"You look like a grown up."

I'm sure you all want to hear about my day, right? I went to all three of my classes, took two naps, ate some junky lunch.

I got all purdied up and Ashley surprised me with dinner at our friend Becca's apartment. My Scotty had cooked just about all of it. And for presents, I got laundry detergent which I asked for and a cocoanut. Let me tell you that it was major source of entertainment. It said it was Easy Open, but it lied! I poked a hole in it and drained all the milk but I couldn't crack it open for the life of me. So I took it outside and threw it on the ground as hard as I could with everyone from the little party watching, it smashed into a million pieces. So cool!!!!! I saved two large pieces to make a cocoanut bra for Sunday. I'm going to make a "DA BEARS" shirt and find a brass skirt so every time the Bears score a touchdown I can do the DA BEARS dance from the SNL skit. It's going to be amazing...I'm having a little superbowl party in my room.

Went to band and was bored out of my mind, so we t-boners ended up texting each other even though we were sitting next to one another. Waste of money, lol. So after band, four out of the six of us (oh, yes, the other girl dropped so I am yet again the only girl--sahweet!) went to Baker's Square to celebrate. Dan's birthday was the day before mine so it was a double whammy. We spent over an hour there...I feel like I really got to know them, and that makes me so very happy. Oh, and our grad student bought my brownie a la mode because he is fantastic. :) The best part of the Bakers Square event was that Gabe looked at me and said, "You look like a grown up now. I think it's your hair or something." Somehow that was a little liberating.

Thank you, everyone! I got a lot of facebook messages, texts, phone calls, cards. I didn't even remember Mom and Rachel had called me until I checked my phone log later. Seriously, guys--pick a new time! 7:00 is really early.

In other news, Kristen Osburn is coming up for the weekend and Cathy Yu is thinking coming now, too. The birthday festivities will be spilling into this weekend, which is cool. I talked to Jessie and she said that we should go to Ireland in the somewhat future (that is one of her best ideas I've heard in a long time ;). Dad and Patty are coming up Saturday night to feed my face. Exciting.

And if you're wondering why I am updating so late, it's because my sleep schedule is messed up. If I go to bed now, I will just lay there so instead I am being productive. Like right now for instance, I am informing all of you of birthday activites and soon I will be going to the bathroom to tape things up in the stall to make them look nicer. Yep. Our stalls are bleh--it's a girls' bathroom, it should be cooler than it is.

<3

"I heard the news today. Oh, boy."

I couldn't sleep so I got online to check my email, amongst other things.

Facebook is amazing because everyone knows my birthday and I don't have to say anything. It's nice that it's only 2:08am and I've had more than ten "Happy Birthdays" already. Makes the head swell a little. Oh, and Brian--did you notice that you said "Happy Birthday" right at midnight? That was a little weird.

I have received two e-cards via email. I felt special. Here is me bragging. XD One of them was from Marlisa and then there was an anonymous one that had the Beatles singing their birthday medley; I was impressed that someone remembered I like the Beatles so very much. It said,

"For the birthday girl on her special day
Her smile is a blessing in each and every way
She gives the most amazing hugs
And she is a little scared of bugs
But I still love her because she laughs
At every little thing she can

Love, Anonymous."

Pretty sweet, yes? Yes. This is an excellent way to start off the day. Go happiness. Yeah!

"Sarah...you're such a bad influence!"

Well, maybe.

I just thought I should let you all know that I am no longer going to Ireland. I am a little upset still, but I will get over it.

On a plus side, I was really glad I got to see the family when I went home. Bobby is way cooler than we give him credit for. :) I hung out and watched TV with him Friday. On Saturday, Mom and Len took us to Chesapeake and the food was amazing!

I got into a slight altercation with a certain boy while I was home. Let's just say that our friendship will never be the same, and I don't know if you'll be seeing him around the house much when I come home. I don't like it when people jerk me around on their emotional rollercoaster. I am a good girl, I don't deserve it.

That's all I've got for now. Have a good night.

"I would do anything for love..."

So I was listening to Meatloaf, so what? I did a Meatloaf impression last weekend in Ashley's room in front of a group of my friends. It was pathetic. I let my hair down, shoved a pillow up my shirt and started to sing...the unfortunate part was that I didn't remember half the words to the song. But I was the party favorite. I think people like that I can make a fool of myself and not give a lick.

I got to sleep in today, ate a very tasty salad at McAlister's, had a very stimulating conversation with a girl from Encounter, not to mention I look cute today. I'm kind of sad because I don't really have time to work out before I go, but I'm hoping I will go for a jog tomorrow morning or early afternoon. Did I mention that I've worked out every day this week? I feel better already. Ashley and I would like to lose ten pounds by the time we go to Ireland. Anyway, today is going very well. And I'll be home in approximately three hours. I seriously can't believe what a good mood I am.

Today is Jessie Elmore's birthday. She is 21. Thought I would put that out there. That must be amazing to have your 21st birthday on a weekend. Mine will be on Thirsty Thursday. *shrug*

I really don't have anything else for you today. I hope all of you are having a fantastic day, and if you're not, have faith that it will get better. Life is too short to not be happy, to hold a grudge, to be bitter. Adieu.

"Hello, hello, hello!"

I am watching TV right now...I'm on duty so I can't leave the dorm. Which means I'm eating EZ Mac in my room while working on some door decs for next month.

We had an incident earlier because of the Bears game. Oh, yeah--for all of those you don't know, THE BEARS ARE GOING TO THE SUPERBOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I'm on duty that night, too. It's going to be a blast--not.

I will be home this weekend, and I haven't gotten my tickets yet, so I will let you know what time I will be back.

That's all I have for you. Sorry, it's a whimpy entry.

"I used the stick because I couldn't reach him."

So my room was covered in girls to watch Grey's Anatomy. I was pretty damn excited. We had bonding time. :)

My week is going well. Yesterday I was feeling a little down in the dumps, but today was a heck of a lot better. I felt a little uplifted, like something was pushing me along telling me everything was okay dokay. I like those days. A lot.

