"I wonder if you're listening, picking up on the signals sent back from within."

Neon pink hair. Nose ring. Black-framed glasses. Tattoos. An electric guitar. A dark stage. Singing a ballad to a silent crowd with a single spotlight. Then the lights come up and the band rocks out the remainder of the song. I sing lead.

No joke. Amazing. I sometimes wish I had to be as outrageous as I feel. I admire those women who wear themselves so loudly on the outside so everyone can see who they are. But at the same time, no one can be a rocker forever, right?

My dream: ^^^^ I want to be a rockstar. It's corny and clique. It's true. Don't you want to be a rockstar?

For now, I listen to my music on my headphones because my roommate doesn't dig the rock. I jump around my room to angry music when she's not here. A tear will silently slide down my cheek for a ballad.



I hear that you spend the first half of your life trying to fit in and the other half regretting not doing things differently. Why should you become a clone while trying to fit in when people should love you and want you the way you are? You should accept my occasional crying spout, my spontaneity, my want for chick flicks, my adoration of older professors, my heighth, weight, brown eyes and brown hair, my love of dogs, my ridiculously loud laugh, my love of SnS, my addiction to colored tennis shoes.

I just want to be goofy-ass Sarah Mae Lewis. Whether she has pink hair and tattoos doesn't really matter, does it? Why should it be so outlandish to want that?



Don't tell me that I can't be myself. You'd hurt me if you said you didn't like my crazy, talkative, know-everyone self. You'd hurt me if you said that this pink hair, tattooed, pierced girl with the electric guitar and rock band was not the girl for you. She goes along with the girl that goes to church, wears sweaters, and sleeps with her stuffed dog Spot. She is one and the same. If you can't accept that, then I bid you adieu.

To every broken heart in here
Love was once a part, but now it's disappeared
She told me that it's all a part of the choices that your making
Even when you think you're right
You have to give to take

But there's still tomorrow
Forget the sorrow
And I can be on the last train home
Watch it pass the day
As it fades away
No more time to care
No more time, today

But we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love

"Like a school kid waiting for the spring..."

Come on, who else adores Love Actually? It's one amazing movie. Especially if you're a girl and love chick flicks. I came back to the room tonight after a late choir rehearsal and it was on.

Mallory said maybe five words to me last night and hasn't spoken to me since. I'm not sure how to take this. I can't believe that she hates me enough to give me the silent treatment.

I will be extremely busy until the end of the semester. I only have two weeks and then finals week...my last final is Dec. 14 so I'll be home that Friday (I think). I'm picking up a couple of extra shifts, too, which will be great for the Christmas shopping. :)

I had a fantastic break. Really. I think a large part of that was due to the fact that Ryan was staying with Mom and Rachel. Oh, and we really wanted to call Andrew one night after a few margaritas but we didn't have his number, lol.

Anyway, not much else to tell. So everyone, have a good day. Later.

I had meatloaf today for dinner. It was delicious and it made me think of Grandma Ev.

That is all.

"It's gonna blow!"

So I was trying to be productive today...and got a little ambitious, so I went downstairs to check the vacuum, which was defective. Or it hated me, either way. It didn't pick anything up off the floor. It was gross. And then the bag started to get bigger and I thought it was going to explode. Someone came over across the hall to check it out and we decided that I should return it to the front desk before it blew up all over my room. I had eight things to do on my "to do" list, and I've accomplished five. I am proud of my usually-lazy-self.

Since I told her I was moving out, Mallory has quit talking to me completely. I feel like an idiot when I talk to her. I know she hates, but I still want to be her friend, so what do I do? I have a conversation with her, minus her participation. I tell her an anecdote or tell her classes went well or blahblah. I always ask how her classes went or her tests or something equally boring and I all I get is a "fine." But hey, at least she's giving me that much. It's awkward with all the rest of my friends--they're really not sure how to respond to the fact that she acts as if I am not there. But I think everyone is getting used to it. The only noise in the room anymore is my music, her TV, or me chattering through a one-sided convo. It's actually kind of amusing if you think about it.

I am done with band class completely. Last night, two composers came in and answered any questions we had. Both were very intelligent and funny men...gotta love those music geeks. Jack Stamp kind of got up on a soap box about how we should keep music going because it has such a large impact on humanity. I'm not saying that I don't agree with him; it's just very amusing to me that a famous fanfair composer was standing in front of ISU's dinky little university band, mainly comprised of freshmen, and was harping about how important music is to the world.

I am done with classes tomorrow at 12:50 for break, but I can't go home until after work Saturday night on the 7:29 train. I hate getting home that late. Then I think I'm working at SnS Sunday night. I know I'll be working just about every day except for Thanksgiving. I'm trying to get on the lunch shift so my sleep schedule isn't messed up and I can see everyone after I get off work. :)

I got the final dl on my interview to be an RA. Since I qualify to be an RA next semester, I have both my group and individual interviews on December 1. I can't tell you how excited about this I am. A position is opening up for Colby 1 & 2, and that would be perfect because I wouldn't even moving very far.

Did I tell you excited I am about Thanksgiving break???

"Ain't no mountain high, ain't no valley low..."

My favorite song. And it's cheering me up this very moment.

Busy, busy, busy. I got this random phonecall from Jessie tonight...and since it caught me off guard, I laughed a little. You know what else I laughed about? We were at Encounter tonight and the whole row of people behind us was tone-deaf. Oh, Lordie. I was laughing because they obviously couldn't sing but they did it very loudly, and well, it made me happy that even know they probably knew they couldn't sing, they sang with all their hearts anyway, not really caring what the people in front of them (Andrew and myself) thought. I love it when people don't care what others think--it's fabulous.

