best friends from home had a little brother that killed himself on Tuesday morning and her little sister also happened to date him. Sixteen-years-old. Ashley's roommate's uncle is the hospital on the brink of dying. So much death...

All one can do is pray.

"Give me a glass and pour me some more chardonnay."

I almost just cut my hair. Again. Just in one of those moods...

But then I thought, It still hasn't recooperated from the last time I chopped it all off.

I'm glad I'm keeping my hair's opinion in mind...

"No real reason to accept the way things have changed."

I cried myself to sleep last night. I ached for Lynlea all night. I just hurt for her. I felt so sick knowing I can't do a single thing to ease any of her pain.

You know what I do when something like this happens to me? I get busy so I don't have to think about it. But when it comes time for me to fall asleep, I can't because I am overwhelmed and just end up crying too much. I push my grief away from anyone's view...I don't like crying in front of people, especially if they're outside the family. I hate crying in front of people. For me, it's reserved for my pillow, my stuffed animals, and my dog. Max used to sit with his head in my lap while I cried...I couldn't ask for anyone better.

Things Bekki said in her blog and things I've been thinking about seem to correlate. She feels like she's lost hope, she wishes she was more appreciative of her life before graduating high school. Let's face it...no one is super appreciative of being a teenager in high school. Only in retrospect do we decide that we enjoyed being an adolescent. I am appreciative now...why shouldn't I be? I had three parents who loved me as much as they loved my sisters, I went to a good high school and got a great education, I turned out pretty well (at least I'd like to think so). I am grateful for having so much in my life. And it's true what they say about life being short. Why shouldn't we say what we mean? Tell someone you love them because it might be the last time you talk. I don't want to live with regrets. I know I've said it before but I mean it every single time.

Damn, I'll be optimistic until the end. I feel like I need to be that for anyone and everyone. Someone has to have faith, someone needs to believe that there is purpose in everyone's lives. I don't know if I can be optimistic enough to meet everyone's quota, but I'll try. I know right now I have to be optimistic for Bekki. She feels like she's drowning...and even though I can't swim all that well, I'll be there to yank her out.


And I don't say this enough. I love my family. Immensely. I love Bobby for being the cool older brother I always wanted and laughing at me when I am being super immature. I love Jessie for (in a particular instance) not knowing the answers but telling me she would help me find them. I love Rachel because she listens to everything I say, and even though she knows I'm an idiot sometimes she still knows that I have love her more than anything in this world. I love Mom for still wanting to dye Easter eggs even though her daughters are 18, 20, and 25. I love Dad for knowing that if I'm upset all he has to do is says he loves me and I feel a million times better. And I love everyone who can still take me seriously even after singing all the lyrics to "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls.

And I will tell you one more thing that I am thankful for: all my friends. They're all fabulous in their own individual ways...I couldn't ask for a better bunch. There are so many people I feel comfortable with, so many I could call a best friend. I'll be honest, it is so hard for me to designate a particular friend to be labeled "best." So thank you for singing with me in the car, for walking around downtown taking pictures like we were tourists, for getting Luca's or ice cream a million times, for having sleepovers, for getting sick on too many Twizzlers, for helping me walk to the bathroom because I was too intoxicated, for letting me take so many damned pictures, for crying with and for me, for making fun of my height, for helping me get ready for a dance, for being at my concerts, for giving me so many hugs, for accepting me for my extremely boitserous self even though you're not, for listening, for calling me at 3am bawling your eyes outs, for widening my taste in music, for gossiping with me, for helping me decorate my hallways and put up door decs. For all of you, I love you. Each and every one of you. Most of the people that I wish would read that won't. But I love you...

...and you...
...and you...
...and you...

In a box high up on the shelf, left for you, no one else

"Would you go with me if we rolled down streets of fire?"

I am in love with Josh Turner's voice. Have I mentioned how much I love a good baritone/bass? Lord, take me now...

When I listen to this song late at night, I have peace. It makes me feel like my life is falling into place, there's hope still there. "I love you so, so would you go with me?" Makes me wish I had brought a guitar with me...I want to learn so badly but Miss Sarah doesn't seem to make time for anything that is outside her little schedule.

My prom dress is in the closet and it's taking up a large amount of space. But it makes me happy--I'm going to prom again next weekend. Ashley is my date...it should be a lot of fun. It's going to be one crazy weekend with Relay For Life, Intersection, and prom. I had to request it off so I'm going to stay at Ashley's, something I can never do because of curfew.

I had such a fabulous weekend. Late night Friday was a little awkward, but I'm good. We dyed Easter eggs, had a delicious Easter ham, went to a boring church service, shopped, saw a movie, slept on the way back up here.

I did have one major downside to the weekend, though. I had a friend/acquaintence that died from complications of a car accident he was in Friday. Ryan Landers was a great guy that I wish I had known better. I am friends with his significant other, and I want to say something to console her but I have no idea how. Poor Lynlea...she is fantastic and I just hope that knowing that she has friends surrounding her who love and miss Ryan, too, will be of some comfort. She has so many people telling her that they are there for her, and although that might make her feel a little better, nothing is going to spare her the pain...I just want to give her a bear hug and a kiss on the head. That's all I could really offer her. God bless, Ryan.