Today I was walking back from class with a friend, and I was kinda whining about how I didn't feel good and I was tired and things of those nature. I called myself on it, too. I didn't sound grumpy or tired or sick. Why do I always sound so perky? It's disgusting. I've noticed it has been getting worse...and not only that but I am becoming more and more a space cadet. I will trail off mid-sentence then forget what I was talking about. I will walk past a person who says HI and it won't even register until I have walked five feet past them. I get very easily distracted by the TV or a song--I will be dressing and completely forget what I was doing because Will Ferrell pops onto Comedy Central or an '80s song pops up on my playlist and I will start to dance around the room. It's distracting--I feel like I should diagnose myself with ADD but I know that that would be an incorrect diagnoses. And I will get too excited about what I am talking about and it all comes out as word vomit. A large garbled mess. And I get confused when more than one person is trying to talk to me...I'll forget what I am trying to say. The worst one is when I will trail off into my own world, the conversation will be changed to something else completely, and I will jump in where I left off as though my topic of conversation hadn't been dropped.

I am a loser, lol. I blame on it being my last two weeks of teenager awkwardness. Can you believe I am almost 20? I can't. It doesn't feel like it's been that long. Me...a whole two decades. I wanted to request of the weekend of Feb. 2-4 but everyone and their mom (i.e. about four other RAs) requested that weekend off, so instead I will be coming home Jan.26-28. This way I get to see Rachel one last time before she becomes a legal adult. And Jessie, I want to apologize that I won't be able to be home for your birthday. It's our spring break...and I'll be in Ireland. But I really would like to be there and meet Will. I'm sorry. :/

Mon.
9:00-9:50 Weather
12:00-1:15 Economic Reasoning Using Statistical Reasoning

Tues.
9:35-10:50 Literary Narrative
11:00-12:15 Human Sexuality
2:00-3:15 Educational Psychology
3:30-5:00 RA Meeting

Wed.
9:00-9:50 Weather
12:00-1:15 Economic Reasoning Using Statistical Reasoning
7:00-9:25 U Band

Thurs.
11:00-12:15 Human Sexuality
2:00-3:15 Educational Psychology
3:30-5:00 In-service Meeting

Fri.
9:00-9:50 Weather
11:00-12:15 Literary Narrative

Sweet schedule, right? I am excited. I dropped choir because I am just not enjoying it anymore. My director is nice but not very challenging, and I don't have the gumption, time, or correct major to do the more advanced choirs. It's okay. It's not like I don't sing in the shower and when we're dancing around the room. Haha.

This entry is way longer than I originally intended, so now I am going to bed! Have a good one, folks.

"The power to be, the power to give, the power to see..."

Her face is a map of the world, is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl, she's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
People who surround her feel the benifit of it, it makes you calm
She'll hold you captivated in her palm.

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me
Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walkin' the world, like walkin' the world
And you can hear she's a beautiful girl, she's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're tryin' to remember what you heard
She likes to leave you hangin on a word

She's taller than most and she's lookin' at me
I can see her eyes lookin' from a page in a magazine
She makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big, strong tower
The power to be, the power to give, the power to see

Why does this song make me feel so much better?

I new obsession is Kiefer Sutherland. Ow Ow Ow!!!!!

"I'm tired of boys wanting me only for my body..."

"...and I'm tired of boys not wanting me because of my body." This was said during a conversation with Ashley last night. And I don't think either one of us stopped laughing for about five minutes.

I'm sorry that I haven't really updated. I am sure all of you want to hear about my riveting week of RA training...but let's face it--it wasn't all that exciting. I did make a hell of a lot of new friends, which is fantastic. I have been very busy, that's for sure. After group training, we'd have training with just our part of campus and our dorm. I was one of three newbies for Walker Hall, one of five from central campus (Walker and Dunn-Barton), one of about thirty from the whole campus. Mallory and Scott are both new RAs over in Watterson. Oh, yeah, and my buddy Frannie was on rounds and they had a pot bust over at Southside, haha.

My weekend has consisted of sleeping in and working on decorations for my floor. I got the door decs done on Thursday, and I finished two of my three bulletin boards yesterday then started my third. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to put up on my last board. I think it's just going to be an activity calender for the rest of January. Oh, and Anna came over last night and helped me color the floor meeting signs (first on is on Wednesday night!).

And I send out a thank you to all of you who have been calling me. I appreciate it! :)

"Oh, my virgin ears!"

Says the boy with the sailor's mouth. Just because a curse word slips every now and then does not make me a devilish fiend with no morals. :) But I think he knows that. Mom says that I've lost my manners since I've gone to school. Is that because I am uncouth or I have become more comfortable with my belching and cursing? Just because I am not prim and proper like it's tea and crumpet time does not necessarily mean that I am without manners. Does it?

Tonight was my last night at SnS until May. Although I was a little saddened upon arrival, I soon realized that I won't be missing the fountain (which is where they stuck me yet again tonight). My arm has been aching a little too much lately. I think this is mainly due to the whole ice cream scooping. Meh.

I've been kind of grouchy the past few days, so I apologize if you've met with any of my unjustified wrath. I honestly don't want to go back this week...I kind of want to wait until everyone else comes back instead of being one of four girls in our entire dorm. This whole experience is going to be...different. Wow, could I say a more ridiculously obvious statement? Haha. I hope everything works out. I'm actually rather nervous. But I figure that I usually am when I start a new job but then I get comfortable with my surroundings and everything is well in the land of Sarah.

In other news, I will be 20 in 24 days. No longer a teenager, thank you very much. It is so scary. Because I won't be able to hide behind the fact that I am a teenager when I do something irresponsible or immature. Because I am only one year away from being legally able to drink. Because I am one step closer to my life on my own as adult (i.e. paying my own rent and holding a teaching position). OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Can you imagine me in front of class of high schoolers trying to explain to them who John Calvin was or explain the society of the Cold War Soviet Union? It is difficult for me to picture, but I know that I'll be doing it. It won't be too long now either... I am almost 20!

"Well, I'm here soo, uh..."