I feel bipolar saying this, but I was sad tonight when I sat down to my desk to do some homework. My last few entries have been so happy and optimistic, and now I feel saddened and slightly drained. First of all, I miss Max. When I went home Friday, Chewy seemed so depressed, and I wanted Max to come back into my room to check on me like he always used to do. And second of all, I miss my roommate. She's here but she's not here. She isn't the person I loved last year, and I want to cry for her. I'm not sure what to do, but I don't think moving out will help her-it will only help me. You guys should see the two of us in our room. I sit looking at her while she keeps her back to me, trying to engage her in conversation. She'll give me one word answers until she gets tired of it then she'll just quit answering me. I love her, she used to be one of my best friends, but now she has put up these huge wall around her and it is very tres forte.

Happy November 15. Today is Dad's birthday, and he really is getting up there.

"Geeze, it's like we're back in high school!"

So my weekend was fantastic. I haven't had time to upload pictures or anything, but I will make sure to do it in the next couple of days. The ball was fabulous, the concerts went well.

I was so busy I missed all the drama happening on the 4th floor. I feel bad for one friend in particular. Too much drama. So I'm trying to be a good pal and burning her a crazy emo/angry music CD. I love how angry music lets you vent out some of your hostility.

Just homework and papers this week. Nothing major. But I found out that I do have to work at BK Saturday 10-6. Boo.....................It's a good thing I don't have to work at SnS until Sunday night. And break if looking like work and needed appointments (dentist, orthodontist, maybe a dr's check-up...and possibly a hair appointment). Oh, yeah, I have go to the Abraham Linolcn Library and Museum to get some extra credit for my history class. And Thanksgiving, lol. Oh, Thanksgiving. I've decided I'm bringing my own apple pie to dinner because there is always pecan and pumpkin and I hate both of them.

Anyway, hope everyone has a fabulous day. Later, kiddies.

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete everybody will respect you."

Lao-Tzu

So it's been a week. I bet you've been anxiously awaiting my next entry. And I'm sorry to say that it won't be riveting. :)

I've started to believe in fate more. I never really did before but now I'm starting to see that things happen for a reason. There always seem to be two very defined choices while making a decision, then your life heads in the direction of your choices. At each decision, you have two options. It's a network of decisions. So really you could have several different lives depending on what choices you make.

I feel like I've had puzzle pieces of my future a little spread out, and now they seem to be coming into place. At least the next three years of my life--thereabouts. I know what classes I'll be taking, where I'll be working. Knowing that makes me feel so much confident about what I am doing. I feel like I have a better focus on what's laying ahead.

And I'm happy. I am just happy in general. That makes the world a more beautiful place, and I feel better about everything, including myself.

Today was absolutely gorgeous. I was thrilled to able to walk around in my T-shirt without being cold. I wish I had a portable rake to put the leaves in a pile so I could jump into them and get pieces of leaf stuck in my hair and my clothes. Everyone was out on the quad playing frisbee or football or reading under a tree or just laying the grass trying to get a nap in between classes.

The rest of school before Thanksgiving break will be pretty hectic. I'll be home tomorrow night to do some laundry and celebrate Dad's birthday since I won't be home next week. I'll get back around 9:30 Saturday morning, work from 3-7, then rush through getting ready for Fall Ball. I'm a little sad that I won't be able to see Rachel's IMEA concert, but she knows that. And Sunday I have both a band and choir concert. Dad, Patty, and Rach plan on coming to the choir concert later on and then having some supper. It should be fun. :) Next week I have a couple of tests and do some homework that's due after break because we all know that I won't want to do it over break. I'll be back at Steak 'n Shake on Nov. 19, which is a private opening for some VIP (says the GM). I'm excited that Uncle Ron, Aunt Susan, and Ryan are coming!

Mom, have fun in St. Louis!

"Whoa, multi-tasker..."

On the phone, texting, IMing, blogging, eating some leftover Halloween candy, scratching my itchy legs, playing some solitaire, listening to my music. All while trying not to wake Mal up. :)

I'll upload some more pictures tomorrow when I can actually have the lights on.

I ran out of lotion and I don't think my legs have ever been this freaking itchy in my life. Driving me nuts. Scratching should be a full time job.

I slept through my first class, and when I woke up, I cried a little. You can only miss a couple of classes then your grade lowers after that. My effing alarm didn't go off. Other than that, my day went alright. Tonight Gabe and I dressed up in our costumes for band. He was a zookeeper...it was very amusing. He used his binoculars throughout class to check out the conductor--I think it weirded the conductor out a little.

Anywho. I'm very busy until Thanksgiving break (it starts Nov. 18).

I'm not sure when I'm going home or how the work schedule with play out. I'm calling them (SnS) tomorrow to see about the schedule. I don't even know if the new building will be done by then, but I do know that my regular manager that I worked for over the summer no longer works there. It's a bummer. Oh, and BK is alright. I really do like the people I work with, and they told me I could pick up some more shifts next semester--they like me. :D Apparently, I'm a good worker. But you know, I could have told you that.

This weekend I'm taking the Basic Skills test that all education majors have to take. It's kind of like the ACT--extremely long, boring test. That and work will eat up my whole Saturday. Next weekend I am going home for Friday to pick stuff up for the Fall Ball (Encounter's prom-type activity) which is that Saturday right after work. I think I might have a date but I'm not sure yet. I feel bad because I won't be able to eat with him beforehand, so he'll pick me up and we'll go straight to the dance. I feel like a high schooler...and I'm almost 20. And damn, do I feel old saying that.

Beyond that I have a few tests and few important papers. I'm just excited for break. This semester has FLOWN by. And if makes anyone happy to know: I will be student teaching in the Springfield area my eighth semester, which is only two years away. Holy crap, I'm turning into an adult!

"I'm not going to lie--that was a pretty sweet costume."

So obviously I haven't been much up to updating. And things seem to get more and more hectic every time I take a breather.

