not worthy of a quote.

I told myself I would not cry. I almost managed it, too, until I read in Corrie's journal about how she needs a Sarah hug. I broke down. And I can't stop.

A) He text'd me, "God I am so sorry."
What is that supposed to mean? Does that mean he regrets not going further, not treating me better? Sorry things didn't work out better? Sorry I couldn't have been better? Yes, I am sorry. Limitations amongst other things make me regret my dating this semester. I have blown off some perfectly nice guys, for what? I could have gone on the dates and had fun, but no, I refuse to go on a date with someone I only feel lukewarm upon meeting. I found someone I liked a lot and things didn't work. Is that what he's sorry for?

B) Finals.
I haven't really stressed about them until now. I hadn't stressed at all, truth be told. And now I am. Especially tonight, this moment...I feel a disaster.

C) I had one of those good cries in a long time.
As a matter of fact, I don't think I have had one of those really excellent cried in a couple of months (could be wrong), somewhere along the lines of being homesick. Now I am sitting her, blubbering, with no one to hug me or keep me company. Because Eistir isn't here, and even if she was, she'd tell me to suck it up or look awfully uncomfortable while trying to console. This leads to...

D) Not being sure who to call.
This poses a major problem. I want some consolation, but not just a note online or whatever...I mean, I want to realy hug, a little peck on the cheek, soothing voice, a listener. Who do I know like that? Quite a few people actually. I flipped through my phone racking my brain but alas those I chose to call I could not get a hold of and the one person I managed to procure before the waterworks was extremely busy as always and could not speak. So instead I have a pity party and complain to my online journal.

E) I hate being sick.
Yes, it's an excuse to not do some things, but I have been feeling like absolute crap since Saturday. I swear I have lost five pounds because my pants feel like they're going to fall off and my normal belt notch isn't substantial enough to hold up said pants. These are freshly laundered pants, too, which means they're especially tight, fresh out of the drier. I hadn't noticed with all my baggy PJs and crappy last-resort clothes I wear when I haven't done my laundry in a while. Dehrydration does wonders for the figure, girls.

Guys, I even called someone I would never call under these circumstances, Jake. He's been ignoring me since Halloween...haven't spoken, no texts. It's so irregular, and do I dare admit, I kind of miss the annoying bugger.

Now that I have stopped crying, I am just very mad at myself. I hope you have a much better night than me. I'm going to get some gossip out of Rachel...she always makes me feel better.