Someone I knew from HS was at SnS tonight and asked me how I was. Haha. First, I would like to discuss SnS and then I would like to discuss boys.

Pros and Cons of Working at SnS

1. Being covered in syrup

• Pro: I have some bonding time with Chewy. He likes to lick me when I come home.
• Con: I sometimes am so sticky I have to take another shower before going to bed.

2. Late Hours

• Pro: I was pulling overtime over the summer, which made for much larger checks.
• Con: Tonight I didn't even get home until 2:50am.

3. Drive-Thru

• Pro: I get to see people I know and have delightful chitchat with strangers.
• Con: I get stuck with the nasty people with bad attitudes and messed up orders (which aren't my fault!).

4. Fountain (Desserts and Shakes)

• Pro: I get free milkshakes and I'm in charge when I work back there.
• Con: The people I work with are EXTREMELY messy!!!!!!! Then I have to clean up their disaster zone.

5. Crude Remarks From Fellow Employees

• Pro: I'm not scared of them anymore, and now I just throw them right back. I don't put up with anyone's crap.
• Con: Now that I dish it back, I get a lot more of said remarks.

Yes, I complain about SnS, but Jesus, who wouldn't? And yet...I love working there. Overall, it's not that bad. Today wasn't spectacular. When I got there, nothing was stocked or thawed or clean, then we were slammed for about three hours straight, and I would like to say that I was training two girls today and was the only one who knew how to do everything. OMG, it was unnerving, but I survived to write this nice entry about my place of employment.

Now for a less pleasant subject for me: boys.

I don't know what the hell is wrong me. How can I date the arrogant a-holes and be mildly interested in nice boys then never really date them? It's true, Nice guys seems to finish last. Not fair but somehow that's the way things work out. I was talking to Wyatt about this last night actually. I feel kind of pressured to "find" a boyfriend, which is ludricrous. But hell, you try being the only female in your entire family (including extended family) who is single. The only girl who is single is Dumpster, but I think that's mainly due to the fact that she's, what--nine? Or Kaylin. And she's six. Not only that but my friends are getting engaged, and Jessie's friends are engaged...and Mom got married when she was 21. Yuck! I'm too young to think about settling down. Arrogant guys don't really think about settling down (haha, because they don't want committment), and the nice guys are totally up for committment which can sometimes be very scary. Someone informed me that I am scared of committment. This is probably true. That's why boyfriends never really last more than a month. I don't want to be one of those women that is completely dependent on their man, emotionally, physically, economically. Why should I look to someone else when I am perfectly capable of doing these things on my own? And being dependent on someone is so scary--what if he lets me down? If I am self-sufficient, there is no let down or settling for subpar. There is only me.

Why do I sound like such a loser when I reread that?

"Angst. That's spelled A-N-G-S-T."

I had a fantastic Christmas. I was very excited to see Jessie again. I feel like I see her more now than when she lived at home, though I know that's not the case with Rachel and Mom. We went to church Christmas Eve, just the three of us and we very noticeably the most dressed-up people in the entire church. It looked the Gothic princesses had just stepped in, all red and black, with the exception of Jessie's gold sparkly high heels. Upon arrival at the mothership, I preceeded to bang on Mom's door until she got out of bed and opened the door, "You gotta be kidding me." I think my favorite phrase used was "It's GO TIME! Time to open presents." As far as big presents go, Jessie got a very nice down comforter, Rachel got a digital camera, and I got the giant TV. :D We spent Christmas day with the Lewis', which was a little different than normal. Our cousin Jeff finally "settled" down and brought his new large family along with him (I think mainly for the free food and presents).

Merry belated Christmas!!!

PS I am in Rachel's room right now...she is passed out. And she's most definitely snoring some. ;)

"I laughed so hard I got a noise violation!"

It's true, I forgot to tell you guys...we had the door open to our room Thursday night. I just so happened to be laughing hysterically and the RA on duty walked by. We didn't really get into trouble. They wrote our names down but no action was taken against us. This is why I was laughing so hard. Those are definitely my bras.

"This is pathetic!"

So I have talked to Ashley every single day since we've been apart. Is that pathetic? I miss her a lot. She is my plutonic female equivalent to a boyfriend, lol. Matt calls me his female heterosexual plutonic life partner, so I guess that makes me Ashley's female heterosexual plutonic counterpart as well.

Is it weird that I am such good friends with more than one person? I've got five or six of them. I don't think so--the more the merrier is a great philosophy.

Tonight was not all that pleasant. Rachel cried a lot, but what else is new. I cried with her some, but again, what else is new. You know what? I hate money. With a passion. I wish the world could revolve on something else besides money. Because it causes too many problems. This world is filled with too many realistic people and not enough dreamers. There needs to be a healthy balance, and I think too many of those around me are just too realistic.

On that note, I would like to say that Ashley's family has invited me to go to Ireland with them over our spring break. All I would have to pay for is air fare. What do you think? Patty said no, Dad didn't say anything, and no matter what anyone says, I have decided that I am going. Yes, it's a nice hunk of money I won't have anymore...but hello! Jessie has already been to Europe twice, due to our giving family. I've been once, but this is a good opportunity for me. I won't be paying for food or a place to stay, and I would be going with one of my best friends. I wouldn't be able to go if I hadn't gotten this RA position this semester, either, but I did...so why shouldn't I go? Yes, I would make more money staying at home and working at SnS, and I will be doing that all of next summer. HOLY HELL, IT'S IRELAND WE'RE TALKING ABOUT! And the coolest part about it is that we'll be hanging out with Ashley's family. Her aunts, uncles, cousins.

Seriously, this week has been fabulous. I lived through one of the most stressful weeks of my life and managed to have a lot of fun through it. I got my RA position. Rachel got into MIT. And now I have the opportunity to go to Ireland for a reasonable price with one of my favorite people. I am so blessed.

"I wanna go home..."

Yeah, it's an actual song. By Michael Buble. Which makes it a million times better!

I've talked to every person in my immediate family this week. Most of them twice or more...lol, I think they're happy I'm coming back home. :) Hell, I'm happy to be going back.