Today was an excellent day.
-I had a fantastic shower.
-The weather was spectacular.
-I got a lot of compliments in choir today for the soli and a lot of "I wish I could sing that low"s.
-I had a free meal at Olive Garden.
-I had a few good phone conversations as well.
Just fantabulous.

I posted a heck of a lot of photos on Yafro, so enjoy. I also posted a couple of movies--you can check them out on my photobucket.

Hope everyone is having as great week as I am (even though it only just began). :)


PS I registered from next semester classes.

Weather MWF 9-9:50
Economic Reasoning Using Statistics MW 12-1:15
Choir MW 4-5:15
Band W 7-9:25
Literary Narrative T 9:35-10:50, F 11-12:15
Human Sexuality TR 11-12:15
Educational Psychology TR 2-3:15

Another 17 hours. w00t.

"I'm fulfilling a promise..."

And then there was silence because I had started to sob. I made Patty promise to call me if Max died...and he did today. He was outside with Chewy all day, and Patty saw him when she came home.

Oh, my poor Maxwell. It's like losing a member of my immediate family.

I was downstairs eating dinner and burst into tears; needless to say, I excused myself and am now crying in my room. I have to go to band in a little bit, and I really don't want to now.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

There was an unexpected face in the Enounter crowd, and it made me smile. I hadn't seen him since maybe the first week of this semester. We had a good chat.

My first day at Burger King was good. Everyone was really nice and answered all my questions.

My week is going good. I'm just very happy it's going so well.

We got invited to a costume party on Friday...and I'm waaaaay excited. It's going to be good.

"Hey, cupcake."

I wanna swim away but don't know how
Somtimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up, take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion
Let the rain of what I feel right now
Come down, let the rain come down

Lately, I have been very into Blue October. I have their last CD...can you believe I actually cried when I saw the music video for "Hate Me"? And "Into the Ocean" is kind of a downer if you read the lyrics, but it has such a happy melody. Oh, the irony.

I think I've been extra emotional lately. A lot of minor things will set me into a rainfall of tears. Nothing major. An episode of Full House, a song. My friend Katie just told me she missed me (she went to ISU last year and now goes to Loyola), which made me cry. Ashley and I spent most of the day together, which made me happy and a little tear-eyed. When Kaylin picked up the phone when I called Bobby...I miss her.

I'm very glad I went home, even if it only was for one day. I had an excellent time...I needed to see my kids from home. I didn't get to see everyone, but that's okay. Sometimes you just need your girls (or boys).

This week is so much calmer. I turned in my last paper, and I only have one test this week. Tonight I caught up on the TV I missed last week. Mallory taped over the finale of Project Runway, but I'll just catch it later. Ashley and I are putting together our Halloween costumes. Does anyone remember watching Legends of the Hidden Temple on Nickolodeon? Yeah, we're dressing up like that--we're green monkeys (for one night). We're going to pirates another night and '80s girlies another night. Halloween weekend this year is Thursday through Tuesday. Yikes!!! I think we'll be going out maybe two nights and then Halloween (Rocky Horror Picture Show at midnight!). I'll make sure to take plenty of pictures.


Jessie, you should call Rachel and talk to her (she would kill you if you asked on myspace so just call her).

Oh, and I forgot to mention that someone suggested me to the WOW committee for Passages weekend. It's the committee that plans out the entire weekend for the freshmen, which is actually kind of cool. I still have to submit an application, so we'll start there.

Did I mention I got a part in the alto soli for the choir concert?

Yeah, this week is definitely looking up. :D

"Hello?" "Hello?"

I love that I play the hello game. You say hello then the other person says hello then you say hello again. It's pretending to see who can go on the longest or something.

I am so slap-happy right now. I think it's mainly due to the fact that it's almost 2:30 in the morning and I'm just winding down to go to bed. I've been studying for this geography test (hey, Jessie, look--I can really spell), and I feel like I am going to ace this thing. You know why? Because it's almost all European history. This thing is going to be so easy. I was studying with some girls from my floor and one of them asked me how I knew what year the Berlin Wall was torn down. Thought it was common knowledge? *shrug* And I love how we talk about supernationalism and the rise of Muslim in Europe. You know why I love that? Because, my dears, that's exactly what I am learning about in my history of the Middle East class. Hooray for everything being so connected.

And to reiterate what Jessie said in her blog, I am extremely glad that I have such good friends and family. And I love that I can blog and my sisters and mother can read it. Bobby called me tonight just to chat, and that made me one happy camper. Random calls for no reason make me very appreciative. :) I will mention yet again that I am uber excited about coming home for this weekend...and so is Ashley.

I will write to thee later by another moonlit sky (in at least 24 hours' time). Look how the yellow'd leaves tremble in the tempermental wind.
The streetlights twinkle below.
I can see Papa John's shinin' up a storm a block away.

Good night, m'darlings.

"I've never been so lost. I've never felt so much at home."

The stress factor is good. Not a lot of it. I do have a test tomorrow in geogprahy, then I have a meeting with my academic advisor to take a crack at my four-year plan (funny how I'm already three semesters in and I'm just now planning). I'm supposed to hang out with Stephanie tomorrow to watch Gone With the Wind, but I think I'll end up being at the library all day working on this paper that's due Friday. Wish me luck, folks.

I just got an email saying that Passages (the freshmen's first weekend on campus before classes started) pictures are up. I'm only in a few, which makes me kind of sad...but it happens. Here's the link in case anyone is interested.

http://www.passages.ilstu.edu/images/Passages_2006_Photos/index.htm

You guys have no idea how excited I am about coming to the weiner roast this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jessie, are you coming home?

"Sawah."

That's what Stephanie calls me in her Stephanie way. I've spent more time with her recently, and I'm glad. I miss having her for a roommate. How can two people so much alike and different at the same time? God only knows.