-EDIT 1:07am-

I'm not going to gossip and mention a bunch of names, but I have to talk about this. One of my closest friends is with this guy that walks all over her and I've never liked him. I've made it clear that is the case but I've tolerated because she loves him. Well, he "sort of" broke up with her this week and now he's changed his mind or something along those lines...I don't think anyone realizes how angry this whole situation makes me...except for maybe her. I laid it all out for her tonight. I didn't say "me or him," just that if she starts dating him again that I will not be happy. But being her best friend means being there for her no matter what her decision.

Let me say this for clarification: I hate boys.

"So tell what you want, what you really really want!"

Things are going better. I've been having some trouble falling asleep before 2am. One night I was up to 5:30am. But now it's getting better and I've been taking naps to make up for it.

I'm in a much better mood. I still have yet to do any of my bulletin boards or door decs. I'll have to do that either tonight or tomorrow...We have to have them up by Saturday, but since I'm leaving on Friday, I have to get them up before then. It's also my month to the bulletin boards up in the lobby so Tasia and I will be doing that tomorrow.

I am very glad to be coming home this weekend. I'm going earlier and coming back later than I expected, which means I'll get to do more stuff and see more people. It's going to be a lot of fun. :)

"You fill me full of self-doubt."

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

I'm not in a fabulous mood right now. Actually, I am kind of pissed.

My pensive self this late/early is rather bitter. Perhaps this is caused by the "too much time on my hands."


I would like to apologize to my whole family for never allowing you to meet a boyfriend. None of them were any good...at all. That's why you never got to meet them.

This little blurb was spurred on by a late night phonecall from my first boyfriend to tell me he wants to ask his current girlfriend to marry him. This would be his second engagement in the last year. The last one ended when he called his fiancee from a bar, drunk with his buddies, and dumped her over the phone then proceeded to call me to say "haha." I won't go into great detail but I did kick him in the shins at the end of our relationship. As you can see by the treatment of his fiancee, you can imagine how stupid he was back when he was 19/20 when we were dating. I'm so glad this guy is out in the work force and attempting to get married yet again--makes my conscience feel so much better.

You know what he said to me? "You know you won't do any better than me." I would rather never fall in love than spend my entire life with someone knowing that I had settled, thinking I couldn't do any better. It makes me so angry to think that someone could be so arrogant as to suggest that I couldn't do better than the gum stuck to the bottom of my Chucks.

On that bitter note, I will end this. Have a good night, chicadees.

"Drowning my sorrows, but my sorrows, they learned to swim."

I bought a small box of Crunch 'n Munch for $0.79 at Meijer. Get this: I bought a pint of strawberry ice cream, four boxes of mac 'n cheese, and a box of Crunch 'n Munch for the grand total of $3.79. How is this possible, you ask. I have no idea...this caramely popcorn and peanut combination is very addicting.

Today was an excellent day. I woke up late because I didn't have class until 11, finished writing a paper that was due at 2. I looked really cute, too. After psych, I came back and instead of the RAs having in-service we got to go to Chuck E. Cheese. It was a blast! Afterwards, I had to go to an extremely long ISRAA meeting...but they had breakfast for dinner so it was okay. Wrote a letter for an overseas soldier at this table some RAs had set up in the dining center. Headed back to my room for maybe half an hour when I get a phone call from an RA from Atkin saying that I needed to go this Mocktail party in my building, so I figured I'd attend long enough to get my drink then duck out. There ended up being a jazz combo and several of my friends showed up that were filming something for the bi-weekly news so I stayed to help out. Basically, it just ended up being these "news casters" and a group of RAs from South-Central campus. But we danced and schmoozed and whatnot. I left so I could go to small group, which was different than normal--we went to a playground and played and talked then headed to Meijer and back to Breanna's apartment. I loved it...we had some major girlie time and talked about boys and other things that girls do. I didn't get back from Breanna's until close to 12:30.

It is such a refresher to remember that I have such fantastic friends. They surprise me at times and I rather enjoy it.


PS I'll be home in another week.

"You should die before your dreams do."

I couldn't sleep so I figured I would write another entry for y'all. I was in bed for a long time with the lights, but I was thinking about too much. So I emailed a professor, googled a movie I found while flipping through HBO, wanted to start working on a paper then decided against it, read a few chapters out of Frankenstein, ended up back on the journal.

Ashley and I are going to start jogging tomorrow night. I am tired of feeling so lethargic and wanting to sleep all the time. I really would sleep forever if I didn't have people waking me up. I only woke up at 3:30 yesterday afternoon because someone called me.

Six more weeks of class and one week of finals...then I'll be home for the summer. Can you believe it? I can't. That is really not that far away. I just went through my day book and looked at my schedule...presentations, papers, tests, and I'm busy every single weekend until move out. I'll be home for Easter weekend and the weekend before finals. I can't believe every weekend is busy with something...I'll admit that I kind of like it. That means it will pass quickly.

Oh, and I thought I should let you know that Lincoln Land accepted me into their great establishment so I will be able to take summer classes. Didn't think I wasn't going to get in, but you never know...