I'm sad because I won't be in the same building next semester, but that happens...because I got an RA position for next semester! Yep. I did it. I'll be in Walker 1 South, which is an all-girls dorm with no AC. Yeah, that kind of stinks, but I'm only a block over from Atkin so I will still get to see my friends a lot. And next year all of central campus will be closed because they're tearing them down for a new rec center, which means I'll be moved over to Tri, Southside, or Watterson. Lol, none of you know where I'm talking about, but that's alright.

In other news, my bff Ashley is coming down for New Years and I'm thinking about going up there for a couple of nights. And Mom is taking Rachel and I to Chicago for a day trip (of course, riding the train as tradition tells us to :). I'm thoroughly excited about break, even if it is shorter (I have to be back Jan. 9). I'll be back home after I get off work at BK around 6. Possibly my last shift at Burger King. That kinda makes me sad. :-*(

But anyway, until then, have a delightful time. Everyone deserves some amazing fun. :)

"In other news this evening."

I don't even remember what I wrote about last time, but that's okay.

I moved into Stephanie's room yesterday. We're still getting everything settled. The funny thing is that it looks like a disaster zone, but it's our disaster zone, so it's all good.

My RA interview went very well on Friday. The interviewees said that I was pretty much guaranteed a job for next semester, but that's what they said last year so I'm not getting my hopes up. I will be finding out about the position on Wednesday...then if I get a position, I'll have to move all of my stuff again. But it'll be worth it. :)

I had two finals today, which both went alright. I have a take-home final that I am working on right now that's due tomorrow, then I have a paper and a final due Thursday. Added to that, I have to work on Wednesday and Friday. Dad and Patty are coming to get me on Friday. I can't wait to be done with this semester. Bleh!

"Here I am sitting in a tin can."

I'm stealing Corrie's "7 Random facts." Except they're probably not so random.

1. I really enjoy sleeping. It's my favorite passtime, which is a little surprisingly because I LOVE being constantly busy. I guess that's why I sleep so well and so long.

2. I have an infinity for photo booths. I don't think you know how many times I've squeezed into one to get my picture taken. Okay, let's face it--I'm just a picture whore in general.

3. I actually enjoy working fast food. Surprise, surprise. I love it. The only downside is the extra grease on your person after working BOH (back of house which is frying, spec. board, burgers) for a shift. I love the fact that I earn my own money--I work for minimum wage, but I earn every penny of it. And knowing that that money is sitting in my bank account makes me happy.

4. I considered Max my closest friend next to Rachel. My heart broke into a million pieces when he died. I can't even bring myself to go to where he was buried for fear of blinding myself with tears. I want a dog here at school so badly, but that won't happen. I have to wait until I get an apartment of my own (five more semesters).

5. I'm a crier. It's true. An epsiode of Full House will sometimes make me well up. I saw an older couple today on the sidewalk, and the husband was holding his wife with both his hands to make sure she didn't slip, which of course made me get teary. I cry during movies, shows, and certain songs.

6. I am all about movement. When I tell stories, I talk with my hands (a lot). I am usually making a funny face or raising an eyebrow. When I laugh, I tilt my head back and let out of the full cackle. I bounce, dance, and frollick, usually for no reason at all.

7. I think that relationships with other people are the most important thing in the world, and I think that's why I have so many (friendships, that is). That bond you make with other people is irreplaceable. You can learn so much from another person, it's astounding.


As far as other news, I found out I passed the Basic Skills test. In case you don't know what it is, let me explain. It's a test every education major has to take so they make sure you know how to do a little bit of everything. And it's the equivalent of the education majors' ACT, except it's graded on a pass/fail scale. I passed...and my scores were good, so I was excited.

PS Yafro is shutting down their site, but I transferred all my pictures over to Orfay, so you can go there. I changed the link on the side ("Pictures").

"Holy cow!"

I have updated in five days! Oh, no.

Mallory moved out on Saturday because she got an RA position on Wednesday. She's over in Watterson now and loves it. Since school got cancelled on Friday, my RA interview got pushed back until this coming Friday.

Speaking of snow days, this is only one of three snow days in ISU's history. How cool is that? I'm going to post pictures of our day out in the snow pretty soon. I keep meaning to do it but still haven't gotten around to it. Today I only went to one class and slept an extra three hours in the early afternoon. I didn't really feel all that well, and I hope that I'm not coming down with anything. I remember being really sick the week of finals last year--it sucked big time.

It's kind of weird being in the room all by myself with no TV. It's kind of like last year when Stephanie had mono. But luckily, I will be moving in with Steph this weekend so it won't be much longer. Until then the quiet room is very nice to get all my homework done. I should be doing homework right now actually, but I can't seem to concentrate.

I have too much on my mind.

I found out that I am supposed to work the Saturday after finals, and I'm not all that pleased about it. I'm going to try to work in those hours sometime earlier in the week so I can go home Friday instead of late Saturday night. I would much rather have Dad come pick me up then take the train home, too. I need to take some of my stuff back home, and it would be difficult lugging everything onto the train.

Anyway, I hope everyone is having a good, uneventful day. Those are fantastic. And so are three-hour naps.

"I wonder if you're listening, picking up on the signals sent back from within."

Neon pink hair. Nose ring. Black-framed glasses. Tattoos. An electric guitar. A dark stage. Singing a ballad to a silent crowd with a single spotlight. Then the lights come up and the band rocks out the remainder of the song. I sing lead.

No joke. Amazing. I sometimes wish I had to be as outrageous as I feel. I admire those women who wear themselves so loudly on the outside so everyone can see who they are. But at the same time, no one can be a rocker forever, right?

My dream: ^^^^ I want to be a rockstar. It's corny and clique. It's true. Don't you want to be a rockstar?

For now, I listen to my music on my headphones because my roommate doesn't dig the rock. I jump around my room to angry music when she's not here. A tear will silently slide down my cheek for a ballad.



I hear that you spend the first half of your life trying to fit in and the other half regretting not doing things differently. Why should you become a clone while trying to fit in when people should love you and want you the way you are? You should accept my occasional crying spout, my spontaneity, my want for chick flicks, my adoration of older professors, my heighth, weight, brown eyes and brown hair, my love of dogs, my ridiculously loud laugh, my love of SnS, my addiction to colored tennis shoes.