It's past 1:30 in the morning, and I'm taking a study break from geology. I haven't been this stressed in a while. I have my last midterm tomorrow, which is good, but that means it's midterm paper time. I have three due next week. Good riddance. I only have so much writing creativity. Forgive me if I don't write much for this week...I have to save my mojo for the grades. Ick.

Rachel is coming up Saturday morning. I talked to her tonight...she wants me to go to this Papa Roach concert the day after Thanksgiving. And as much as I would love to see some really smelly, sweaty mulleted men standing around listening to their angry white man music (I actually do like Papa Roach), I will be back at good old SnS making some mulah. Speaking of money, I got a job at Burger King. Tuesdays and Saturdays. I don't know how this is going to work next weekend with the weiner roast (I have orientation tomorrow, I will make sure to ask).

Other than that, I don't have much else. I'm just plain ol' tired. And I honestly don't care if I do well on this test tomorrow since he drops our lowest test grade. So there! Oh....and I have a meeting with my academic advisor (FINALLY) to talk about my minor and schedule out the rest of my schooling here at ISU.

Exciting stuff, right?

"Sweet deal."

My new phrase that I never should have started saying because now I can't stop myself.

Corrie's right. Most people write about their day-to-day events that might seem trivial to some and juicy to others. Well, let's add some meaning to this blog. Liven it up a little.

The question is how much have I changed since graduation.

I love a lot harder...but I let go more easily. I have become way more attached to my family than I ever thought possible. Even though I don't agree with everything they say or do, there isn't anything that could make me stop loving them. Blood is much thicker than water.

I'm more patient. I take more time to do things now. Thank you, Sears Portrait Studio. I think this trait will do me well when I start to teach.

I am much more content to be an onlooker instead of always being the one looked upon. I still do love being the center of attention on a rare occasion, but I think that I enjoy watching other people being spotted more.

I've learned to be quiet. That was hard before and I don't know why. Not everything has to be a melodrama. Not everything I say has to be hysterical. I can just sit in my room and think, no noise necessary.

Music isn't my absolute passion right now. I still love it dearly, but it isn't my core being at the moment. I am just enjoying the extra time to relax and become more comfortable in my own skin.

I don't like talking on the phone as much as I used to...and I don't call as many people as I used to. Instead I email or blog. But I certainly don't deny calls. I even accept them after 2:00am if necessary.

Things that haven't changed...

I still love all my friends dearly, even if I don't talk to them as often as I should. That doesn't mean that I don't think about them and want to be near them, be there for them when they needed a shoulder to cry on.

I'm still tall and chunky. Still squishy around the middle and still give great hugs. My hair color has changed from time to time, but I still look like a Spengler.

I have always been a picture whore. This we can't deny. I probably asked Mom to take my picture a lot when we were little. Now I'm taking them myself.

I believe that things work out for a reason. Maybe you can call that fate, I don't know. Everything has a purpose, whether we know it or not.


Folks, have a glorious evening...I will talk to you later.

Oh, and one thing I love about coming home. I love waking up and knowing Dad and Patty are across the hall or Mom is just downstairs. I feel more secure in my beds at home than anywhere else.

"Wow, you look perky..."

It's true. Today was good.

I talked to Wheaton for a while, and that was good, too. Not much else to report...I'll put some more pictures up pretty soon.


--EDIT 10:12PM--
Photos have been uploaded to Yafro. If you don't know what Yafro is, just click the pictures link on the side of this page.

Enjoy!!!

I thought you guys would appreciate this.  

"What does it mean now?"

It's a World Party song, and I would show you come lyrics but I can't find them online.

Today Stephanie went out on the quad to the breast cancer bus. We bought some pink bracelets and were a little too late for the free T-shirts. Oh, and we also bought some raffle tickets for the new music sorority they're trying to set up. Wouldn't that be fun to join??? You don't have to be a music major/minor, and I would be with a lot of people that would care as passionately as I do for music. Or maybe not. I hate sororities with a violent dislike. Ick.

I talked to Kristen and Bekki last night and Corrie today. I am just the regular conversationalist. I miss talking to my Lunch Buddies from home. And I think this weekend will be fun because Jessie is coming home (mad props for the updates, guys!). I had no idea who was getting married until I saw some comments on Jessie's myspace (and wow, do I feel like a stalker). Mom, I'll burn you a CD of pictures. :)

Now for the crappy part of my day, homework. Booo!!!

Oh, and PS I am thoroughly excited to say that I have been a diet the last couple of weeks and I have lost a pants size. AND today is dessert day so I had a piece of cake and it was absolutely delicious. Mmmmm.

"Whomever decided on the weather today must be feeling a little bipolar."

Not much to report, folks. I've been keeping busy all week with homework. I'm going home for the whole weekend this time--Rachel's senior football game is on Friday.

And I am starving. I can't wait for my roommate to get out of class.

"You can't stop the beat!!"

Bekki and I went to Hairspray last night. It was absolutely fantastic. I have to say that I am extremely glad that we went. We got autographs after the show and met the leads.

Friday was the Barn Dance. It was a blast, too. Overall, it was a very good weekend (minus the stress of my Jacob Riis paper that was due today).

I am borrowing a friend's CD--Angels and Airwaves. They sound emo-esque. The second song is definitely along those lines.

The friendships we made, is a waste our time.
There's no one left here, to show a future that's kind.
It's a world of hate, gone incredibly wrong.
We cared to late, we just followed along.

Did anyone else notice the grammatical error? Yep, it's in the paper dealie in the front of the CD. And I'm also confused about what they're trying to convey. All the pictures in the album are of WWII images--fighter planes, empty shells of buildings in London. The songs kind of go along with it, but still...they're emo? I don't get it.

Anyway, I posted some pictures for you because Yafro hates me with a passion.

"We got mail?! Are you sure...?"

I got two things in the mail today, it was an occasion for great excitement. Dad sent me a note with a picture of Kaylin and Bekki sent me something, too.