Does anyone know when the Jazz Band Dance is? I would hate to miss it this year...the first in a very long time. And when is graduation?

"This is the day your life will surely change."

Have any of you seen the M&M commercial that says to find your inner M&M? Well, I have. I recognized the song from the ending of Empire Records, so naturally I check it out because I was bored and had to remain in my room (on duty again).

"This is the Day" by The The

Well, you didn't wake up this morning because you didn't go to bed
You were watching the whites of your eyes turn red
The calendar on your wall is ticking the days off
You've been reading some old letters
You smile and think how much you've changed
All the money in the world couldn't buy back those days

You pull back your curtains
And the sun burns into your eyes
You watch a plane flying
Across a clear blue sky
This is the day
Your life will surely change
This is the day
When things fall into place

You could've done anything
If you'd wanted
And all your friends and family think that you're lucky
But the side of you they'll never seeIs when you're left alone with the memories
That hold your life together ... like glue

You pull back your curtains
And the sun burns into your eyes
You watch a plane flying
Across a clear blue sky
This is the day
Your life will surely change
This is the day
When things fall into place

This is the day your life will surely change
This is the day your life will surely change
This is the day your life will surely change
This is the day your life will surely change

Babel

It's amazing how one decision can affect the rest of your life. A decision to go on vacation or to go home or to have sex or to have a shooting competition. All could result in the loss of a life, all could result in prejudices, all could result in tragedy. But even through the pain of injury, the confusion of being deserted, the black cloud surrounding death, and the fatal consequences of what you think is a simple game, you can see the light. You have persevered and made it through the darkness in the hopes for something better. You're going to live. You are going to make it through another day and be able to tell people down the line that you are a survivor. And everyone is connected through all of it. You're never alone...

I could be connected to some child in Africa who is starving or some rice farmer in Thailand.

When something like this is put in front of me, I wonder about fatism. Does it exist? How could you not believe that everything has a purpose? We're not just floating on clouds, waiting to drop from the sky. Every decision you have has consequences.

And it's time for me to start making some drastic decisions myself.

"I have a confession to make..."

Such dramatic words.

I don't really have a confession...although I have read my past few entries and have decided that I write exactly as I sound and feel most of the time--overly bubbly. Geeze, is it annoying. Is this supposed to be one of my endearing qualities? I guess so, lol.

It was absolutely gorgeous outside today. I went to all of my classes for the first time this week. My sore throat has turned into some massive nasal congestion. I think I'll head over to student health services tomorrow because the cold and because I was scratching my shin with the heal of my shoe and I managed to rip some skin off and cause some bruising. Only me, right? Anyway, my legs just about as bad as Jessie's right now: very white and bruised. Back to the weather, I enjoyed it immensely. I've had my windows open all day and my fan going. I even walked around without my coat today it was warm enough.

I'll be home in two weeks for Easter. And I had to request the following weekend off for Relay 4 Life. I'm very excited about it...our team is pretty big but we'll have a blast. Lol, as Andrew says, "It's just an excuse for students to camp out on the quad for the night." Our theme is Rock 4 the Cure and we're going to be the cool kids playing all the old rock stuff from the '60s on.

"I have a confession to make..."

Such dramatic words.

I don't really have a confession...although I have read my past few entries and have decided that I write exactly as I sound and feel most of the time--overly bubbly. Geeze, is it annoying. Is this supposed to be one of my endearing qualities? I guess so, lol.

It was absolutely gorgeous outside today. I went to all of my classes for the first time this week. My sore throat has turned into some massive nasal congestion. I think I'll head over to student health services tomorrow because the cold and because I was scratching my shin with the heal of my shoe and I managed to rip some skin off and cause some bruising. Only me, right? Anyway, my legs just about as bad as Jessie's right now: very white and bruised. Back to the weather, I enjoyed it immensely. I've had my windows open all day and my fan going. I even walked around without my coat today it was warm enough.

I'll be home in two weeks for Easter. And I had to request the following weekend off for Relay 4 Life. I'm very excited about it...our team is pretty big but we'll have a blast. Lol, as Andrew says, "It's just an excuse for students to camp out on the quad for the night." Our theme is Rock 4 the Cure and we're going to be the cool kids playing all the old rock stuff from the '60s on.

"Come to the Hotel California?"

I'm listening to an amazing reggae album Kyle burned for me. I want to stand on my bed and groove out but I will refrain. He also introduced me to Pandora which is a really cool music site which doesn't requiring downloading any software or anything.

So the last few days have been amazing! I've seen many people this weekend that I haven't seen in ages. Some people I haven't seen since graduation--can you believe it? Nearly two years...I will post pictures on photobucket very shortly so everyone can see (I already have some up on myspace.).

Thursday I went over to Wyatt's and hung out with he and his lovely. Friday I got back home after a little adventure with the two of them...Jessie and Will came up. We went to D'Arcy's and no one wanted their picture taken. Met my girls at Perkin's for Cathy's birthday. We hung out there for a while and then afterwards I headed over to Adam's to watch Borat. I didn't end up getting back to Mom's until close to 4:30 in the morning...got up and did some parading, had some corned beef and cabbage. Went to Olive Garden to meet a bunch of people for Lynlea's birthday...had dinner with Jessie, Will, Brian, Megan, and Rachel at Amberjack's. Crazy hostess/owner had a shamrock cape on! And Kyle came over. He's one of those people I haven't seen in forever...I miss hanging out with my buddies from high school. You don't really think about what you're missing until you catch a glimpse of it.