I just want to be goofy-ass Sarah Mae Lewis. Whether she has pink hair and tattoos doesn't really matter, does it? Why should it be so outlandish to want that?



Don't tell me that I can't be myself. You'd hurt me if you said you didn't like my crazy, talkative, know-everyone self. You'd hurt me if you said that this pink hair, tattooed, pierced girl with the electric guitar and rock band was not the girl for you. She goes along with the girl that goes to church, wears sweaters, and sleeps with her stuffed dog Spot. She is one and the same. If you can't accept that, then I bid you adieu.

To every broken heart in here
Love was once a part, but now it's disappeared
She told me that it's all a part of the choices that your making
Even when you think you're right
You have to give to take

But there's still tomorrow
Forget the sorrow
And I can be on the last train home
Watch it pass the day
As it fades away
No more time to care
No more time, today

But we sing
If we're going nowhere
Yeah we sing
If it's not enough
And we sing
Sing without a reason
To ever fall in love

"Like a school kid waiting for the spring..."

Come on, who else adores Love Actually? It's one amazing movie. Especially if you're a girl and love chick flicks. I came back to the room tonight after a late choir rehearsal and it was on.

Mallory said maybe five words to me last night and hasn't spoken to me since. I'm not sure how to take this. I can't believe that she hates me enough to give me the silent treatment.

I will be extremely busy until the end of the semester. I only have two weeks and then finals week...my last final is Dec. 14 so I'll be home that Friday (I think). I'm picking up a couple of extra shifts, too, which will be great for the Christmas shopping. :)

I had a fantastic break. Really. I think a large part of that was due to the fact that Ryan was staying with Mom and Rachel. Oh, and we really wanted to call Andrew one night after a few margaritas but we didn't have his number, lol.

Anyway, not much else to tell. So everyone, have a good day. Later.

I had meatloaf today for dinner. It was delicious and it made me think of Grandma Ev.

That is all.

"It's gonna blow!"

So I was trying to be productive today...and got a little ambitious, so I went downstairs to check the vacuum, which was defective. Or it hated me, either way. It didn't pick anything up off the floor. It was gross. And then the bag started to get bigger and I thought it was going to explode. Someone came over across the hall to check it out and we decided that I should return it to the front desk before it blew up all over my room. I had eight things to do on my "to do" list, and I've accomplished five. I am proud of my usually-lazy-self.

Since I told her I was moving out, Mallory has quit talking to me completely. I feel like an idiot when I talk to her. I know she hates, but I still want to be her friend, so what do I do? I have a conversation with her, minus her participation. I tell her an anecdote or tell her classes went well or blahblah. I always ask how her classes went or her tests or something equally boring and I all I get is a "fine." But hey, at least she's giving me that much. It's awkward with all the rest of my friends--they're really not sure how to respond to the fact that she acts as if I am not there. But I think everyone is getting used to it. The only noise in the room anymore is my music, her TV, or me chattering through a one-sided convo. It's actually kind of amusing if you think about it.

I am done with band class completely. Last night, two composers came in and answered any questions we had. Both were very intelligent and funny men...gotta love those music geeks. Jack Stamp kind of got up on a soap box about how we should keep music going because it has such a large impact on humanity. I'm not saying that I don't agree with him; it's just very amusing to me that a famous fanfair composer was standing in front of ISU's dinky little university band, mainly comprised of freshmen, and was harping about how important music is to the world.

I am done with classes tomorrow at 12:50 for break, but I can't go home until after work Saturday night on the 7:29 train. I hate getting home that late. Then I think I'm working at SnS Sunday night. I know I'll be working just about every day except for Thanksgiving. I'm trying to get on the lunch shift so my sleep schedule isn't messed up and I can see everyone after I get off work. :)

I got the final dl on my interview to be an RA. Since I qualify to be an RA next semester, I have both my group and individual interviews on December 1. I can't tell you how excited about this I am. A position is opening up for Colby 1 & 2, and that would be perfect because I wouldn't even moving very far.

Did I tell you excited I am about Thanksgiving break???

"Ain't no mountain high, ain't no valley low..."

My favorite song. And it's cheering me up this very moment.

Busy, busy, busy. I got this random phonecall from Jessie tonight...and since it caught me off guard, I laughed a little. You know what else I laughed about? We were at Encounter tonight and the whole row of people behind us was tone-deaf. Oh, Lordie. I was laughing because they obviously couldn't sing but they did it very loudly, and well, it made me happy that even know they probably knew they couldn't sing, they sang with all their hearts anyway, not really caring what the people in front of them (Andrew and myself) thought. I love it when people don't care what others think--it's fabulous.

I feel bipolar saying this, but I was sad tonight when I sat down to my desk to do some homework. My last few entries have been so happy and optimistic, and now I feel saddened and slightly drained. First of all, I miss Max. When I went home Friday, Chewy seemed so depressed, and I wanted Max to come back into my room to check on me like he always used to do. And second of all, I miss my roommate. She's here but she's not here. She isn't the person I loved last year, and I want to cry for her. I'm not sure what to do, but I don't think moving out will help her-it will only help me. You guys should see the two of us in our room. I sit looking at her while she keeps her back to me, trying to engage her in conversation. She'll give me one word answers until she gets tired of it then she'll just quit answering me. I love her, she used to be one of my best friends, but now she has put up these huge wall around her and it is very tres forte.

Happy November 15. Today is Dad's birthday, and he really is getting up there.

"Geeze, it's like we're back in high school!"

So my weekend was fantastic. I haven't had time to upload pictures or anything, but I will make sure to do it in the next couple of days. The ball was fabulous, the concerts went well.

I was so busy I missed all the drama happening on the 4th floor. I feel bad for one friend in particular. Too much drama. So I'm trying to be a good pal and burning her a crazy emo/angry music CD. I love how angry music lets you vent out some of your hostility.