And you're asking why I update twice in one day. Why to give you pictures of course. The one with the huge hair is just an example of what it looks like after being blown dry. I threw it in there for good measure. Tell me what you think!

"Why the hell would you do that?"

I was talking to one of my tipsy friends last night, and she rather disturbed that I would dye my hair purple. I figured that since my hair is so dark it would be more a purple tint than an actual purple, which is exactly what happened. Ashley and I decided to do it spur of the moment--hers is now bright red. We'll take some pictures later so you can all see it. Oh, and it's just temporary, so no worries.

Four of my closest friends and myself are now on a diet. We're holding each other accountable...eating together and exercising together. I think we're all pretty excited about it. Except for the cheese thing. No cheese. And no booze because, well, that is just empty calories right there. So maybe I'm not uber excited about it, but if I keep my goal in mind, I think we'll be safe.

Today I have a buttload of homework to do, so I'm going to go take my shower and do my thing. Have a lovely rest of the day, folks.

"You have a sh*itload of mail to go through when you go home."

Lol, I bet you can guess who said that. :)

Mom, Lynn (sp?), and Rachel made it to my concert. I showed them my room afterwards, swiped them drinks, and gave Mom some of the albums I found at the vinyl place. And some Halloween candy. That makes pretty much everyone feel better, right?

I'm waiting for Mallory and Ashley to get back so we can eat and they discuss the goings on of Oswego this weekend.

I talked to Patty shortly after Mom left, and she told that Jeff and Elsa (Kathy and Mike's son and his now-legal Mexican wife) are finally having their wedding reception this Saturday. Since the Barn Dance is Friday, I am going home Saurday morning for the reception then coming back Sunday morning because Bekki bought us Hairspray tickets.

Mom, if you want to have the weiner roast the weekend before Halloween, go for it.

Looks like October will be a month of several home visits.

"Strike!"

So I'm not as bad at bowling as I once was. Oh, yeah! Since Mallory and Ashley went home for the weekend, I was left to my own vices. Last night Heather and I had dinner and rented some movies after some major window shopping over in Campustown. Today we did some real shopping at the vinyl store next to the movie rental place. My first time in there...and I was impressed with all the records going for one dollar. Let's just say we spent a lot of time in there and a little bit of cash. My pal Marlisa and I went to Wal*Mart today to get some things for the Barn Dance on Friday. I finally got some boots and a few accesories for my cowgirl get-up. The ultimate deal is the red straw cowgirl hat. Yes, folks, one dollar. I was very excited indeed. Got some red dye for my Halloween outfit (I will be attempting Lucille Ball, for those of you who weren't aware). Oh, yes, and we now have a Superman container filled with Halloween candy. Our room is starting to look rather festive.

On a less chipper note, I spoke to Rachel today who told me Mom is "sicker than a dog." That sucks! I hope you feel better soon. I'm kind of sad that Mom probably won't make it. Dad wants to be in the fields tomorrow, too. So it looks like it's just Rachel. But you know what? She might be coming up here all by herself...and somehow that kind of makes up for it. She will drive for an hour to see me sing two songs that will sound like crap then drive another hour back. It means she loves me. And I love her. It's funny how something so little can mean so much.

Getter better, Mom!


Oh, and does anyone have Uncle Tim's email address? JR and AM don't have it...any other takers?

"Government Mule is the name of a band? How lame!"

Says the old roomie. I got a sample off iTunes, and Gov't Mule just happened to be on there.

Nothing new to report. Ashley and Mallory are home for the weekend, so it's just me in the room. It feels kind of weird. The only other weekend they've been gone I was at home so it didn't really seem like we missed much.

I ate a big bag of puppy chow today...Glenn and I are going to bowl tomorrow and have a movie night. We're trying to round up some more people. Concert on Sunday.

Oh, and enjoy the movie.

"I talked in my sleep?"

I couldn't fall asleep last night...mainly because I had too much on the brain. I was thinking about money mostly, to be honest. I have to say money isn't a top priority of mine, never really has been. I've been a lot more careful with it recently...I hate that I was thinking about it so much. I still haven't heard about the usher position yet, so I'm going to apply to the dining center this week. A job. w00t.

I have two more tests this week and another paper due next Friday in addition to another test next week. Bleh. I'm busy, busy, busy.

"Made in China."

I want to edit a picture of Cathy Yu with that as the caption. Lol.

This is me avoiding my studying for my geology test tomorrow.

I ate too much at dinner and now I feel like a beached whale.

And I am going to be Lucille Ball for Halloween. Exciting, right? It's too bad I don't have a Ricky Ricardo. *shrug* Oh, and I will be coming home Oct. 6-8 for Rachel's football game. Plus it's homecoming weekend, so I figured some of my buddies will be back, too. I guess we'll see.

"Okay. Alright. Okay. Alright."

Song. w00t.

As per Jessie's request, I posted wedding pictures on yafro in addition to several others. I'm so glad I got a camera!!!!!!!! I always update on facebook, but I sometimes neglect yafro and photobucket. I think we're now up-to-date on all three, n'est-pas? Oui.

I woke up at 8:45 when I have class at 9:00. It was a mad dash to put some clothing on and make it to class before attendence was taken. He is such a Nazi about attendence. Geeze, Louise. Did I mention I tired I am so much of the time? I am just worn out. I'll get in bed (always by midnight if not earlier) then I can't fall asleep for what seems like forever. I am kind of disappointed that my old sleeping position doesn't work in this room. In 460, I always put my arm over my face and fell right to it, but in 362, I have to lay on my stomach because the AC goes right up my nose if I don't (the AC is at the end of my bed). I really want to take a nap, but I'm afraid if I nap I won't be able to fall asleep early tonight. Bloody mess, if you ask me.