And I think I caught a bug or something. My throat is killing me like no other. Have a fantastic day, kiddies. I am glad I came back from break with such a positive attitude.

"I'm never alone. I'm alone all the time."

I love my myspace profile song. You know what my favorite shower song is? "Last Train Home" by Lost Prophets...it's perfect to hop around and sing at the top of your lungs, though sometimes I am afraid I might fall and hurt myself. Afterall, the shower is a very slippery place.

Chewy is sleeping with me tonight. It's a guilty pleasure of mine. For some reason, I don't like to cuddle with people when I'm trying to sleep but inanimate objects, such as pillows and stuffed animals, and dogs are perfectly fine. And dogs smell as nice as people. *shrug*

I can't sleep. It's nearly 4:00 in the am. I am going to lunch with Grandma today, which I am excited about. Because it's Olive Garden and because I'm going to look nice.

You know what other song I like? "The Distance" by Cake. It makes me think of Jessie when she was a freshman in high school and she wore her funky polyester pants and her vans. Yeah, she was all badass ska, which is so funny. And it makes me think about driving the Blazer. Going down the highway with the windows down, the sun in my face, and the music up way too loud. I love to drive for no reason. I like having to wear sunglasses and having nasty windblown locks that would more easily be made into dreads than combing it out.

I love Springfield. And I think I love it more because I'm only visiting right now. I like that I grew up in the middle of nowhere, that I know what muddin' is, that I could replace a spare if I needed to, that I go for a jog and end up running away from woodland creatures, that I can enjoy both whiny country and whiny emo music, that I am interested in the Lincoln sites, that I actually know where things are located below I-80, that I have a weird accent, that I've been to St. Louis besides on a fieldtrip, that I know what a horseshoe is, that I would rather take back roads instead of the interstate, that I know how cute baby calves are, that I enjoy a good glass of wine but still want a beer twenty minutes later, that I am German descent just like everyone else in New Berlin, that I get to go both to the county fair and the state fair.

I am so excited about graduating. It's not that far off really. I've only got three more semesters of classes after this spring. I'm going to try to find a job around here...me, the homebody back in the Patch. I have so many friends who are trying to get out but they don't think they can. I can't wait to make it back in my own place with a real job. That doesn't make me a loser either. Nope. I'm just glad that I know what I want--not a lot of people can say that.

Sorry for the ADD. After I listen to some more Cake, I'm headed for bed. I really need to get some sleep. I hope all of you have a delightful day/evening. <3

"Do you want me to come pick you up?"

Spring break. Not bad at all. It's kind of frustrating not having a car but it's not the end of the world...and Bobby Joe needs it more than me anyway. Rachel and I hung out all day on Saturday and did our girl thing. Walked around downtown, got a manicure and our eyebrows waxed, did some thorough window shopping, grabbed some movies to watch. Sunday was awesome because Dad made pancakes and I slept forever and a day.

Monday Bekki picked me up and we went to eat at Chili's, walked around downtown and got some Cold Stone. The two of us are quite the duo...I don't think I realize how much I miss her until I finally get to see her--I hadn't seen her since before her birthday in December. That's a very long time to go without Bekki.

Yesterday I ran some errands, saw 300 with Loopy, Wheats, and their friend Sam. I gotta say that I love going out with those boys because they always end up paying for everything--that's not the only reason I like them, lol. I haven't had boys pay for my stuff in a long while so it's great to have two of my male friends who have nothing else to blow their money on besides paying for my movie tickets and chocolate. One of my friends (Stephanie) from school who is from Decatur drove to Springfield yesterday to have dinner with me. I was absolutely thrilled! I took her for her first Cozy Dog visit and she really loved it. Afterwards, we made a trip to the mall so she could grab some khakis or something. When I got home, Mom said it was too late for Rachel to drive me back to Dad's so Wyatt picked me up and we headed out to Wings to see Bekki while she was at work. Being with the two of them is fantastic. I really miss seeing them and the rest of the Tri-City group--yeah, I hang out with Wheaton and Loopy but that it's not the same. I got an application for Wings which would be a fun job over the summer (I'd get to waitress which means tips!). After a music-blaring and singing-as-loud-as-we-could drive back from the east side of town, I had a talk with a buddy so he decided to come over. We watched part of Donnie Darko and talked about some things that just needed to be talked about.


I'm not tired of boys--I am tired of the way I react to them. I try to be me at all times, but everyone changes their attitudes around certain people. You know you do just as I know I do. You act differently around your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, your best friend, your boyfriend/girlfriend, acquaintence, church buddy, coworker. You slightly modify your attitude; you choose your words a little more carefully around certain people. Everyone does it. I just hate that I do it moreso around certain people than I do with others. How can I be my true self when I feel the need to modify my behavior in front someone? I can't.