Just homework and papers this week. Nothing major. But I found out that I do have to work at BK Saturday 10-6. Boo.....................It's a good thing I don't have to work at SnS until Sunday night. And break if looking like work and needed appointments (dentist, orthodontist, maybe a dr's check-up...and possibly a hair appointment). Oh, yeah, I have go to the Abraham Linolcn Library and Museum to get some extra credit for my history class. And Thanksgiving, lol. Oh, Thanksgiving. I've decided I'm bringing my own apple pie to dinner because there is always pecan and pumpkin and I hate both of them.

Anyway, hope everyone has a fabulous day. Later, kiddies.

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete everybody will respect you."

Lao-Tzu

So it's been a week. I bet you've been anxiously awaiting my next entry. And I'm sorry to say that it won't be riveting. :)

I've started to believe in fate more. I never really did before but now I'm starting to see that things happen for a reason. There always seem to be two very defined choices while making a decision, then your life heads in the direction of your choices. At each decision, you have two options. It's a network of decisions. So really you could have several different lives depending on what choices you make.

I feel like I've had puzzle pieces of my future a little spread out, and now they seem to be coming into place. At least the next three years of my life--thereabouts. I know what classes I'll be taking, where I'll be working. Knowing that makes me feel so much confident about what I am doing. I feel like I have a better focus on what's laying ahead.

And I'm happy. I am just happy in general. That makes the world a more beautiful place, and I feel better about everything, including myself.

Today was absolutely gorgeous. I was thrilled to able to walk around in my T-shirt without being cold. I wish I had a portable rake to put the leaves in a pile so I could jump into them and get pieces of leaf stuck in my hair and my clothes. Everyone was out on the quad playing frisbee or football or reading under a tree or just laying the grass trying to get a nap in between classes.

The rest of school before Thanksgiving break will be pretty hectic. I'll be home tomorrow night to do some laundry and celebrate Dad's birthday since I won't be home next week. I'll get back around 9:30 Saturday morning, work from 3-7, then rush through getting ready for Fall Ball. I'm a little sad that I won't be able to see Rachel's IMEA concert, but she knows that. And Sunday I have both a band and choir concert. Dad, Patty, and Rach plan on coming to the choir concert later on and then having some supper. It should be fun. :) Next week I have a couple of tests and do some homework that's due after break because we all know that I won't want to do it over break. I'll be back at Steak 'n Shake on Nov. 19, which is a private opening for some VIP (says the GM). I'm excited that Uncle Ron, Aunt Susan, and Ryan are coming!

Mom, have fun in St. Louis!

"Whoa, multi-tasker..."

On the phone, texting, IMing, blogging, eating some leftover Halloween candy, scratching my itchy legs, playing some solitaire, listening to my music. All while trying not to wake Mal up. :)

I'll upload some more pictures tomorrow when I can actually have the lights on.

I ran out of lotion and I don't think my legs have ever been this freaking itchy in my life. Driving me nuts. Scratching should be a full time job.

I slept through my first class, and when I woke up, I cried a little. You can only miss a couple of classes then your grade lowers after that. My effing alarm didn't go off. Other than that, my day went alright. Tonight Gabe and I dressed up in our costumes for band. He was a zookeeper...it was very amusing. He used his binoculars throughout class to check out the conductor--I think it weirded the conductor out a little.

Anywho. I'm very busy until Thanksgiving break (it starts Nov. 18).

I'm not sure when I'm going home or how the work schedule with play out. I'm calling them (SnS) tomorrow to see about the schedule. I don't even know if the new building will be done by then, but I do know that my regular manager that I worked for over the summer no longer works there. It's a bummer. Oh, and BK is alright. I really do like the people I work with, and they told me I could pick up some more shifts next semester--they like me. :D Apparently, I'm a good worker. But you know, I could have told you that.

This weekend I'm taking the Basic Skills test that all education majors have to take. It's kind of like the ACT--extremely long, boring test. That and work will eat up my whole Saturday. Next weekend I am going home for Friday to pick stuff up for the Fall Ball (Encounter's prom-type activity) which is that Saturday right after work. I think I might have a date but I'm not sure yet. I feel bad because I won't be able to eat with him beforehand, so he'll pick me up and we'll go straight to the dance. I feel like a high schooler...and I'm almost 20. And damn, do I feel old saying that.

Beyond that I have a few tests and few important papers. I'm just excited for break. This semester has FLOWN by. And if makes anyone happy to know: I will be student teaching in the Springfield area my eighth semester, which is only two years away. Holy crap, I'm turning into an adult!

"I'm not going to lie--that was a pretty sweet costume."

So obviously I haven't been much up to updating. And things seem to get more and more hectic every time I take a breather.

Today was an excellent day.
-I had a fantastic shower.
-The weather was spectacular.
-I got a lot of compliments in choir today for the soli and a lot of "I wish I could sing that low"s.
-I had a free meal at Olive Garden.
-I had a few good phone conversations as well.
Just fantabulous.

I posted a heck of a lot of photos on Yafro, so enjoy. I also posted a couple of movies--you can check them out on my photobucket.

Hope everyone is having as great week as I am (even though it only just began). :)


PS I registered from next semester classes.

Weather MWF 9-9:50
Economic Reasoning Using Statistics MW 12-1:15
Choir MW 4-5:15
Band W 7-9:25
Literary Narrative T 9:35-10:50, F 11-12:15
Human Sexuality TR 11-12:15
Educational Psychology TR 2-3:15

Another 17 hours. w00t.

"I'm fulfilling a promise..."

And then there was silence because I had started to sob. I made Patty promise to call me if Max died...and he did today. He was outside with Chewy all day, and Patty saw him when she came home.

Oh, my poor Maxwell. It's like losing a member of my immediate family.

I was downstairs eating dinner and burst into tears; needless to say, I excused myself and am now crying in my room. I have to go to band in a little bit, and I really don't want to now.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

There was an unexpected face in the Enounter crowd, and it made me smile. I hadn't seen him since maybe the first week of this semester. We had a good chat.

My first day at Burger King was good. Everyone was really nice and answered all my questions.