Now I am off to eat or watch TV or do some homework or something. G'day, folks.

PS I had this dream where Max died one weekend, Aunt Mae died the following weekend, then Grandma died the next week. That would be one of the worst months in the history of Sarah. It was all about the going home and crying and horrible feelings. Sorry to end the blog on an unpleasant note.

"I must get away from the fumes."

Not to be gross or anything but our room has been filled with noxious gas lately. It's disgusting. It's not just 362's inhabitants either. We've had pretty much the regular group in our room every night for the past week or so...and let's just say people are getting waaaaaay too comfortable with themselves. There are some things that should be left outside in the hallway. Geeze.

And now on to my real purpose in writing. I am trying to keep myself well entertained until Mallory finishes with some of her reading. We've been going through a Sex in the City marathon for the past two weeks or so. We're almost done with season three--and we found someone with the entire collection, so you can imagine how much fun we're having. Mondays and Wednesdays I kind of get to blow the homework off--it's extremely nice. I only have one class Tuesdays and Thursdays...even better. Tomorrow, though, will be very productive day (I hope). I want to wake up early to take a shower and get some breakfast, go to my one and only class of the day (not to mention the most boring!), laundry time, lunch with Ashley, study study study! I have a test and a paper due on Friday so I'll be working on that, not to mention the music I have to have memorized for my concert next weekend, and the book I need to start reading for my Middle Eastern history class.

Things aren't that bad really. I am getting used to the workload, so I am also being a little more gungho on the job search. I think I'll make a trip down to the Career Center, and if nothing looks appealing, I'll take a stab at the dining center. It wouldn't be too bad since Stephanie (roommate #2) works there right now along with a couple of other girls I knew from my floor last year. Mallory wants to find a job, but I don't think she would ever consider a dining center job. All I have to say is that there is no way in hell I will ever go back to Sears for seasonal employment. Boo!!!!!!!!!

I also found it rather amusing that all of us talked about Uncle Tim dancing at Aunt Molly's wedding. I guess it was a historical event worth documenting. ;) By the way, thank you for taking me out to lunch on Saturday. I had fun, Mom. I hope you're feeling better! And wow, I haven't felt this blabby in a long time. I never feel like writing anymore because, well, I don't feel like there is anything significant to note. I will say this much, though, I do have a lot of fun whether it's significant or not.

PS The mini-feed on facebook is border-line stalker.

"She says no because you smell."

Dates to remember:
-September 24 2:00 (choir concert)
-November 12 2:00 (band concert) and 5:00 (choir concert)
-December 3 3:00 or 7:00 (Music for the Holidays)

"I feel like a whale..."

We've been eating a lot. The cake I made for Mallory is still sitting here waiting to be eaten. Monday night we went for Thai food right after I got off the train then got some Ben & Jerry's and attempted to eat some cake. We celebrated both Mallory's and our friend Erica's birthday since it was yesterday.

I've been a little on the lacking side where sleep in concerned. I'm trying but between homework and this chick book I started and can't put down, it's hard to make it to bed early. I'm just hoping I don't get sick again. I can without that.

Uncle Mike's (Patty's sister's husband) dad died Sunday night. I don't know when the wake/funeral is, but if it's over the weekend, I think I'll go home for it. I am hoping it isn't, as bad as that sounds. Some of my friends' friends are coming up from Champaign and we're all going to the football game on Saturday and going to do a party later. Plus I was just home...for four nights. It felt weird coming back to school. It was a quasi-break. I'm crossing my fingers that there will be no reason for me to come home until the weiner roast (when is that?). Or maybe Rachel's senior night. That's important to here. Maybe I'll just come down for the game with some of my buddies. We all enjoy a good football game. I hope Jessie's premonition about Aunt Mae is incorrect. *crosses fingers*

I won't narrate the wedding because, well, my most constant readers were there. And for those of you who weren't there, it was fantastic. Best Spengler party in the last ten years. Easily. I will burn you a CD, Mom, but I would like it if I could get copies of your pictures, too. The whole weekend was good. Drank a little too much, but who didn't, man? It was weird seeing the entire family after a few drinks up and groovin' it on the dance floor. Especially Mom trying to shake her groove thing and Uncle Tim doing the Pony. I about peed my pants I was laughing to hard. Gotta love those Spenglers. :)

"Sarah! What the hell were you thinking?!"

Muahaha. Since Mallory's birthday is tomorrow, and I am missing it we decorated her part of the room. It included toilet paper, porn printed off from her computer, and a lot of multi-colored, fun-flavored condoms taped all over the bottom part of the loft. This all for my uber-conservative roommate. :)

I found an emo cover of a song I really like. "I Think It's Going To Rain Today."

Broken windows and empty hallways
A pale dead moon in the sky streaked with gray
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

Scarecrows dressed in the latest styles
With frozen smiles to chase love away
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

Lonely, lonely
Tin can at my feet
Think I'll kick it down the street
That's the way to treat a friend

Bright before me the signs implore me
To help the needy and show them the way
Human kindness is overflowing
And I think it's going to rain today

"Free stuff? WHERE?"

A college kid's dream? A carnival where you can get free food, toys, and T-shirts. Oh, yes.

Me being sick has been like riding a roller coaster. I was getting better then last night I ended up getting an almost migraine and then puking. Every time I get the worst headaches I end up getting sick. Not fair. I am still trying to take it easy and going to bed fairly early. My cough is just gross. Yuck.

Anywho, Mallory and I are currently chilling in the room, listening to the Rent soundtrack, and we decided that Rosario Dawson sounds better than the Mimi on broadway because she lacks the major vibrato.

I got a couple of presents for Mom this week and am thoroughly excited about them. And per her request, I added a few pictures of my hair so you can kind of see it. I'm sorry they aren't great, but you'll all see it within the next few days. I promise it won't look any different.