I don't want someone to get to know the wrong me. I want them to know the me Ashley, Bekki, Kristen, and Stephanie do. The open fart policy, the belching, the homework, the ex's, the other friends...they're the only people I am really willing to cry in front of besides Rachel and my parents. I'm not saying I want to be best friends with everyone. Nope, not at all. I just wish I could be a little more open with more people.

Good News!

So yesterday I turned in this application on a whim thinking it sounded like a good idea...

ISRAA is a statewide organization for RAs and they have conferences every year. This year ISU is putting in a bid for the conference so RAs needed to apply for committee chairs by this week. I applied to be the Volunteer Chair, and I got it! So if ISU wins the bid for the conference next year, I get to head a committee for the conference, which is a big deal. Hooray!!!!!!

"I don't want to work out."

Look like it's not going to happen today. Neither Ashley or myself feel the need to work out today. I couldn't get out of bed until half an hour again because I am a woman and my body does it's own thing. I took eight IB profeun before eating anything which probably won't help anything. Ashley doesn't feel good either.

I deleted the last entry that I wrote last night because I didn't like it. As Corrie says, "Oh, the power of censorship!"

I have one more midterm tomorrow, which I studied for a little last night. Need to kick it into high gear tonight, though.

I couldn't sleep last night so I started taking down last month's bulletin boards and one of my girls came over to me while I was working, sat down and poured out her heart. When things like that happen, it makes me absolutely love my job. They trust me enough to come with boy problems, parent problems, friend problems, or just to plop down on my bed and watch some TV. I LOVE IT. It's sappy, yes, but it makes me feel a little better about myself and the role I have in their lives.

"Don't forget--we're turtles!"

Yeah, so I am a huge loser and have been watching old school intros to cartoons we watched in the '90s and trailers for old movies. Andrew thought it would be awesome to announce that he loves Bobby's World, and I would have to agree...which led me to this website. It is fantastic! Check it out.

Today was and continues to be a super busy day. I'm rather enjoying it, too. I think I kicked butt on both tests I've taken today...hopefully. And I have a break from tests until Thursday so tonight I'm taking my girls to see American History X which is showing here on campus. Exciting, eh?

"'Sup, yo?"

My new favorite phrase. For a while there it was "All up in mah grill!" What can I say? I don't want to be a cowboy, baby. I want to be a gansta. ;)

So this weekend is treating me roughly. Very roughly. Yesterday I was so sick and I could hardly make it to the bathroom and back to bed. Ashley decided I needed to go to the Student Health Services. To make a long story short, I have a virus and it's making me sick which is making me dehydrated. They stuck me three times to get an IV going but my veins were not having it. So instead they did a blood test to tell me that yes, indeed, I am sick. Anyway, I feel waaaay better today. I drank so much water yesterday that I had the five-minute pee that Tom Hanks has in A League of Their Own. I'm on duty tonight and tomorrow which means I can't leave the building from 17:00 tonight until 8:00 Monday morning. But then the girl who was on duty today said she had a meeting she needed to go to so I've covered her shift since 14:30 today. It's been a lot of me in the dorm room.

This upcoming week is uber busy. I am giving two tours on Monday for the admissions office since it's an Open House (But hey, I get paid!) then a meeting Monday night for the central campus government. Tuesday I have two tests and then I am taking my floor to see American History X which being shown as a part of the Social Justice Series...and of course, Encounter. Wednesday is band and studying for another test on Thursday. I'm not exactly sure when I will be coming home. Either Friday night or Saturday morning. I'm thinking more along the lines of Saturday. That way I can hang out with Ashley until she leaves for Ireland...and I will be able to get all my stuff pulled together.

I'm not sure how I feel about spring break yet. I tried calling SnS several times and I haven't been able to talk to the GM or any of the other managers...I might not be working. I'm very sad I'll be missing Ireland, but I'll get to see Jessie which doesn't happen very often. And all the U of I kids start break March 16 so we're going to go see the musical together, which will be fun.

I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend...


And just so everyone knows, I've been keeping my pictures on photobucket up-to-date, so make sure to check them out!

Love Quotes

I got these from an article in Glamour. Enjoy.

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." -Billy Crystal as Harry in When Harry Met Sally

"Intimacy is a four-syllable word for here's my heart and soul. Please grind them into hamburger and enjoy." -Ellen Pompeo as Meredith on Grey's Anatomy

"I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics." - Woody Allen as Isaac in Manhattan

"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart of burn down your house, you never can tell." -Joan Crawford

"I like you. I like sex. Is nice." -Sacha Baron Cohen as Borat


My favorite is the Joan Crawford quote.

"Why won't you love me?!"

We watched Science of Sleep tonight. It was great...I love French movies. Much more artistic.

I'm on duty tonight. A bunch of my friends came over to keep me company, which was awesome. I got to see Erica and Brennan who I never hang out with anymore. I borrowed a bunch of movies from one of my residents so I am going to stick another one here pretty soon even though it's really late.

I just had my first alcohol bust. I was kind of excited but not really.

I feel so lame right now. I'm very tired but I have way too much caffeine in me...and I will be doing another round in twenty minutes or so to go check on the drunks.

"I believe that if no one sees me eat a whole tub of butter the calories don't exist."

I'm listening to my sappy music because I am being sappy.