My week is going good. I'm just very happy it's going so well.

We got invited to a costume party on Friday...and I'm waaaaay excited. It's going to be good.

"Hey, cupcake."

I wanna swim away but don't know how
Somtimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up, take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion
Let the rain of what I feel right now
Come down, let the rain come down

Lately, I have been very into Blue October. I have their last CD...can you believe I actually cried when I saw the music video for "Hate Me"? And "Into the Ocean" is kind of a downer if you read the lyrics, but it has such a happy melody. Oh, the irony.

I think I've been extra emotional lately. A lot of minor things will set me into a rainfall of tears. Nothing major. An episode of Full House, a song. My friend Katie just told me she missed me (she went to ISU last year and now goes to Loyola), which made me cry. Ashley and I spent most of the day together, which made me happy and a little tear-eyed. When Kaylin picked up the phone when I called Bobby...I miss her.

I'm very glad I went home, even if it only was for one day. I had an excellent time...I needed to see my kids from home. I didn't get to see everyone, but that's okay. Sometimes you just need your girls (or boys).

This week is so much calmer. I turned in my last paper, and I only have one test this week. Tonight I caught up on the TV I missed last week. Mallory taped over the finale of Project Runway, but I'll just catch it later. Ashley and I are putting together our Halloween costumes. Does anyone remember watching Legends of the Hidden Temple on Nickolodeon? Yeah, we're dressing up like that--we're green monkeys (for one night). We're going to pirates another night and '80s girlies another night. Halloween weekend this year is Thursday through Tuesday. Yikes!!! I think we'll be going out maybe two nights and then Halloween (Rocky Horror Picture Show at midnight!). I'll make sure to take plenty of pictures.


Jessie, you should call Rachel and talk to her (she would kill you if you asked on myspace so just call her).

Oh, and I forgot to mention that someone suggested me to the WOW committee for Passages weekend. It's the committee that plans out the entire weekend for the freshmen, which is actually kind of cool. I still have to submit an application, so we'll start there.

Did I mention I got a part in the alto soli for the choir concert?

Yeah, this week is definitely looking up. :D

"Hello?" "Hello?"

I love that I play the hello game. You say hello then the other person says hello then you say hello again. It's pretending to see who can go on the longest or something.

I am so slap-happy right now. I think it's mainly due to the fact that it's almost 2:30 in the morning and I'm just winding down to go to bed. I've been studying for this geography test (hey, Jessie, look--I can really spell), and I feel like I am going to ace this thing. You know why? Because it's almost all European history. This thing is going to be so easy. I was studying with some girls from my floor and one of them asked me how I knew what year the Berlin Wall was torn down. Thought it was common knowledge? *shrug* And I love how we talk about supernationalism and the rise of Muslim in Europe. You know why I love that? Because, my dears, that's exactly what I am learning about in my history of the Middle East class. Hooray for everything being so connected.

And to reiterate what Jessie said in her blog, I am extremely glad that I have such good friends and family. And I love that I can blog and my sisters and mother can read it. Bobby called me tonight just to chat, and that made me one happy camper. Random calls for no reason make me very appreciative. :) I will mention yet again that I am uber excited about coming home for this weekend...and so is Ashley.

I will write to thee later by another moonlit sky (in at least 24 hours' time). Look how the yellow'd leaves tremble in the tempermental wind.
The streetlights twinkle below.
I can see Papa John's shinin' up a storm a block away.

Good night, m'darlings.

"I've never been so lost. I've never felt so much at home."

The stress factor is good. Not a lot of it. I do have a test tomorrow in geogprahy, then I have a meeting with my academic advisor to take a crack at my four-year plan (funny how I'm already three semesters in and I'm just now planning). I'm supposed to hang out with Stephanie tomorrow to watch Gone With the Wind, but I think I'll end up being at the library all day working on this paper that's due Friday. Wish me luck, folks.

I just got an email saying that Passages (the freshmen's first weekend on campus before classes started) pictures are up. I'm only in a few, which makes me kind of sad...but it happens. Here's the link in case anyone is interested.

http://www.passages.ilstu.edu/images/Passages_2006_Photos/index.htm

You guys have no idea how excited I am about coming to the weiner roast this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jessie, are you coming home?

"Sawah."

That's what Stephanie calls me in her Stephanie way. I've spent more time with her recently, and I'm glad. I miss having her for a roommate. How can two people so much alike and different at the same time? God only knows.

It's past 1:30 in the morning, and I'm taking a study break from geology. I haven't been this stressed in a while. I have my last midterm tomorrow, which is good, but that means it's midterm paper time. I have three due next week. Good riddance. I only have so much writing creativity. Forgive me if I don't write much for this week...I have to save my mojo for the grades. Ick.

Rachel is coming up Saturday morning. I talked to her tonight...she wants me to go to this Papa Roach concert the day after Thanksgiving. And as much as I would love to see some really smelly, sweaty mulleted men standing around listening to their angry white man music (I actually do like Papa Roach), I will be back at good old SnS making some mulah. Speaking of money, I got a job at Burger King. Tuesdays and Saturdays. I don't know how this is going to work next weekend with the weiner roast (I have orientation tomorrow, I will make sure to ask).

Other than that, I don't have much else. I'm just plain ol' tired. And I honestly don't care if I do well on this test tomorrow since he drops our lowest test grade. So there! Oh....and I have a meeting with my academic advisor (FINALLY) to talk about my minor and schedule out the rest of my schooling here at ISU.

Exciting stuff, right?

"Sweet deal."

My new phrase that I never should have started saying because now I can't stop myself.

Corrie's right. Most people write about their day-to-day events that might seem trivial to some and juicy to others. Well, let's add some meaning to this blog. Liven it up a little.

The question is how much have I changed since graduation.

I love a lot harder...but I let go more easily. I have become way more attached to my family than I ever thought possible. Even though I don't agree with everything they say or do, there isn't anything that could make me stop loving them. Blood is much thicker than water.

I'm more patient. I take more time to do things now. Thank you, Sears Portrait Studio. I think this trait will do me well when I start to teach.