"You can't marry someone until you can fart in front of them."

Great line.

This weekend was both good and bad. We watched a lot of Sex in the City. My cold won't go away...the conjestion has gotten better but the cough worse. I spent a lot of time in the room because I wasn't in the mood to really go out. Both nights I stayed up later than I should have and got several unwanted phonecalls and texts. I counted the text messages I recieved from Friday night and Saturday night...somewhere around 70. That's a hell of a lot of texts. And to make a long story short, nothing changed. I hate guys sometimes. I have some more homework to finish tonight before I head to bed, so I'm going to get crackin' on that.

Oh, and I'm coming home Thursday night. Thursday through Sunday. Mom, I don't need a ride, but thanks for the offer. :) Have a delightful evening, kiddies.

"Hey, love, I'm not leaving here."

Listening to the Dog & Everything. I went to one of their shows last year--not too shabby.

I've started to feel much better since my last depressing entry. Things have been going all right. Today was amazing because I only had one class, had lunch with a buttload of people I hadn't seen in forever, and I managed to highlight my hair. Although some people (i.e. Mom) probably won't like it, I do. So it's all good. On a rather dispicable note, I paid over $600 for my books this semester. Ouch, ouch, ouch!!!!

Last night we (Scott, Mallory, Ashley, Erica, and I) went to a Mexican Fiesta, which consisted of a lot of people from our church group in a tiny apartment with a lot of Mexican food. We had a lot of fun and even pooped out early to go home and watch some Sex and the City before hitting the hay. I think Mal is going to be an excellent influence on my sleeping habits. I've managed to get some 8ish hours a night of sleep. Go us, right? Tonight, we're going to church--actually, we leave in about fifteen minutes. It'll be the first time I've been to church since the last time I went to Encounter back in the beginning of May. Exciting, eh?

On a side note, I am ecstatic about the freshmen buddies I have made in the past week. Working Passages was a really good idea. I see the froshies all across campus. Quite a few girls live on Southside so I seem them a lot. Anyway, I need to go primp. Later, dudes.

"Garrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!"

I want to start this giant mosh pit. Break my nose, bleed a lot, smash my arms and legs against other angry people. Feel some pain. See other people that are angry, too. Only the first week of school. I am already frustrated. I am fed up with one person in particular.

Rachel left earlier and already I miss her. I want to cry I miss her that much. And I am sure my anger is accentuating the fact that I miss my little sister. I wish my best friend could be here all the time. I wish she could just show up whenever the hell she felt like it. But Miss Rachel has her own life now, which only slightly merges with mine. Poor kid. I don't think she realizes how much I love her.

And me listening to emo music and looking through pictures doesn't help. I am tired and frustrated and angry. All I want to do is curl up in a ball and wonder what my chemical imbalance is. No, emo. Bad, emo! I wish I had Billie up here so I could go drive around for a while. Or a Bekki to talk to. I miss her, too. I hate bad days.

Oh, yeah, and to top it all off, I have this humongous red bump on the right shoulder blade. I have no idea if it's a bite or not. It's big. And red. But not itchy or getting any larger. It's gross, that's what it is.

And I miss Max. Not even an hour before I left home I sat down and cried with my Maxwell. My attachment to that dog is very similar to the way I feel about Rachel. He doesn't look good. In fact, he looks miserable. I told him how much I loved him and how much I would miss him. How happy he makes me. How I adore him. I wish he knew what I was talking about. I could tell he knew I was leaving home. He sat and watched me pack.

Well, you can pretty much ignore this whole entry. It's me complaining about being homesick. I'm frustrated and angry, mainly just because I miss being at home. I am almost 20-years-old, and I still miss my sisters, parents, and pets. And my friends. :) I hate it. A whole bunch. I'll be home in two weeks. And I am excited.

God, I feel pathetic.

"I got me a gun and a shovel. Ain't nobody gonna miss you, kid."

I had Taco Bell earlier. Not such a hot idea. Phew.

I am such a hypocrit. I keep wanting everyone else to post so I can know what's going on and yet I haven't really done such a good job of it myself. 'Tis all right, though.

Currently, Rachel is sitting in my beanbag on my floor watching Anastasia. Really good cartoon. Hells yeah. She came to visit me, and I am thoroughly excited. Her train was uber late. Although I think we chose a bad weekend just because of the Big and Rich concert and all the Passages (freshmen orientation) stuff going on this weekend. Orientation has kept me busy and extremely worn out. But fun. I made a lot of friends, and some of the activities weren't too bad. I must say that I skipped the scrimmage, the movie, and the midnight breakfast tonight. Rachel and I were just too tired.

The dorm thing is amazing. I am so excited to be back now. It's wonderful, it's marvelous, it's delirious, it's just...*snuggles with pillow* I'm happy now. :) Not that I wasn't before...it's just different.

Can't wait for AM's wedding, though!

"Why you callin' so late? Is everything okay?"

So, why am I in love with this song? There is not really any significance to the words...and yet everytime it comes on when I'm in the car by myself, I sing it at the top of my lips and want to cry. Weird, you might say. I would probably have to agree. This is and "Looking Through the Glass" by Stone Sour. Oh, well...

This is me taking over Rachel's laptop to check all the going-ons of the neighborhood kiddies because I have given up on calling people. You work 50 hours a week, sleep all day, and see if you want to talk to people who don't make any attempt to contact you all summer. Bleh.

Dad called me a slob because my room looks like a tornado went through it. And the bathroom garbage was slightly overflowed. What else is new, people? Read the afore mentioned statement about working 50 hours a week and sleeping all day. Does face looks like it cares? Not too much.

I have tomorrow off, though I have no idea why. And I will be working late both Monday and Tuesday (my last day). We're throwing a tiny party for my sake. :) Last night Orlandon kept saying how much he was going to miss me. Somehow, the several people who say things like that to me make the really crappy hours and grumpy nights all worth it.