My weekend was really good until right before I got to the train station tonight.

Ashley was absolutely fantastic. I went a little overboard last night, but it was fun. Brandon and Wheaton took us to see Ghost Rider, which wasn't too bad. I was just shocked how ripped and old Nicholas Cage is.

Then we had the talk tonight. I'm hurt. So I downed a pint of Ben & Jerry's with some Sex in the City. It won't fix anything...if anything it's more depressing that I am trying to make myself feel better with food, though we must give credit to the two greatest men on earth. Now I think I'm going to go do some laundry and listen to my sappy music.

Oh, Mae is going to be in Champaign on March 27 at the Canopy Club. I would LOVE to go see them, but I don't think I will be able to because it's a Tuesday. But Mae? They're great. If you don't know who they are, they did a Beatles cover which is now my myspace song.

"Don't do that unless you want to get a poke in the head."

Let me just start off saying that my hair is finally back to normal, and I am very excited about it!!!!!! I am hoping that I am done with some hair-dying for now. This is now the fifth time I've dyed it this school year...time to give it a rest. RIP nasty highlights

On another note, Wheaton and Brandon (aka Wheats and Loop) came up to visit me last night and it was a blast. We ate at Potbelly's and went to see Epic Movie, which wasn't that spectacular...anf then we came back to my room and watched National Geographic, proving that indeed we are all nerds. Sometimes I forget how loud Loopy is--he is a male version of me times about 10. Oh, well...

I also picked up a shift at the front desk this morning (5:50-8:50am). Yeah, it was very early, but I got paid to sit there and play mah jong on my computer for three hours.

And now I am going to finish Lord of the Rings...Two Towers? Whichever one the second one is.

Oh, yeah--I will be coming home this weekend with Ashley if the RHC accepts my request off.

Sorry for the ADD. It's been getting worse...

"I wish you two were lesbians!"

Ashley's best friend home Josh came from Western with his boyfriend Sean. Josh said he wished Ashley and I were lesbians because we are so cute together, lol.

And Sean is my new gay boyfriend. He trimmed my hair up (so now I don't have to go get it done) and straightened it for me because he is fantastic!!! :) He is one hot Italian man. Italian not Sicilian, which means...he is tall. Gotta love it. Anyway, Ashley and I decided that we're going to visit them sometime before the semester ends.

On another note, Ashley is home for the weekend so I feel pathetic because she is who I normally hang out with. So what do I do? I talk to her on the phone, lol. But my RA buddy Liz came over and we made some "Cards for Kindness" for a nursing home. It was our weekend activity this weekend, and because ISU is celebrating its 150th anniversary next week, every dorm has to do an activity that produces 150 something so we have to make 150 cards...we made about 100 yesterday and today we made about 20. I'm going to work on it the rest of the weekend, hopefully making 30 more.

Today was much better than last night. :)

P.S. I was getting my curling iron out of my closet and the plug part hit my my lip, which led to bleeding and a swollen lip. Only things like that happen to me, lol.

"Seven drunken pirates for the seven deadly sins."

How dare you say I am not trying hard enough? How dare you tell me that I am not living up to your standards? You might not word it that way, but that is what you mean.

I fail in your eyes but not in mine. Please look through mine and try to see that not all my attempts may be successful but at least I've made them.

God, I just want to be a good person and find myself along the way. It's hard to do that when you don't believe in me.

Just believe. Please, please believe. It couldn't hurt to try and it's killing me that you don't.

Faith, trust, grace, love, understanding...

"You look like a grown up."

I'm sure you all want to hear about my day, right? I went to all three of my classes, took two naps, ate some junky lunch.

I got all purdied up and Ashley surprised me with dinner at our friend Becca's apartment. My Scotty had cooked just about all of it. And for presents, I got laundry detergent which I asked for and a cocoanut. Let me tell you that it was major source of entertainment. It said it was Easy Open, but it lied! I poked a hole in it and drained all the milk but I couldn't crack it open for the life of me. So I took it outside and threw it on the ground as hard as I could with everyone from the little party watching, it smashed into a million pieces. So cool!!!!! I saved two large pieces to make a cocoanut bra for Sunday. I'm going to make a "DA BEARS" shirt and find a brass skirt so every time the Bears score a touchdown I can do the DA BEARS dance from the SNL skit. It's going to be amazing...I'm having a little superbowl party in my room.

Went to band and was bored out of my mind, so we t-boners ended up texting each other even though we were sitting next to one another. Waste of money, lol. So after band, four out of the six of us (oh, yes, the other girl dropped so I am yet again the only girl--sahweet!) went to Baker's Square to celebrate. Dan's birthday was the day before mine so it was a double whammy. We spent over an hour there...I feel like I really got to know them, and that makes me so very happy. Oh, and our grad student bought my brownie a la mode because he is fantastic. :) The best part of the Bakers Square event was that Gabe looked at me and said, "You look like a grown up now. I think it's your hair or something." Somehow that was a little liberating.

Thank you, everyone! I got a lot of facebook messages, texts, phone calls, cards. I didn't even remember Mom and Rachel had called me until I checked my phone log later. Seriously, guys--pick a new time! 7:00 is really early.