I am much more content to be an onlooker instead of always being the one looked upon. I still do love being the center of attention on a rare occasion, but I think that I enjoy watching other people being spotted more.

I've learned to be quiet. That was hard before and I don't know why. Not everything has to be a melodrama. Not everything I say has to be hysterical. I can just sit in my room and think, no noise necessary.

Music isn't my absolute passion right now. I still love it dearly, but it isn't my core being at the moment. I am just enjoying the extra time to relax and become more comfortable in my own skin.

I don't like talking on the phone as much as I used to...and I don't call as many people as I used to. Instead I email or blog. But I certainly don't deny calls. I even accept them after 2:00am if necessary.

Things that haven't changed...

I still love all my friends dearly, even if I don't talk to them as often as I should. That doesn't mean that I don't think about them and want to be near them, be there for them when they needed a shoulder to cry on.

I'm still tall and chunky. Still squishy around the middle and still give great hugs. My hair color has changed from time to time, but I still look like a Spengler.

I have always been a picture whore. This we can't deny. I probably asked Mom to take my picture a lot when we were little. Now I'm taking them myself.

I believe that things work out for a reason. Maybe you can call that fate, I don't know. Everything has a purpose, whether we know it or not.


Folks, have a glorious evening...I will talk to you later.

Oh, and one thing I love about coming home. I love waking up and knowing Dad and Patty are across the hall or Mom is just downstairs. I feel more secure in my beds at home than anywhere else.

"Wow, you look perky..."

It's true. Today was good.

I talked to Wheaton for a while, and that was good, too. Not much else to report...I'll put some more pictures up pretty soon.


--EDIT 10:12PM--
Photos have been uploaded to Yafro. If you don't know what Yafro is, just click the pictures link on the side of this page.

Enjoy!!!

I thought you guys would appreciate this.  

"What does it mean now?"

It's a World Party song, and I would show you come lyrics but I can't find them online.

Today Stephanie went out on the quad to the breast cancer bus. We bought some pink bracelets and were a little too late for the free T-shirts. Oh, and we also bought some raffle tickets for the new music sorority they're trying to set up. Wouldn't that be fun to join??? You don't have to be a music major/minor, and I would be with a lot of people that would care as passionately as I do for music. Or maybe not. I hate sororities with a violent dislike. Ick.

I talked to Kristen and Bekki last night and Corrie today. I am just the regular conversationalist. I miss talking to my Lunch Buddies from home. And I think this weekend will be fun because Jessie is coming home (mad props for the updates, guys!). I had no idea who was getting married until I saw some comments on Jessie's myspace (and wow, do I feel like a stalker). Mom, I'll burn you a CD of pictures. :)

Now for the crappy part of my day, homework. Booo!!!

Oh, and PS I am thoroughly excited to say that I have been a diet the last couple of weeks and I have lost a pants size. AND today is dessert day so I had a piece of cake and it was absolutely delicious. Mmmmm.

"Whomever decided on the weather today must be feeling a little bipolar."

Not much to report, folks. I've been keeping busy all week with homework. I'm going home for the whole weekend this time--Rachel's senior football game is on Friday.

And I am starving. I can't wait for my roommate to get out of class.

"You can't stop the beat!!"

Bekki and I went to Hairspray last night. It was absolutely fantastic. I have to say that I am extremely glad that we went. We got autographs after the show and met the leads.

Friday was the Barn Dance. It was a blast, too. Overall, it was a very good weekend (minus the stress of my Jacob Riis paper that was due today).

I am borrowing a friend's CD--Angels and Airwaves. They sound emo-esque. The second song is definitely along those lines.

The friendships we made, is a waste our time.
There's no one left here, to show a future that's kind.
It's a world of hate, gone incredibly wrong.
We cared to late, we just followed along.

Did anyone else notice the grammatical error? Yep, it's in the paper dealie in the front of the CD. And I'm also confused about what they're trying to convey. All the pictures in the album are of WWII images--fighter planes, empty shells of buildings in London. The songs kind of go along with it, but still...they're emo? I don't get it.

Anyway, I posted some pictures for you because Yafro hates me with a passion.

"We got mail?! Are you sure...?"

I got two things in the mail today, it was an occasion for great excitement. Dad sent me a note with a picture of Kaylin and Bekki sent me something, too.

And you're asking why I update twice in one day. Why to give you pictures of course. The one with the huge hair is just an example of what it looks like after being blown dry. I threw it in there for good measure. Tell me what you think!

"Why the hell would you do that?"

I was talking to one of my tipsy friends last night, and she rather disturbed that I would dye my hair purple. I figured that since my hair is so dark it would be more a purple tint than an actual purple, which is exactly what happened. Ashley and I decided to do it spur of the moment--hers is now bright red. We'll take some pictures later so you can all see it. Oh, and it's just temporary, so no worries.

Four of my closest friends and myself are now on a diet. We're holding each other accountable...eating together and exercising together. I think we're all pretty excited about it. Except for the cheese thing. No cheese. And no booze because, well, that is just empty calories right there. So maybe I'm not uber excited about it, but if I keep my goal in mind, I think we'll be safe.

Today I have a buttload of homework to do, so I'm going to go take my shower and do my thing. Have a lovely rest of the day, folks.

"You have a sh*itload of mail to go through when you go home."

Lol, I bet you can guess who said that. :)

Mom, Lynn (sp?), and Rachel made it to my concert. I showed them my room afterwards, swiped them drinks, and gave Mom some of the albums I found at the vinyl place. And some Halloween candy. That makes pretty much everyone feel better, right?

I'm waiting for Mallory and Ashley to get back so we can eat and they discuss the goings on of Oswego this weekend.

I talked to Patty shortly after Mom left, and she told that Jeff and Elsa (Kathy and Mike's son and his now-legal Mexican wife) are finally having their wedding reception this Saturday. Since the Barn Dance is Friday, I am going home Saurday morning for the reception then coming back Sunday morning because Bekki bought us Hairspray tickets.

Mom, if you want to have the weiner roast the weekend before Halloween, go for it.

Looks like October will be a month of several home visits.