The rest of the week looks busy. A party, perhaps. Friday is the Park concert with Matt. Saturday, Bekki, Wyatt, and I are headed for Belleville to make a party stop at Dallas'. The few days after that will consist of me packing and getting everything ready for school. Aren't we all excited about going back to school? Most of my friends are ready to go back. I know the ISU kids certainly are ready...and so are the few of the Lunch Buddies that I still talk to.

Congratulations on spending your summer in a manner that flew by like no other.

"I love mint shakes."

I worked 47 hours last week. And I had 2 days off. I am the master. I also don't have a life. :) I am having problems with one of the assistant managers. I think we're going to have to have a talk. It started up a couple of weeks ago. I have two weeks left and she's being as big a biznatch as she can. Grrrr.

So yes, two weeks left. Oh, Steak 'n Shake. I will miss thee. I'll be back on holidays, but I'm hoping that Christmas break will be the last of me working there. I think I might have plans for spring break, and hopefully, next summer I will be working on campus. It makes me kind of sad that I have never held a job for more than a summer. Oh, well.

Tonight, Mom, Rachel, and I will be going to O'Charley's for dinner and see LOB's Aida (however that is spelled) out at the Muni. It should be good...I heard it was from a little Corrielynn. Sidenote: I sometimes wonder how Rachel feels about me. Every night I have off I usually hang out with her or call her or something. She almost always wants to do something when I ask, but do you think I'm a little overbearing? When I was still in high school, my group of friends was her group of friends...and now that I'm gone, she's become a little social butterfly. Was I holding her back? I can't help that I love having my little sister for a best friend. She's my Rachel, and I love her. I just hope that I'm not a huge pain in her ass.

Anywho, dates to remember:
Aug. 8--last day of SnS
Aug. 10--Twilight Parade
Aug. 11-13--going-out-of-town bash somewhere in there
Aug. 15--moving into Atkin 362
Aug. 16--training for move-in leaders
Aug. 17-20--passages weekend for the freshman and Rachel visiting
Aug. 31--coming home for Labor Day weekend
Sept. 2--AM's wedding!!!!!

"I'm okay with it if you are."

I'm going to Oswego tomorrow!!! Hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't think you realize just how excited I am right now. *does a little dance*

I have to be at work in a little bit...not particularly happy about it. Last night I went in only to find out I was an extra so Rachel and I went to go see the Benchwarmers which was really funny. Rented Rumor Has It and Red Eye. I liked Rumor Has It. I was slightly disappointed in the end, though. Oh, well. Not all chick flicks end them the way you want them to. Today, I met Kristen and Cathy at Little Saigon. First time I'd ever been there...delicious. Jake happened to be there, and neither one of us made any effort to acknowledge the other. Gotta love those family ties.

That's about it. I update twice in one week, aren't you proud? Oh, yeah, I am moving back in August 15. *happy dance* I don't think I've expressed how much I miss being on campus. I will hug my mattress (as soon as some sheets are put on), and I will hug Mallory so many times she'll think I'm trying to cop a feel. Oh, it'll be great. <3

PS The funniest thing happened last night when Rachel and I came home. I think I embarassed the new boyfriend quite a bit. :D

"Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars..."

You get a cookie if you know where that quote is from.

Luke got fired from SnS last night. Poor kid. He was pissed to say the least.

Today was Grandma's birthday. I treated Aunt Priscilla, Kathy, Rachel, and Grandma to some tastiness at the Pretzel Plaza. Aunt P left a shitty tip so I left a few extra. We drove down to J-ville to visit Grandpa, then proceeded to drive around and look at huge rich-people houses on State St. All the sight-seeing and bad driving made me queasy which worsened when we went to DQ. Ice creams makes me want to throw up. I had hoped this day would not come but obviously it has. Ice cream is sooooooooo gross. I'm getting sick just thinking about it. Icksdbsjfbljms.

I am going to Oswego for Friday night. Ashley's birthday was today, and Mallory is in Beauty and the Beast. My girls! And Bobby earns the title of coolest older brother. He somehow managed to convince Dad and Patty that I really am 19-years-old and need a little time off the farm and away from SnS. I've worked my butt off the past five or six weeks, and since I can't go on vacation with them, this is my little outting. "You've got her on such a tight leash." She doesn't do anything anymore. "That's because you told her she can't go anymore, she can only use the car for work." We never see her anymore. "You encourage her to get all the hours she can get. And apparently, that's until 3:30 in the morning." Hooray for someone to stand up for me. I really hate lying. I've done my fair share of it, and rather badly. Sure there are a few things I just don't bring up, but when asked, I am honest with them. I mean, come on, I will be twenty in less than six months. I'm not the little Sarah Mae who ran around the yard singing operatic-Sarah Italian anymore. They are finally giving me some breathing room here and I owe it all to Bobby. So thank you very much for being a cool older brother, I appreciate it.

I've been hanging out with Mom more, which I love. We tend to watch movies. We watched An Unfinished Life Sunday night...I think it was unanimous--we loved it. A cattle ranch in Wyoming with Robert Redford, Morgan Freeman, AND Josh Lucas? Geeeeeeze. Josh Lucas is gorgeous. And although I didn't originally want to see it because J. Lo is in it, I really liked it. She wasn't that annoying. :)

The Godfather is going slowly. I've lost my original gusto for reading. Right now I am beginning to think Johnny Fontane will be taking over the Don's business. Seems justifiable. He is the Godson afterall. *shrug*

I think that's about it. I won't bore you with work stories, hahaha. Oh, yeah. Two thinks that make me happy? Kristen, Cathy, and I will be eating a late lunch at Little Saigon Thursday afternoon. I talked to Kevin Imhoff on the phone for what seemed like forever tonight--it was good. I miss my kids. Anyway, have a good one, folks.