In other news, Kristen Osburn is coming up for the weekend and Cathy Yu is thinking coming now, too. The birthday festivities will be spilling into this weekend, which is cool. I talked to Jessie and she said that we should go to Ireland in the somewhat future (that is one of her best ideas I've heard in a long time ;). Dad and Patty are coming up Saturday night to feed my face. Exciting.

And if you're wondering why I am updating so late, it's because my sleep schedule is messed up. If I go to bed now, I will just lay there so instead I am being productive. Like right now for instance, I am informing all of you of birthday activites and soon I will be going to the bathroom to tape things up in the stall to make them look nicer. Yep. Our stalls are bleh--it's a girls' bathroom, it should be cooler than it is.

<3

"I heard the news today. Oh, boy."

I couldn't sleep so I got online to check my email, amongst other things.

Facebook is amazing because everyone knows my birthday and I don't have to say anything. It's nice that it's only 2:08am and I've had more than ten "Happy Birthdays" already. Makes the head swell a little. Oh, and Brian--did you notice that you said "Happy Birthday" right at midnight? That was a little weird.

I have received two e-cards via email. I felt special. Here is me bragging. XD One of them was from Marlisa and then there was an anonymous one that had the Beatles singing their birthday medley; I was impressed that someone remembered I like the Beatles so very much. It said,

"For the birthday girl on her special day
Her smile is a blessing in each and every way
She gives the most amazing hugs
And she is a little scared of bugs
But I still love her because she laughs
At every little thing she can

Love, Anonymous."

Pretty sweet, yes? Yes. This is an excellent way to start off the day. Go happiness. Yeah!

"Sarah...you're such a bad influence!"

Well, maybe.

I just thought I should let you all know that I am no longer going to Ireland. I am a little upset still, but I will get over it.

On a plus side, I was really glad I got to see the family when I went home. Bobby is way cooler than we give him credit for. :) I hung out and watched TV with him Friday. On Saturday, Mom and Len took us to Chesapeake and the food was amazing!

I got into a slight altercation with a certain boy while I was home. Let's just say that our friendship will never be the same, and I don't know if you'll be seeing him around the house much when I come home. I don't like it when people jerk me around on their emotional rollercoaster. I am a good girl, I don't deserve it.

That's all I've got for now. Have a good night.

"I would do anything for love..."

So I was listening to Meatloaf, so what? I did a Meatloaf impression last weekend in Ashley's room in front of a group of my friends. It was pathetic. I let my hair down, shoved a pillow up my shirt and started to sing...the unfortunate part was that I didn't remember half the words to the song. But I was the party favorite. I think people like that I can make a fool of myself and not give a lick.

I got to sleep in today, ate a very tasty salad at McAlister's, had a very stimulating conversation with a girl from Encounter, not to mention I look cute today. I'm kind of sad because I don't really have time to work out before I go, but I'm hoping I will go for a jog tomorrow morning or early afternoon. Did I mention that I've worked out every day this week? I feel better already. Ashley and I would like to lose ten pounds by the time we go to Ireland. Anyway, today is going very well. And I'll be home in approximately three hours. I seriously can't believe what a good mood I am.

Today is Jessie Elmore's birthday. She is 21. Thought I would put that out there. That must be amazing to have your 21st birthday on a weekend. Mine will be on Thirsty Thursday. *shrug*

I really don't have anything else for you today. I hope all of you are having a fantastic day, and if you're not, have faith that it will get better. Life is too short to not be happy, to hold a grudge, to be bitter. Adieu.

"Hello, hello, hello!"

I am watching TV right now...I'm on duty so I can't leave the dorm. Which means I'm eating EZ Mac in my room while working on some door decs for next month.

We had an incident earlier because of the Bears game. Oh, yeah--for all of those you don't know, THE BEARS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I'm on duty that night, too. It's going to be a blast--not.

I will be home this weekend, and I haven't gotten my tickets yet, so I will let you know what time I will be back.

That's all I have for you. Sorry, it's a whimpy entry.

"I used the stick because I couldn't reach him."

So my room was covered in girls to watch Grey's Anatomy. I was pretty damn excited. We had bonding time. :)

My week is going well. Yesterday I was feeling a little down in the dumps, but today was a heck of a lot better. I felt a little uplifted, like something was pushing me along telling me everything was okay dokay. I like those days. A lot.

Today I was walking back from class with a friend, and I was kinda whining about how I didn't feel good and I was tired and things of those nature. I called myself on it, too. I didn't sound grumpy or tired or sick. Why do I always sound so perky? It's disgusting. I've noticed it has been getting worse...and not only that but I am becoming more and more a space cadet. I will trail off mid-sentence then forget what I was talking about. I will walk past a person who says HI and it won't even register until I have walked five feet past them. I get very easily distracted by the TV or a song--I will be dressing and completely forget what I was doing because Will Ferrell pops onto Comedy Central or an '80s song pops up on my playlist and I will start to dance around the room. It's distracting--I feel like I should diagnose myself with ADD but I know that that would be an incorrect diagnoses. And I will get too excited about what I am talking about and it all comes out as word vomit. A large garbled mess. And I get confused when more than one person is trying to talk to me...I'll forget what I am trying to say. The worst one is when I will trail off into my own world, the conversation will be changed to something else completely, and I will jump in where I left off as though my topic of conversation hadn't been dropped.

I am a loser, lol. I blame on it being my last two weeks of teenager awkwardness. Can you believe I am almost 20? I can't. It doesn't feel like it's been that long. Me...a whole two decades. I wanted to request of the weekend of Feb. 2-4 but everyone and their mom (i.e. about four other RAs) requested that weekend off, so instead I will be coming home Jan.26-28. This way I get to see Rachel one last time before she becomes a legal adult. And Jessie, I want to apologize that I won't be able to be home for your birthday. It's our spring break...and I'll be in Ireland. But I really would like to be there and meet Will. I'm sorry. :/

Mon.
9:00-9:50 Weather
12:00-1:15 Economic Reasoning Using Statistical Reasoning

Tues.
9:35-10:50 Literary Narrative
11:00-12:15 Human Sexuality
2:00-3:15 Educational Psychology
3:30-5:00 RA Meeting

Wed.
9:00-9:50 Weather
12:00-1:15 Economic Reasoning Using Statistical Reasoning
7:00-9:25 U Band

Thurs.
11:00-12:15 Human Sexuality
2:00-3:15 Educational Psychology
3:30-5:00 In-service Meeting

Fri.
9:00-9:50 Weather
11:00-12:15 Literary Narrative

Sweet schedule, right? I am excited. I dropped choir because I am just not enjoying it anymore. My director is nice but not very challenging, and I don't have the gumption, time, or correct major to do the more advanced choirs. It's okay. It's not like I don't sing in the shower and when we're dancing around the room. Haha.

This entry is way longer than I originally intended, so now I am going to bed! Have a good one, folks.

"The power to be, the power to give, the power to see..."

Her face is a map of the world, is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl, she's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
People who surround her feel the benifit of it, it makes you calm
She'll hold you captivated in her palm.

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me
Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walkin' the world, like walkin' the world
And you can hear she's a beautiful girl, she's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're tryin' to remember what you heard
She likes to leave you hangin on a word

She's taller than most and she's lookin' at me
I can see her eyes lookin' from a page in a magazine
She makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big, strong tower
The power to be, the power to give, the power to see

Why does this song make me feel so much better?

I new obsession is Kiefer Sutherland. Ow Ow Ow!!!!!

"I'm tired of boys wanting me only for my body..."

"...and I'm tired of boys not wanting me because of my body." This was said during a conversation with Ashley last night. And I don't think either one of us stopped laughing for about five minutes.

I'm sorry that I haven't really updated. I am sure all of you want to hear about my riveting week of RA training...but let's face it--it wasn't all that exciting. I did make a hell of a lot of new friends, which is fantastic. I have been very busy, that's for sure. After group training, we'd have training with just our part of campus and our dorm. I was one of three newbies for Walker Hall, one of five from central campus (Walker and Dunn-Barton), one of about thirty from the whole campus. Mallory and Scott are both new RAs over in Watterson. Oh, yeah, and my buddy Frannie was on rounds and they had a pot bust over at Southside, haha.

My weekend has consisted of sleeping in and working on decorations for my floor. I got the door decs done on Thursday, and I finished two of my three bulletin boards yesterday then started my third. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to put up on my last board. I think it's just going to be an activity calender for the rest of January. Oh, and Anna came over last night and helped me color the floor meeting signs (first on is on Wednesday night!).

And I send out a thank you to all of you who have been calling me. I appreciate it! :)

"Oh, my virgin ears!"

Says the boy with the sailor's mouth. Just because a curse word slips every now and then does not make me a devilish fiend with no morals. :) But I think he knows that. Mom says that I've lost my manners since I've gone to school. Is that because I am uncouth or I have become more comfortable with my belching and cursing? Just because I am not prim and proper like it's tea and crumpet time does not necessarily mean that I am without manners. Does it?

Tonight was my last night at SnS until May. Although I was a little saddened upon arrival, I soon realized that I won't be missing the fountain (which is where they stuck me yet again tonight). My arm has been aching a little too much lately. I think this is mainly due to the whole ice cream scooping. Meh.

I've been kind of grouchy the past few days, so I apologize if you've met with any of my unjustified wrath. I honestly don't want to go back this week...I kind of want to wait until everyone else comes back instead of being one of four girls in our entire dorm. This whole experience is going to be...different. Wow, could I say a more ridiculously obvious statement? Haha. I hope everything works out. I'm actually rather nervous. But I figure that I usually am when I start a new job but then I get comfortable with my surroundings and everything is well in the land of Sarah.

In other news, I will be 20 in 24 days. No longer a teenager, thank you very much. It is so scary. Because I won't be able to hide behind the fact that I am a teenager when I do something irresponsible or immature. Because I am only one year away from being legally able to drink. Because I am one step closer to my life on my own as adult (i.e. paying my own rent and holding a teaching position). OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Can you imagine me in front of class of high schoolers trying to explain to them who John Calvin was or explain the society of the Cold War Soviet Union? It is difficult for me to picture, but I know that I'll be doing it. It won't be too long now either... I am almost 20!